My car died, something greatly wrong in the transmission. My mother-in-law has offered to “lend” me several thousand dollars to help replace the car. She says I can pay it back whenever I want, which is why I wrote “lend” with quote marks. What she really means is “give” me the money as sort of a pre-inheritance, since my wife is the inheritor of her modest estate. My MIL doesn’t expect to live many more years (I think she’s underestimating herself & modern medicine).
It’s a serious inconvenience to only have one car, my wife is picking me up and dropping me off for work, a twice-daily ritual that’s putting 36 extra miles on her car per day. She wants me to take the money. I’m having trouble swallowing my pride on this. We can’t afford a new car. If it were for our immenent tax-refund check, I couldn’t even consider trying to fix the current broken one.
Well, under the presumption that the money would not be a burden on the MIL in any way, I’d accept it. I understand the pride thing, I really do, but you should probably trust that the MIL would feel really good to be able to do this for you. It’s my guess that if she offered it up without prompting then she’s probably eager to do something to help her familiy.
Lessen the burden on your pride if you must by paying her back in installments on what ever schedule you can afford, and in the mean time be a little more attentive to the MIL on holidays and express your gratitude appropriately.
If you really can’t afford it any other way and MIL sees it as a way to make both you and her precious baby’s life easier then I would take it. What good is waiting until she passes away to get it then when you really need it now. Plus, she probably has that money earmarked already and it can make her feel good that she can do something to really help family in need. Most older people like that especially if they are offering the idea on the own.
I say take it. Also, since this is your MIL, I see it as a gift from her to her daughter in order to make her daughter’s life easier. You just happen to be married to her.
Unless your wife is the only heir you can expect this to be an issue when your MIL dies. I’d suggest a properly witnessed loan contract w/ minimal monthly payments. You should try to make sure that your MIL has a will and this “loan” might even be addressed in the will. A lawyer can tell what options she has and the fee is a small price to pay, if it avoids a squable when it comes time to divide the estate.
My grandparents recently “lent” me a good chunk of change so I didn’t have to take out any loans getting through my last semester of college. They are in their 80’s. And I’m also supposed to “pay them back” “whenever”. I think we all know when that will be.
I appreciate it very much, I just can’t help find a bit of humor in the situation.
Go ahead and take the loan and plan to pay it back. Then someday when you are in better financial shape make someone else a loan that you don’t absolutely expect back. It is all good.
There are a lot of extenuating circumstances that you haven’t gone into to help us advise you on this situation. Would your MIL use her loan as a weapon? Is she likely to throw it in your face at some point in the future? Do you think she is truly offering to help her kids out? Is your old car worth replacing the transmission in, rather than replacing the whole car?
If the only sticking point to this transaction is your pride, I’d say swallow it and do what’s best for your family. Sometimes you gotta let other people help you to get ahead. And when it’s family, and you trust them to not use it against you, it makes them feel good to help you, too.
Just as kind of a side-note regarding pre-inheritances, my grandma did things like that - she often gave all her seven kids and numerous grandkids $100 and $1000 Christmas gifts rather than a large inheritance. I would recommend this to everyone - give the money to your family when they’re young and struggling, rather than holding onto it and them inheriting it once they don’t need it any more. My grandma was a very practical woman.
The woman is still alive and it’s her money and she has every right to do with it what she wants. No one is owed an inheritance unless there is some kind of pre-arranged legally valid trust. Whatever is left after she dies becomes her estate and that will be divided according to her will, assuming she has one. Up until that point, her money is hers to do with what she pleases and there is no legal claim to it by anyone.
I’d take it. Currently with my parents at ages 72 and 64 they are living a very nice life on my dad’s union pension. A VERY nice life indeed. In fact, they have more money now than when dad was working. Yay for them. That makes me feel secure about their future and so happy that their lives are comfortable after working so hard for so many years. I fully realize this situation is rare, and one that probably won’t be my experience. Again, yay for them. Good planning! Mom’s one smart cookie.
Anyway, with me at 40, my mom decided that she wanted to start contributing to our household on a monthly basis. She xfers me $200/month. Not a whole lot, but she acknowledged that since I left my job to care for my two small kids that a little extra $$ might be helpful. That was the most generous thing I could imagine. It’s especially gratifying because it was “their” suggestion, we don’t really “require” it to get by and she feels good about it. I don’t think they look down on me for it. It’s just a way of sharing the wealth BEFORE they die. I think it’s a great idea. Why wait until death to share, when you won’t be able to see what’s happening. And, no, there are absolutely no instructions whatsoever as to what to do with this extra money, right now it pays for pre-school.
If you absolutely have no other way to pay for it, go ahead and take the loan, then start paying it back on a regular basis every month(every week if possible) until that debt is off the books.
I would take the money but with everything written down and notarized to protect the both of you ( mostly you) to give you both a piece of mind. This way, you are letting her know you are not taking her gift/loan lightly.