Should I Stay or SHould I Go Now? I'm So Lost....

In My Humble Opinion
1

Ok, so I need some advice. Some direction. The quick and dirty here is the question of whether I should continue to stay on the east coast, move back to California, or do something else entirely.

Here’s a recap of the last few years of my life for context.

In 2000 I worked for a .com and ended up with horrible carpal tunnel, cubital tunnel, and shoulder tendonitis due to their crappy ergonomic-free workspaces. There was disability, an ugly lawsuit, and a lot of frustration. The company admitted all fault, a judge declared me 30% permanently disabled, and I got a few (single digit) grand, even though I’d been out of work, had to switch careers, etc. The case took over 18 mos to resolve.

Anyway, fall 2001 I began grad school. Because the lawsuit was still going, I couldn’t work at a different job due to the worker’s comp laws in the state of CA. I had moved to the Bay Area, which I loved. My school was ok.

Then I went blind. Retina detachment. But no worries, a particularly gruesome surgery restored my sight. This was January 2002. I had finally resolved my case with the .com enough to be allowed to look for another job, but the eye thing kept me out for a few *more * months. Plus, I had to find a job that worked around full-time grad school.

But I did. And the evil eye healed. And I transferred to a better school in the fall of 2002. One I really really loved.

However, I was still *extremely * broke. And because my new school was over 50 miles away from my work, the commute proved impossible to maintain. So I had to find a new job.

Did I mention I was extremely broke? Like 60 days behind on car payments? Couldn’t always buy groceries? Yeah, that kind of broke.

But I loved my school. And I had a 3.5 GPA. And I got a new job teaching preschool, which I adored. And life began to be swell.

Then the Labor Day of Doom occurred. On Friday, I was laid off. The following Wednesday I discovered I didn’t get enough financial aid to cover expenses for even tuition, not to mention books, housing, transport, life, etc.

I tried to call my family for advice. Here I should mention that my mother is mentally ill and my father is a drug addict. At the time, he was rather high. I had 48 hours to make a decision about staying in school (and coming up with 3 grand, NOW), or dropping out for a term or two.

I finally made the painful decision to leave school, as I had no way to come up with the funds. I tried to find work. But the economy was absolute poop.

I got leads for work on the east coast. I moved back here, and in with my boyfriend (who’d also been my friend for 12 years). Despite the “better” economy, it still took me a few months to find work.

But I did. And it is vapid, soulless work. I do nothing. I sit in a fancy office and occasionally file paperwork. Mostly, I read SDMB and other sites. I’ve been writing this for about 45 min, with no disturbance of any kind. The job relates not at all to the career I was invested in at school. But I get paid a decent amount of money.

Anyway, I miserable. My boyfriend and I have gone back to being friends instead of partners. Now that actually isn’t what’s making me miserable. That’s a Good Thing. We get along much better this way. But because living together wasn’t working, I moved to my parents’ house.

And here my troubles began. My Dad has been in rehab during the past month, and is now out. He isn’t using anymore, but he is still being very controlling and demanding and mood swingy. My mother is mentally ill, and spends a lot of time crying or screaming or feeling abandoned. She refuses counseling. My brother, also out of work (recent college grad), lives there too. He loves riding the Gravy Train, and so isn’t really doing too much on finding a job.

I could write a book on my home life, but let’s just say it is rapidly pushing me towards a nervous breakdown and there was a *reason * I left at 16, almost 11 years ago. I’m only back because of economics, and with the weather warming up, sleeping in the car is becoming a preferable option to the chaos going on inside their house.

Given everything, I’m debating moving back to SF in a few months once I have $$ saved up. One friend suggested today though that I just go back asap and couch surf with friends until I find a place of my own. This seems a bit risky to me.

I’m not a fan of the east coast. I like SF a lot more. It is really my home. But my economic sit at the time I left was fairly dire. This is a cursory overview, obviously, of the whole thing. So feel free to ask about anything that is unclear.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

2

blink blink Wow.

Ok, since I actually do work between my recreational internet use :wink: I only have about a 75% comprehension of your post, but I think I got most of it.

If you’re making “good” money, I’d sit tight for a little bit. If living with the folks is that bad, try to find someone to split an apartment or a house with. I would stick it out for awhile (6 months?) at least until you have a finacial cushion to go back.

Or you could move down here and party with us :smiley:

3

Here’s what I’d do: Move out of the house, even if it’s a roommate situation, and save up your cash. I don’t live there now, but my friends in SF tell me the COL is still pretty steep. Figure out your finances (how much you you can save a month) and set yourself a target, like “I’ll move to San Francisco when I have $3000 banked” and you’ll also know a timeframe (“Around 6 months”).

Spend all your free time at work researching your move, looking for work, finding a place to stay, that kinda thing. If couch-surfing is an option, see if you can take a week off and fly out. Schedule a bunch of job interviews (if you can get em) for that week. Crash out at your friends’ place, interview, see if you can nail down a job.

Yea, you could just pick up and move, I’ve done it, but I’d rather spend a little time preparing. I know my soul-sucking job was more worth it when I had a goal in mind.

4

I’m trying to save up and hopefully move back this summer. However, I live in Fairfield county, CT, right now. The COL is about the same as SF. Which means if I was renting, I wouldn’t have enough to save. Fucking sucktastic bush-conomy.

5

It sounds like, as much as I hate to say it, that your best bet may well be to get the Hell out of dodge. You’re in a situation at home that’s making you stressed and otherwise a risk for your well being. While I’d suggest staying with the soul-sucking job to get a financial cushion, I think that getting out of your parents’ house is the most important factor. I don’t like this advice, but if your only choices are go back to SF now, or stay in that house… go back, now.

6

Could you get a second job, waiting tables, or washing dishes, at night? It would keep you out of the house, and help you save more money for moving back.

7

This is a vote for going to San Francisco, even though it won’t sound like it at first: SF is full of people with no money, looking to make it anyway they can.

BUT:
You have friends in SF, which means a more “emotionally nurturing environment.” I hate the phrase, but you know what I mean.

There are tons of little, fun, flexible jobs in SF. And tons of people out there looking for roommates, and sympathetic homeowners who are willing to take renters in for cheap because they actually remember what it was like.

[anecdotal reverie]I had a friend who rented half a room (she shared the other half with her girlfriend) from this guy who had a very cool old victorian with lots of rooms, a back deck that had a view of a Bay Bridge and was one and a half blocks from the Castro theatre for $200/month, a virtual paradise for a lesbian fresh out of high school with no family support. The house was like something from Maupin when I visited, all these GLBT youth living happily despite their families telling them to burn in hel;l, and all because there really are some people out there who give a shit, and are in a position and possess the patience to do something about it. [/end afterschool special reverie]

And, SF and the East Bay are amazing, especially if you don’t have kids or pets to limit your living situation options.

Plus, SF just gets in your blood…why else do you think people put up with such a high COL, such population density, crime, craziness and traffic?

8

You need to be able to stablize yourself emotionally before you make any big decisions. But I would certainly move away from the parents. That kind of situation at your age can eat you alive. Temporary group living somewhere perhaps? Have you considered substitute teaching?

9

Just wondering, because you don’t go blind with retinal detachment. I know, because I had it.

10

Well, Inky, this is what I’ve got to offer.

I can only speak from a Seattle standpoint, but from what I know over all the west coast economy sucks pretty damned bad and is still getting worse. I just bailed from Seattle after eight years.

I miss it. ALOT.

But it’s just near impossible to find a decent job there right now.

I can’t speak for SanFran, so that’s the best I can do.

11

My retina was partially detached for 4 months before the surgery. See, I also have a minor case of epilepsy, which can cause some pretty weird changes in the way things appear visually, smell, taste, sound, etc. Well, in Spetember I began to get this blinky light thing in my left eye, mostly randomly, but more when I was tired or had been reading a lot. I went to a very well regarded neurologist. He was a mega-ass. After talking with me for 15 minutes, without reviewing my medical history and without running any tests he told me that this was “all in my head” and “nothing in medical literature could explain my symptoms.”

I went to a shrink. The weird ligth stuff got worse. I began getting eye strain headaches.

I went to Pearle Vision and said, “yo, I think I need new glasses.” They ran a regular peripheral vision test and noticed I had no peripheral vision on my left side. I denied this. They ran the test again. They said, “nope. no peripheral vision on that side. But you think you do.” The test involved me clicking a button whenever a blinky light appeared. I never clicked when it was there, but clicked a lot when it wasn’t.

They dialated my eyes. They made Worried Doctor Face. They told me my retina was detached. I asked for a number for a retina specialist. They said, “oh, don’t worry, we’ve already paged him.”

Cue emergency surgery using liquid nitrogen to glue the retina back together and a scleral buckle added in for extra fun. Cue muscle problems that left me with a floating eyeball and double vision probs for months. Cue damaged pupil nerves that made it non-reactive to changes in light. Cue innability to read for more than an hour a day for a few months.

But then it all got mostly better. I still have a significant blind spot on my left side, mainly from retinal scarring (I have a mark of zorro looking scar on the retina). I still see wavy lines in text constantly, due to said scarring. But I’ve gotten used to it. I also still see the blinky light thing, but not as bad as it was.

But yes, for awhile I had no peripheral vision and little functional vision due to massive unhappiness of said eye. My retina detachment was very bad. The day I saw my retina specialist he said, “either you have surgery this week or you will lose all sight permanently within a month.”

That’s my exciting eye story, minus the gory details of the surgery, which I was awake for. Turns out, if the neurologist had been on the ball or simply told me to get an eye exam, I would have only had the laser surgery and prolly not lost and of my sight.