To Utah?
This August my sisters are visiting my grandparents in Utah. It’ll be the first time they’ve been back to Utah since we moved a year ago.
I refused to go, and my mom didn’t push the issue. But I know my grandparents are going to freak out. But I have my reasons.
When I left Utah, it was very very hard on me. I have finally adjusted to my life in California, and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to return. I’ve already said my goodbyes to the place I loved, and I know how much it has changed. I don’t want to see those changes. I don’t miss the people at all, but I miss the land. And I know it’s been very disrupted by the rapid growth that area has gone through.
Is this too childish? I know I couldn’t handle going back, even for a week. I get frightened just thinking of it. But is it a valid reason? Or should I have to explain myself to anybody?
If anybody wants to know why I’m attatched to the land go to
http://www.geocities.com/pepperlandgirl4/pic.html
and look at the first 3 pictures.
Don’t worry about it PLG. If you don’t think you can handle going back, don’t go. If anyone wants you to explain why, you don’t have to answer them in detail. Just simply say, “I have my reasons.” You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. No, it’s not childish. Maybe you could just call you grandma and say, “Hi. Sorry I couldn’t make it out there.” A call from you should prevent Grams from freaking out. Hope this helps and good luck with it.
<Devil’s Advocate>
What’s the worst that will happen if you go back? You’ll feel bad for a while … perhaps shed a few tears. Perhaps you’ll spend a month afterwords getting yourself together.
But (you knew that was coming), perhaps that’s a small price to pay to make the Grandparents happy.
</Devil’s Advocate>
The above is serious, but, of course, I don’t know you or just how tough this will/would be for you.
Good Luck,
Tinker
PLG . . . so many things I could say about this.
I will tell you this story. I grew up not quite two miles from my grandparents’ house. I went to the school they had founded some forty years back (1942). I graduated and had some fond memories of the whole area, for reasons of which I am not entirely aware.
Some time after that (maybe a year, maybe two) the school bought my grandmother’s house and the accompanying land. To make a long and quite painful story very short, they started “renovating” it . . . tearing things down, uprooting a tree I remembered fondly and replacing it with a parking lot. All this happened when I was at boarding school or otherwise not visiting the house and school, as my grandmother didn’t live there anymore and I didn’t want to visit.
This past summer I went back to see what had become of the place. The entire spirit . . . the feeling that it was alive . . . gone. Replaced by a parking lot, linoleum where my grandfather’s study had been, and in general an empty feeling.
The kicker came when I went to see what had become of the pool. I didn’t even see it. They had evidently filled it in or covered it up or otherwise hidden it. I had fond memories of this pool as well, and to see it gone was as if the law of conservation no longer existed . … the pool did not exist anymore. All the fond memories I had of diving, swimming, that type of stuff . … had no base.
I have not been back to see the house since. I have no desire to do as much.
Is it the thought of the ruination of the area you once knew that’s making you reluctant? Some relationships with family or others that you’d have to face again and you’d like to avoid?
I’m a big advocate of looking out for Number One. But sometimes you have to be a little selfless for the sake of your family, especially grandparents, because you never know how many more opportunities you’ll have, ya know?
I don’t envy you in this struggle …
Pepperlandgirl, I have been in the same situation. It is a rough decision for you to make. The odds are the area has had some changes and you will feel sad at some of the changes and glad for the other changes.
I would recommend going for your grandparents sake if nothing else.
Your Utah home is very similar to my Washington home. I know why you loved it.
Good Luck!!
Thank you everybody for your input.
I haven’t really thought about my grandparents before. THank you for bringing up that point.
But, the truth is, I have no real desire to see my grandparents. The month before we moved, both of them treated me very shabbily, and my grandfather went as far as to lie to me. And it wasn’t a small lie…it was a lie that could have ruined my BF’s life. I didn’t appreciate it. Right now I have forgiven them, but that’s only because I haven’t seen them for awhile.
But the main reason is the land. You see, when I moved there was a LOT of construction going around all over. Remember in Gone With the Wind when Scarlet fights to save Tara because she loved the land so much? That’s the exact same boat I’m in. I love the rivers, trees, soil, flowers, birds, animals, mountains. I don’t want to see it gone, and it will be.
Maybe I will just settle for a phone call.
But more input would be greatly appreciated.
If I may …
Sorry, we don’t know each other well and I don’t know your emotions or feelings on this apart from what you have written …
but won’t you always be wondering if you don’t?
pLt, therin lies the problem. I WILL always wonder…but at the same time I’m frightened. I’m torn.
sometimes it’s better to wonder …
but not often.
I was working overseas recently and when I came back I had a choice between 2 cities. Brisbane and Adelaide. Brisbane was my family and friends and in Adelaide was someone who I once loved with all my heart but who had hurt me terribly.
I decided to go to Adelaide. It was hard, things didn’t work out and I ended up in Brisbane anyway …
but the long and the short of it is I am no longer wondering if things can work … I have moved on to the next stage of my life.
Sometimes we all need that little bit of closure.
Closure.
I think I got closure when I moved. I said my goodbyes. It took me a month, but I said them. That’s why I’m scared of saying hellos again. I won’t have a month to do it all over again. All I will really have time for is “hellos” and none for “goodbyes.”
Well, if that was really the case would you be facing this decision now? Wouldn’t the decision to not go make so much sense the debate would be over?
The more I read, the more convinced I am that you should go back and just put an end to any issues that are dwelling on you.