A truely respectful S&M relationship is far less abusive than your typical not so hot romantic encounter. Tops who don’t know, and respect limits are pretty thoroughly shunned in the culture, while abusive guys in bar scenes often have great reputations, and lots of girlfriends. Most bottoms in S&M have very strong feelings about real abuse, and are not shy about sticking up for themselves when the encounter it.
One of those peculiar things about “those people.”
I don’t mean to imply that there is no chance of abuse in this type of exploration, only that it really is not a major feature of the subculture.
It occurs to me that my somewhat-snarky post upthread could be construed as contempt for S/M or B/D or other practices of that ilk. So I’d like to issue a disclaimer about that. I’m entirely capable of experiencing power diffs as erotic under the right circumstances myself.
How do you mean, BS? Are you saying that people who are into S&M are lying when they say they enjoy being hurt? Or are you saying they’re lying about it hurting in the first place? In either case, why would they lie about it?
Marvel Comics has a “spoof” superhero team called “The Great Lakes Avengers”. The briefly had a member who called himself “Leatherboy”. They eventually figured out that he didn’t have any superpowers — he was just a masochist who joined the team in the hopes of getting beat up on a regular basis.
I just lately reread Watchmen, and at the end of chapter 1 Laurie Juspeczyck and Dan Dreiberg are reminiscing about “Captain Carnage”, who did exactly that. Unfortunately he tried the routine on Rorschach, who obliged by dropping him down an elevator shaft.
It’s hard to be all toppish when you got no bottom. Since actual chattel slavery is generally not part of the BDSM relationship, you do what the bottom wants, or you think about what you would have done to the bottom that found a top that fits.
Power is about making something happen. Tops don’t have it. Dominance without submission is . . . boring.
This is a topic of discussion that I’ve seen come up fairly frequently within the community: to what extent does the bottom have the power in a scene, and how, then, does the top maintain control of the scene and the illusion of power?
One way in which the bottom has the power in a scene is through their safeword. The bottom can stop the scene at any time he or she chooses.
Also, scenes are often tailored to the bottom’s needs and desires, which the top is then responsible for meeting, but not exceeding. To give a (simplified) personal example: two of my kinks are men in skirts and sadism. I’ve met a man who enjoys cross-dressing but isn’t very masochistic. We’re planning a scene that will focus on his cross-dressing and feature some light spanking, but I won’t get to indulge much in my sadistic tendencies because the scene - any scene - is defined by the limits of the bottom. Just because I’m dominating him doesn’t mean I get to do whatever I feel like. As the top, I’m responsible for making the scene good for both of us: for the bottom by working within his limits, and for myself by finding something within those limits that I’ll enjoy. The bottom, in turn, is responsible for telling me beforehand what he enjoys and what his limits are, and during the scene for giving me feedback about how much he’s enjoying himself (through words, sounds, and body language) so I know whether I should change what I’m doing, keep doing it, or try pushing his limits a little.
I think the actual people who enjoy any pain are few and far in-between. Having somone whip you on the ass with a leather whip the way they do it isn’t real pain. As to why they might lie, I’m guessing for the attention…Oh I’m so hardcore, its so shocking I like getting whipped, give me a fucking break.
You are of course welcome to believe anything you choose. In this case you would also be wrong.
You’ll find that most people that are into sex mixed with pain don’t talk about it much without being asked. So who are they seeking attention from? Yes, like any group there are posers. They are the exception though.
So all those who put on public exhibitions are posers? Well let me tell you there must be a very high proportion of posers then. I was at a bar just last month and there was a group with all the BDSM type gear on whipping some chick’s ass.
You want a cite for people NOT doing something? That’s cute.
Some people do like to do things in public, I have seen though that the public demonstrations very much tend to be a lot less ‘hardcore’ (to use your word) then what they do in private. Exhibitionists and the SM crowd do have some crossover, but are not automatically the same thing. When I mentioned posers I was refering to your statement that there are people who aren’t as into it as they claim.
Well what do you expect going to a BDSM club? Or if by the very slight chance it wasn’t a BDSM club, then the group you saw were being extremely rude in showing off their kink to unsuspecting people.
Guess what, you see lots of gay people at gay pride. It doesn’t mean they are pretending to be homosexuals, just to look cool.
It wasn’t a BDSM club, just a regular bar. It wasn’t that they were rude that does not bother me, I just think its an obvious cry for attention, “Hey look at me!”
Gay pride events are trying to make a statement about prejudice and affect the political and social order. BDSM groups just want attention in my opinion, and maybe to make some money selling BDSM gear.
Oh dear, not a couple bruises on the ass :rolleyes:
The other link didn’t seem to show any pics.
Listen, I’m sure there a few that may enjoy some hardcore painful whatever in a sexual situation, but getting flogged on your ass and then saying “Oh I like pain”, that isn’t “real” pain, thats just someone who wants some attention for their “crazy” fetishes :rolleyes:
