During the last few years of our marriage my wife and I had sex (with each other :rolleyes: ) like maybe 10 times in a year. The first quarter of 2005 saw a rather painful dissolution of that relationship, but we managed to stay friends.
I’ve had more, and significantly better, sex in the last 2 months (WITH HER!!!) than I had all of last year.
Without embarking on another saga about all this, I’m just curious: Has anyone else had an experience like this? Where you break up with your S.O. and then get together as ‘acquaintances’ because now all of a sudden there’s chemistry? And just satisfy the living bejeezus out of each other physically as well as emotionally? What the hell’s up with that?
Lack of performance anxiety. Your relationship isn’t going to suffer any longer due to bad sex or not enough sex, because there’s no quote-unquote relationship any more. The lack of a “relationship diagnosis” frees up a connection on all levels–platonically, romatically, sexually. You also see each other during only the good (or horny) times, so they don’t see your off moments (or vice versa), and that leads you both to thinking that you’re much better people than you actually are. I think that’s part of the reason why so many people get re-involved or even re-married to people they’d previously disowned; they see the person only in selective good circumstances (like when they visit the kids) so they forget about how big a jerk they used to be.
It sucks when you don’t find out how compatible you and your SO are until you’re not officially together anymore. It also sucks when you find out that you get along with someone way better when you’re not living with them, because all serious relationships involve cohabitation at some point and if you’re such a shitty roommate that you can’t even live with someone who’s sleeping with you then there isn’t much hope for the kind of long-term committed relationship that most people seek. But anyway.
When my first husband announced he wanted a divorce (which, of course, was because of another woman) neither of us was in a financial position to move out. I didn’t want the divorce, and clung to anything I could. So when he approached me for some “lovin’” I accepted, even though I knew I was seriously messing with myself emotionally - even knowing that every day, he was going to work to see the other woman.
It was, strangely, the best sex we’d ever had together. But eventually the voice of reason became loud and insistent enough, and I stopped caving in. But looking back on it, I think the reason it was so good was because it was like the ultimate make-up sex, without the actual making up. Plus, it was emotionally powerful, was wrong (for the wrong reasons) and was against the norm…
My ex and I got together every so often after the break-up. Mostly for sex, also for company and affection.
Before we broke up we’d gone over a year without touching each other, but when the little niggling things weren’t there (toilet seat up/down, toothpaste cap issues, bills not paid, etc) the old passion came back. Briefly anyway.
After a few months we couldn’t even get along on the way to the bedroom.
I’ve had this same experience, and in my case it wasn’t the lack of anything, be it anxiety, pressure, whatever. The difference was that, for the first time in years, neither of us was confident of getting laid whenever we felt like it. There was the added element of uncertainty; “having sex” became, literally, “getting lucky.”
And yes, it was some of the craziest, hottest sex I’ve ever had.
Interestingly, this is just happening to me. I suppose I should stop it, because I doubt that we’ll ever get back together… but still… Do women really place an emotional attachment to it?
We call it “flashback” sex over here… Getting back with the Ex just for sex.
Its sad that all the nagging and living together ends up smothering the sex drive… people just accumulate all sorts of irritations.
“Sexing the Ex” as the OP puts it… is a quick, safe and sure way of getting a bit of sex and comfort. I just didn’t think the contrast between after and before would be so big.