OK, during the day I work in manufacturing (cosmetics), and there’s really not much to tell. I might write about it another time, but it’s nothing earth-shattering. What I thought I might share was how I spend a lot of my spare time.
I’m an “insider” at a strip club.
A little background. Most of my gf’s/ex-gf’s are dancers (they don’t like to be called strippers, but even I slip occasionally). Most of my friends are dancers or other dancers bf’s. I’ve known a lot of them for more than 10 years, from inside and outside the clubs.
A couple of tips:
- You will not get laid at a strip club.
You might get fucked, but you will not get laid. They will lead you on as far as they can, because it’s how they pay their bills, but it’s not going to happen. The exceptions to this rule are women you really don’t want to be with, trust me, you don’t.
- Be polite, don’t use words like cunt, knockers, etc. to refer to what you want to see.
Don’t call them strippers. Don’t be crude. Don’t assume that since they show you things other women won’t that it’s ok to be crude, rude, or disrespectful to them. They hate you for it. Classy and respectful will go far.
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If you did manage to fulfill your fantasy and take a dancer home, you’d find out that it’s not the Penthouse Forum dream you think it is. Dancing is a very physical job performed in what are usually fairly uncomfortable clothes and a lot of makeup and hair stuff. If you were allowed to hang around after closing, you’d see a entirely different bunch of girls walk out of the dressing room. Ususally after working 6-7 hours, all she wants is to shower, change into some sweats and soft shoes, eat, and rest. A dancer who just got off work is a sweaty, tired woman. Most of the dancers I’ve dated I got because I brought them food when they’d been working a long shift. They’re good people, really.
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Poor people have no place in a strip club.
Guys who have just enough to pay the cover and buy 1 beer are not gonna have a good time and will be largely ignored once they notice you’re not tipping. Spend your fiver on a Playboy and stay home.
Things never get hopping until late at a strip club. If you show up at 9, it won’t be very good and you’ll spend money tipping a lot of lower-tier dancers and you’ll be broke when the good shit happens around 12-1am. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that the biggest money earners in the club are almost always the last girls to show up. They’re always late. The less desirable girls have to work the off hours to make ends meet. The primo women only work the peak times.
Don’t go in the early afternoon or on slow days, all you’ll see are ugly girls or girls who REALLY need some money for some reason. Also, don’t go on really busy days, especially if there’s some major sporting event or something nearby. Crazy days like that send the girls into a feeding frenzy and you really don’t get good service, they’re all too busy running around in the giant crowd that’s raining money on them. Out of towners spend WAY more than regulars on average, so regulars will be largely ignored on big days like that. I stay home whenever there’s a NASCAR race in Martinsville for example.
- Never let any girl dance alone or dance without being tipped.
This is just common courtesy. If there’s a fat girl on stage and it’s her first (maybe last) night and she’s suffering, go up and tip her. She’s a person too, and it’ll get you brownie points with the other girls if they see it. Watch how much they tip each other.
- Don’t bother calling a club and asking if “Dancer X” is working tonite.
The answer will ALWAYS be something like “uhhh, yeah, I think I saw her earlier” or “she should be in soon” or just “Yes” even if she’s not there, quit, dead, etc. They want you to come in, that’s how they make money. They will never ever say “No, she’s not working tonite”. This is so funny and guys call non-stop.
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You’d be surprised how often a dancer’s boyfriend is sitting somewhere in the club. You’ll probably never be able to tell unless you see them outside the club. One way to spot him is watch if she lets someone hold her stuff or count her money. It’s a constant chore straightening out all those bills and counting them, believe me, I know.
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Almost always a girl has a set amount of money she has to make tonite. Maybe she needs rent, groceries, whatever or maybe she just has a number she likes to hit every night. Until she hits that number, she’s gonna be busy and won’t be as much fun. AFTER she hits the number, she’ll relax, spend more time, be more fun. Help her out and you’ll reap the rewards. Get your friends to buy dances, applaud, do whatever.
Dancers basically do what they want. If you’re in good with them they’ll often give you extra dances for free, better dances, whatever. They can make it as good or as brief as they want.
And most important of all…
Do not touch them.
When they’re working the crowd, hugging is ok, touching a shoulder or something, but do not grope them and Don’t Ever touch them when they’re dancing. They hate that and the bouncers and their friends hate it even more. Nothing brings us running like the sound of an ass slap, and I’ve seen more than one girl backhand an unruly customer. We all really hate when obnoxious drunk guys come in and try to feel up the girls. It ruins a good time for everyone, and it’s a good way to get your ass kicked too.
Oh, and one last thing…When I roll up in the lot with the hottest girl in the club in my passenger seat, get out, open her door and carry her suitcase to the club door, blaze past the doorman and follow her to the dressing room, YES, I am LOVING it and I love the pissed off looks I get from all the guys in the club.