Should I take a new job or stay? Family drama.

In My Humble Opinion
1

So here’s the deal: My dad was laid off from an oil company job a couple years ago, partly as a result of the 2014 oil market crash and partly because of his being nearly 70. With his connections, he was able to throw out his shingle for a tiny ‘consulting’ firm.

TLDR, said firm has 1 client and just 1 person working there, me. I had graduated one of those ‘affiliated’ state schools (like UT:Tyler or UH:Downtown) that carry the name but are actually a totally separate school, and had a tough time finding a job.

Basically I work from a second house he inherited, and I don’t pay rent. Due to only having one client and the poor state of the oil industry, the ‘firm’ has only pulled in about 90k in revenue in 2 years. I’ve been paid about half of it. In 2 years, I’ve maybe done 6-8 months of actual work.

Well, I’ve been taking OMSCS courses online (that’s the Master’s program they offer from Georgia Tech), and I went to an online job fair and was offered an internship at a major software firm in a different city. It only pays $25 an hour, but when I do work for my dad as a consultant (he pays me as a 1099), I only make $32.5, so it’s comparable.

More importantly, this puts me in the running for a full time position there, and they told me verbally that was the case. Certainly they aren’t going to make their money back doing whatever they have interns do for 3 months. Full time workers report salaries where 72k is the bottom end of the scale on Glassdoor for a similar position.

So, it comes out to this :

My arguments :

I have a decent shot of getting a full time offer, and if it’s remotely close to the median salary for my years of experience + job title, that’s ~72k. I’d need to be paid $90k a year as a 1099 employee to be comparable.

I can finish up any outstanding projects before I leave for the internship and do some code cleanup on weekends.

My parent can rent the house I would no longer be living in to someone else for $1500 a month.

In reality I’m making $20k/year at the moment for my folks and it’s probably costing them most of that in various expenses. The oil industry is only slightly picking up so this is not going to change anytime soon.

My dad is not senile or even mentally degraded much, he's fully capable of doing 
some of what I was doing for him.

The oil industry is highly cyclical and may in fact be doomed long term, Trump's 
election notwithstanding.  The new industry is in a growing one.

 Yes, my folks are giving me a free house to live in, but it's not "worth" the annual 
rent to me added to my salary because I could live in an apartment with 
  roommates for 40% of that.

My Parent’s arguments :

It's bad to be a "wage slave" working for a major firm.  

The major firm would bust me back to much simpler work than I am currently 
doing.

If I leave for this new job, it's over 1000 miles away and I won't see them much.

When our one client finds out, they might be mad.  

I owe them for helping me out in a jam.  (this is absolutely true)

Naturally, after I accepted the internship, our one client is talking about all kinds of 
possible future work.

I'm making a bad decision, and shouldn't listen to anything I read on the internet, 
this is going to be a disaster like well meaning decisions I made in the past.

My parents don't want to throw away or store any of the family possessions 
stashed in this house, so they won't be renting it to anyone else, therefore it's all 
my fault and my dad claims he might just die from the stress of having to take 
care of a second house.

Anyways, I dunno how to sort all this out. Yeah, this is why you don’t do business with family, but at the time I didn’t have any better options. I feel like shit after getting yelled at, and it’s absolutely true that I owe them massively for helping me.

2

Sometimes there comes a time when it’s good to be 1000 miles away from your family, and independent.

Since they probably aren’t going to rent out the house in the near future (and it sounds like you’re moving out anyway, from another thread) and the internship is for three months, that would give you a good chance to (a) see how you like living there, (b) see how you like working there, and © see how your family business manages without you.

I don’t think the oil biz is going away any time soon. Sounds like you are moving out of the house anyway from another thread

3

Yuck. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. What age range are you? It seems like you need to get out on your own.

I tell my kids that my goal in life is to kick them out of the house someday. While they have helped you out, you also need to gain some independence.

The 1,000 miles sounds about right.

4

Whose life are you actually living? Yours or your dads?

*It’s bad to be a “wage slave” working for a major firm. *
The jobs I’ve been happiest in have been the ones where I work for major firms. I did several years in a small HR consultancy and it was twice as stressful.

The major firm would bust me back to much simpler work than I am currently doing.
Perhaps. But by putting the time in to work at that level, you open yourself up to opportunities to work at higher levels. That’s how career progression works.

If I leave for this new job, it’s over 1000 miles away and I won’t see them much.
Correct. It would be nice if we could all find jobs that allow us to be close to our families, but it’s becoming increasingly rare.

*When our one client finds out, they might be mad. *
Oh no!

I owe them for helping me out in a jam. (this is absolutely true)
If there has been any debt owed (and I really don’t like the idea of children being in debt to their parents, then you’ve repaid that debt for the past two years. That’s long enough.

Naturally, after I accepted the internship, our one client is talking about all kinds of
possible future work.
Great! Your dad can hire someone if he can’t do it on his own.

I’m making a bad decision, and shouldn’t listen to anything I read on the internet, this is going to be a disaster like well meaning decisions I made in the past.
Maybe it will be a disaster. But you can’t be protected by your parents forever. You have to learn to stand on your own two feet. Otherwise how will you cope when they are gone?

My parents don’t want to throw away or store any of the family possessions stashed in this house, so they won’t be renting it to anyone else, therefore it’s all my fault and my dad claims he might just die from the stress of having to take care of a second house.
Now he’s just being ridiculous.

5

TLDR version - congratulations on your new internship.

Regards,
Shodan

6

Take the internship. Your Dad and you can tag team on any work your current client might throw at you…It doesn’t seem like its all that much work anyway.

You can’t pass up an opportunity to grow and get more experience, if it doesn’t work out, you can probably go back to the consultancy. You have a perfect opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and learn something, and if it doesn’t work out, you can go back to where you were.

Think of it and spin it to your dad as an opportunity for you to learn valuable skills that will make the consultancy better and stronger; this is great training for the consultancy that he is getting for free.
And, if he’s pressuring you like that…it sounds like he’s the one wanting you to be slave labor to his desires, not yours.

7

Your dad is 70 and worked for an oil company. How long was he a “wage slave”? Gimme a break :-/

I’ve had my own business for over 15 years now and I dream daily of being someone’s “wage slave,” which means getting paid on time every 2 weeks and not begging and scraping for money, hoping that your client either spends some money on you or just writes a check already. Oh and “wage slaves” work more than 6-8 months out of 24.

Sounds like your dad is just sour grapes from getting laid off from his cushy wage slave job.

Just for that, my advice to do the internship! :slight_smile: Which I think you already are, based on your reaction in the “catio” thread.

8

Add me to the “take the internship” list. Gee, this is such a disputed issue…

Several years back, my mother was hitting so heavily and constantly the “you owe me!” key that all three of her children consulted religious and civil authorities on the subject; we found out we’d all done it separatedly the first time we all happened to be at her house when she hammered that button again. Our country’s law says we owe her “nothing other than what’s owed any other person (that is, killing her is still illegal)”; the priests said “she’s supposed to have given you life, not a mortgage at 20% interest :p”.

You owe your parents your life, but that’s not something on which you can pay interest. Don’t try.

9

Agree completely. I have been self-employed for almost 20 years, and that means:

No regular paycheck - when work slows down, I make less money.
No paid vacation - if I take off work for a week or two, that means I make no money for that period.
I pay for my own health insurance, which has tripled in price in recent years.
I fully fund my own retirement - no contributions by my employer, and no company pension.
I pay all of my FICA taxes.

Of course, it also means flexibility in my schedule and other positive characteristics. But in the end, being self-employed only makes sense when you can pull in at least 150 percent of what you can make in a regular employment job, IMO. You have been doing this for two years and making less than you could in an achievable job.

Your dad is 70. Frankly, it’s time for him to either retire or run this consulting business on his own. I understand that your family helped you out, but that doesn’t mean you put your career on hold until your dad either really retires or becomes unable to work.

I get that 1000 miles away is pretty far away, and I admit I’ve never lived more than a five hour drive from my family. How inexpensive and convenient are flights to and from home and the new job location?

10

And further in that vein, are you going to live your own life yourself, or let your folks dictate how it will be?

In my view, the guilt trip they’re foisting on you is more than enough reason, in and of itself, to move 1,000 miles away. They’re not expressing love and concern, they’re expressing entitlement and disdain for your choices.

I’m sure you love them, and they love you, but it’s time to cut the cord. Fly or fall on your own terms.

11

Very inexpensive, both cities are major hubs.

About 40 years.

12

Yeah so your dad was perfectly happy being a “wage slave” for 40 years, and it bought him 2 houses and raised a family. That argument from him is totally, totally invalid. He has no idea what being the opposite of a “wage slave” is.

13

Pretty much. And he bitches whenever he has to do the accounting for the business. And yeah, the client always decides to pay up maybe a month or more after you actually send a bill, and then in the theme of shit rolling downhill, my dad decides to pay me my cut a few months after that. And yeah, I need $6000 bucks worth of dental work and I just hope each morning that my molar needing a crown doesn’t get infected and need a root canal until I can either afford to take 2 weeks and get it fixed in Mexico or get a full time job with dental coverage.

But hey, I have a free house to live in. Although, it needs new carpets, a new kitchen, one bathroom is gutted and the other needs renovations, and one bedroom is half gutted and full of boxes. So yeah, nobody is going to pay to rent this place at full rate without tens of thousands of dollars of renovations.

14

Only, that house isn’t free for you to live in anywhere but on your balance sheet. You pay for it in stress. Take the internship and move away; 1000 miles is not insurmountable and who knows? Maybe you’ll do well, get established and when your folks visit maybe they’ll want to move there. Either way, someone will be unhappy w/ where you are until your growing up is acknowledged.

15

You absolutely should move. Your parents don’t have your best interests at heart, unfortunately.

16

Out of the nest, baby bird!

One client, huh? How fucked would you be if they quit you?

17

Your parents give you roots, then they give you wings.

Time to try out your wings. You’ve been rooted long enough. It sounds like a great opportunity and you should definitely explore it.

18

Well, that’s certainly another important factor. What happens if this sole client goes out of business or chooses someone else to work for them?

If you’ve been working in this capacity for two years, why is there still only one client who is keeping you less than 50% busy? Seems like plenty of time to find more business/clients (if it’s going to happen).

19

This is a shit show. Your 2 years of work has more than paid back whatever moral debt you owe them and frankly most decent parents would not be pulling and playing that “you owe me” card if their kid had the opportunity to progress.

You keep siting on your ass with this family scenario you will eventually age out of being hireable. You need to pursue this job.

PLUS if my kid (even if an adult) needed $6000 worth of dental work and I could not afford it I sure would not be trying to keep him down on the farm because it was convenient to me.

I suppose I just don’t get your parents perspective here. There is no angle in this situation where you going out on your own isn’t the best thing to do. That they are blocking that effort is just weird especially since you need more cash flow for dental work.

20

Parent guilt-triping kid about to move away. Your long and detailed explanation is uneeded, even though the details (the extremely good reasons why you shouldn’t move away, how it’s going to hurt the parent, why exactly you’re ungrateful…) vary a lot, the story is always the same, and the answer too : move along. Your parents will eventually get over it.