The reason I’m posting this here is because my friends–as wonderful as they are and as much as I love them–aren’t good at advice. They tend to answer out of a knee-jerk rebellion, or change the subject.
Anyway, I suppose I should ask the question that my friends aren’t able to help me with.
I’m set to graduate from a private university with my BA in English in December of this year, and at the age of 20. This is a full year and a half early–I had a lot of AP credits. This is mostly because my dad lost his job, and, as he’s sort of upper-middle management in a tech field, it might be a while before he finds another one. Graduating early, IMHO, would save my parents some much needed money.
Additionally, I am engaged to a really, really wonderful guy. I would like to be able to live with him, as the long-distance thing–while manageable because it ain’t all that long–isn’t the funnest thing in the world (nor the most economically feasible).
Now, after I graduate…to be honest, I don’t much care what happens in terms of a job and/or education. I’ve been running on “high” since 4th grade. I’ve been challenging myself and taking honors/advanced classes, working hard on my writing, and being a Good Daughter and behaving (not even one detention or tardy through all four years of high school!). In other words, I’m getting burned out. I find it hard to justify going with engines at 100% anymore simply because I’m so freakin’ tired. This is hard to explain to my parents, because it doesn’t seem like I’m working. I don’t show it; it’s not my nature. But, I’ll tell you what, I’m sure as hell not getting these grades based on my looks.
I know that I really don’t want to go get my master’s right now (though, if my some fluke of nature I got into a UIowa graduate writing workshop, I would–after they got me down off of the ceiling). I’m too tired of intellectualizing and analyzing literature and all that good stuff. It’s not fun anymore.
Because of the nature of my degree, that doesn’t leave me with a lot of options. With a few months studying, I could probably take the MCAT or the LSAT and do decently enough; possibly very well on the MCAT. But that would mean more school, which, frankly, I don’t think my parents and I can afford, since my dad’s busy buying brand new freakin’ Jeep Cherokees with his unemployment (I refrained from writing a Pit rant on this. Words wouldn’t do my anger justice). Though at least my classes would have some practical application…
Basically, that leaves me with two options. I could get a job with my English BA, write in my spare time, and hope that the economy picks up or something. Or, I could graduate from the private school I’m in right now, and get my secondary education certification from NIU, which is about an hour from both my parents’ house and my SO’s house.
Right now, I’d like to be able to do the second–so long as I could live with my SO. My dad has, as of late, demonstrated evidence of severe emotional problems. As he was emotionally abusive before all this, I don’t see things getting any better later. However, I don’t know if my parents would finance my education if I were married and/or living with my fiance. I don’t even know if I have a right to expect them to pay a dime. I do wonder if maybe I could take out loans, but I don’t know how well a later teaching salary would pay for them. Plus, getting my certification means still more school!
I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I want to do. I think it boils down to “I want to get the hell away from my father,” but maybe that’s not it.
So I look to you guys for some semblence of advice. I don’t know how well I’ve explained myself, or even if I deserve to be getting advice. I do know that I really, really need it though. Even if you don’t have any…thanks for listening.