Here’s my story. If you feel the need to call me names then try to keep it to a minimum and have your name calling done in a fashion that offers useful, relevant info about this situation.
I met a female friend in college last year. We used to talk pretty much every day via email and every other day via IM. She would tell me about personal stuff, like her dad dying, and I would tell her personal stuff like how my relationship with my family wasn’t as good as I want it to be or how I had a lot or problems a few years ago and am rebuilding my life.
In January, she was telling me that she was in NYC and met a friend who ended up becoming wealthy because of some investments he’d made. He drives a Mercedes Benz and when she was talking to him she said ‘you can have any woman you want’. For some reason that statement made me not want to talk to her about personal info nearly as much. For the next month, emails were sporatic.
I honestly don’t think it was because she was attracted to money that pushed me away from her. I realize that its normal for women to be attracted to money, and I really can’t blame her for wanting money (she has none right now), I think it’s the way she said it. ‘you can have any woman you want’, to me this shows someone who has a very superficial understanding of interpersonal relationships. Its like going to a doctor and all he does is prescribe antibiotics for everything. You expect more depth and understanding than that, a better ability to understand that the world is very complex from someone you are trusting with your health.
Yes I realize I am very anal by being bothered by a sentence structure. But honestly, if she had said something like ‘I love men with money’ or something like that I don’t think it would’ve bothered me. Something about the phrase ‘you can have any woman you want’ shows that this person doesn’t really understand the complexities or variances of the human mind, how not everyone is interested in the same things.
Secondly, her husband is a petty criminal. He tells me stories about how he would steal golf carts and crash them, or shoplift or his friends would go joyriding in stolen cars. She told me she found it exciting. Again, getting your rocks off on someone who doesn’t respect other people’s feelings or property doesn’t strike me as something I’d find desirable in an emotionally bonded friend.
But who am I to judge? I swap MP3’s on the internet. I support president Bush. I am 100% sure I do things people are offended by too. I feel I’m holding people to unrealistic standards.
Once when I was talking to her, I told her maybe I needed to be more assertive with women. She was very enthusiastic and stated ‘yes, women love security’. Which I grant is true, but dammit all if my anality didn’t get the best of me again.
There are obviously biological reasons for what men & women find sexually attractive, but they don’t glamorize them and when people do glamorize them it seems to me like they haven’t really looked at themselves or life in general objectively before. When I see a woman in bicycle shorts I don’t think to myself ‘I’d like to rip her clothes off and fuck her brains out because I love children’. Its true in the sense that that’s why I want to fuck her (because I want kids) but I don’t glamorize it by painting something base and instinctual as something noble. If I had done that, it would make me look like I consider personal maturity based on how well I can blindly follow my biological orders coming out of my reptilian brain (did I mention I can come across as condescending?). If she had said something like ‘women love the idea of being impregnated by men with good genetics so they can give birth to a race of genetically superior supermen’ then I wouldn’t have minded because she would’ve given the impression that she has looked at herself and her gender from an objective, outside, large scale perspective. but she didn’t, she glamorized her basic instincts.
She is getting tired of me growing apart from her, so i told her all this stuff a couple of weeks ago. I am guessing we will probably only talk once a week or so.
As we stand now, we IM maybe 3 times a month, and the info is sterile and non-emotional. Stuff like ‘help me find a cheap hotel’ or ‘what kind of refrigerator are you buying for your new house’? Thats assuming the friendship even survives.
I tend to think I am being unfair and anal as hell, what do you people think?