In the Ronnie Barker comedy Open All Hours, Barker plays a shopkeeper of a small local shop, and is often seen writing things like “SAOP ON SPECIAL” on the window. When his hapless assistant Granville tells him about the spelling error, he says, “Yes, I know. But the old dears in the village won’t be able to resist coming in to tell me about it, and they’ll invariably BUY something while they’re here.”
I’ve often wondered if this technique has ever actually been used in the real world.
A bar nearby has their slogan emblazoned on several signs, their menu, the window, and a ton of advertising: “Alway’s a Good Time”.
Our local Pricilla’s has a vertical sign which scares the heck out of the appropriately placed apostrophe…
P
R
I
C
I
L
L
A
’
S
It looks so sad and lonely there.
Perhaps Miss Alway is one of the staff?
I once worked at a warehouse that had many many metal cabinets. One was labeled (in stenciling) “Stencil’s”.
I now work at a hospital. I know these people (mostly nurses) are not experts in punctuation or the English language, but seriously… Some recent sightings:
Doctor’s please sign in here.
Do not put cart’s in front of this wall, their getting in the way of the cleaning people.
You’re attention to detail saves lives!
(I love that one)
Do to construction the linen chute is out of order until Wednesday.
State Inspector’s will be using this room for all of Friday afternoon.
and one from the cafeteria:
Please form two line’s, the cashier’s will alternate side’s.
Oh… I see that all the time… someone prints out signs at work that say stuff such as:
“Attention”
blah blah blabbidy blah
blah blah etc…
or
“Nurses”
blah blah blah etc…
or “Friday”
The manager will be blah blah etc…
wtf"… And other “words” in the “announcement” are like “this”… “seemingly” at “random”. (Usually at least “two” or three in a “several” sentence blurb)
I don’t have a problem with that. It’s exactly how I imagine cows would spell. The title of the restaurant, on the other hand, was presumably dreamed up by humans.
Seen in a shop in our town “Farm-Fresh Egg’s”
Unneccessary apostrophes in signs bugs me as well. An extra problem around here is that it is not just signs in English that have them. Even signs in Swedish have them. This is even worse since Swedish does not use apostrophes at all.
Our Co-op is run by a brilliant set of folks and the signs are usually on the ball and correct and a refreshing change from the norm. Imagine my consternation when I saw the following in the area where the stretch carts are kept:
<Their term for stretch carts> are intended for use by families with more than “1” child.
Quotes run amok, and they didn’t spell out “one”. 
In my workplace, there is a drawer by the coffee machine labeled “Spoons, Knifes, & Fork’s”. When I want a spoon, knife or fork, I can never seem to remember where they’re kept, and I think it’s because I’m mentally blocking out the existence of that sign.
Just thinking about it makes me wish I had a knife right now…
Why should they spell out one?
Our neighborhood 24 hour breakfast dive is the Wafle Shop. Has been for years. It makes them memorable, as we will regularly decide to go for “wafles” at 3 in the morning, and everyone knows immediately where we are going.
Then again, nowhere else is open around there at 3 am, so it might not be an advantage to their business.
In New South Wales (but not some other Australian states IIRC), the Geographical Names Board or whatever they’re called now has a general rule that placenames with a possessive in them should omit the apostrophe. We have a Kings Cross here, and that’s one of them. Maybe there is a similar rule in the UK?
In the middle of the 20th century, the US Postal Service insisted on removing all apostrophes from place names, so that the little buggers wouldn’t confuse the magnetic ink readers. Since the USPS apparently gets the final authority on what places are called, this change has been universally accepted.
I still insist on referring to the county I grew up in as Gray’s Harbor (it was named for American explorer Robert Gray), no matter what the bureaucrats want. Now that address-reading technology can deal with punctuation, I wish they’d allow places to change back where appropriate.
It depends which style guide you use, but generally at least the numbers less than ten get spelled out.
"If you are using AP style, you will need only spell out single digit numbers (one through nine) and use figures for 10 and above. However, The Chicago Manual of Style recommends spelling out whole numbers one through one hundred."
Obligatory link:
Hee:
Thai Massage Was Closed Due To “Fire”
Perfect!
I remember reading somewhere - might’ve been Elements of Style but it might’ve been somewhere else - that you only spell out numbers if they begin a sentence. There are obviously opinions that go either way, like with many other style choices, which drops this one in the pile of things I can’t get worked up over.
Actually, it is acceptable to use an apostrophe before the ‘s’ in the plural noun “apostrophes.” Little known fact, but absolutely true; look it up.