12 y/o stepdaughter can spend her allowance on anything she wishes, but we do use the opportunity to get her to think about she’s buying and whether she wants/needs it.
She has an interesting but unfortunate tendency to want to buy things simply because they are a “good deal”, so we’re focusing on getting her to save money for things she truly wants.
Never had to deal with her wanting to buy things that are too old for her, but I have a sinking feeling we may be entering the Year of Fashion 
OK, the thing she wants to buy are ‘short shorts.’ Something like this http://shop.pacsun.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=22677&XCID=S:4000000&CAWELAID=813005883
Remember, she’s only 9, but she sees other girls at school with these.
Use it as an opportunity to talk to her about why she wants to buy these and more generally, what peer pressure is all about. If you absolutely don’t want her to wear those then explain that because you care about her you don’t think it’s appropriate for a girl her age. On one hand they are very revealing, on the other hand they’re less revealing, perhaps, than her bathing suit.
added:
Just noticed you said she sees girls at school wearing these: really? Shorts that short aren’t allowed at my kids’ schools.
Ah. That falls under the heading of ‘if you’d usually ban them, then it doesn’t matter whose money is paying for them.’ Same as if her nan or someone bought them.
FWIW I think they’d be OK for a nine-year-old if she’s still a pre-pubertal colt-legged kid, but YMMV. My early-developing daughter at nine wearing shorts like that would have looked like a teenager who wanted to look sexy, which she wasn’t, but some of her friends would have been fine; she was already getting covetous looks from older teenage boys who’d then double-take at her child’s face and look worried. Thick leggings would made them OK enough to wear if she really wanted to.
On the other side of the coin…
My kids are misers - they get allowances, but they refuse to spend any of it, ever.
Mostly it’s because us parents are still taking care of their needs - so if they want anything they ask for us to buy it, even though they could pay for it!
I need to have talks with them about this. There is more than one way to have a bad relationship with money.
She’s a skinny, flat chested, long legged 4th grader.
So was I and I still got propositioned by a grade 6 boy in a rather gross way. I think the shorts would be a no go for me. I’m shocked she would be allowed to wear them at the school, actually. (but I’m an old fogey)
if you don’t think it’s appropriate, i think you should sit her down and explain why. personally i don’t think those shorts are that short (it becomes an issue when the pockets are longer than the shorts) but you might feel otherwise. i wouldn’t let my kid walk out of the house with JNCO jeans or spiked chokers but other parents might. like someone else said upthread - house rules trump allowance rules.
yeah. at school they’ve got 6in rules - above the knee, or the fingertip rule - when you hang your arms your fingers have to be longer than the cuff. but at the same time, that was never strictly enforced except for the time someone wore the aforementioned pockets-longer-than-shorts shorts.
My kids don’t get an allowance, but my in-laws give cash as gifts (it’s cultural). I used to have pretty tight rules about what they could spend it on but I got sick of them having hundreds of dollars in a shoebox and continually having to say, “No, you can’t buy that…no, you can’t buy that…”
Now if they want to spend it on Beyblades, Pokemon, crap like that, I let them. A few months ago they each spent $50 on video watches that I knew would be a disappointment, and boy was it. You live and learn.
Then it’s just up to you, based on what you think the effect would be in your particular area - and being eyed up by boys is an effect. If you do let her buy them, that doesn’t mean you have to let her wear them to school.
I don’t think it really makes any difference whether it’s her money or not. If you have a valid objection to her wearing those clothes then it applies no matter whose money paid for them.
I would have a talk with her about modesty and decorum, how important it is to act like a lady when dressed in something that could be considered provocative, and then let her buy the shorts and wear them as much as she wants. Styles change quickly in that age group, and she will outgrow them soon enough.
Y’know, that sounds good. Yeah, you can wear the shorts, but you need to have tights or leggings underneath.
Like usual, I disagree with most of the advice given.
You’re her father (mother?) If you don’t want the kid wearing the shorts, forbid her from buying the shorts. Tell her why.
You have the experience and wisdom that she doesn’t, and there are times in which you must exercise it regardless of her desires. If you don’t want your daughter dressing this way, then tell her that if she buys the shorts, they’ll be thrown out. Or donated to charity. Or whatever.
Just because the other 9 year-olds are dressing like sluts, doesn’t mean you should allow your kid to do so (and you seem to realize this). You can “talk” all you want, but if you allow it, well, actions always speak louder than words, so all the talking isn’t going to do shit.
And just because it’s her money… so what? A 9 year-old isn’t capable of making rational decisions all the time, and this is one of those times where she needs your guidance, support, and yes, your decision-making authority.
FWIW, I’ve seen far, far, far more children come to harm in their teens and twenties from having parents that are too lax, not too strict. Don’t fall for the “your kid is going to resent you” arguments that people ply you with - your teen is likely going to resent you anyway, regardless of what you do.
Ah. Allowance. At some point my parents read a book on teaching money management to kids, and our allowance system got changed up to:
You got your age (in years) in dollars weekly. At least in theory: we normally got paid every few months when Dad remembered to go to the bank and get cash. So an 8 year old got $8/week.
[ul]
[li]25% went into the bank and got filed under “long term savings”. Stays untouched.[/li][li]25% went into the piggy bank as “short term cash” and could be spent on anything legal and allowed in the house.[/li][li]25% was kept at home as “medium term savings”. Parental approval was needed for these purchases, but generally given. We normally used it for buying birthday presents and the like. [/li][li]15% went into the kids’ “tax fund”. We had to agree on how to use it as a group. Taught us how to bargain and plan for the long term, in theory. Sometimes we bought season passes to Six Flags or a game system. It really taught us how to do pork barrel spending. The brother and I could fund a trip to the arcade if the sister got a chance to go buy some jewelry at the mall.[/li][li]10% went to charity. Mine normally went to some of the programs at church to help feed the needy in far off areas of the world.[/li][/ul]
I’d let her buy them, but I wouldn’t allow her to wear them at school. Even if every other girl in school is wearing them. I’d let her wear them at home, and maybe as playwear for swimming (they’re more modest than many bikini bottoms). I’d also point out that these shorts will only be wearable for another couple of weeks or months, maybe, and she’ll probably outgrow them before next spring. And that’s why they’re on sale.
Those shorts can also be worn under skirts and dresses, by the way, if the skirts are pretty short. But they are definitely inappropriate for schoolwear, IMO, and I don’t care WHAT all the other girls are wearing.
Let her know these conditions ahead of time. If she realizes that she won’t be able to wear them in most cases, she might not want them. And if she still wants them…she’ll learn to shop better next time. This is a fairly cheap lesson.
Yeah, I don’t think I ever wanted anything my parents would truly have freaked out over, but for example things like buying ice cream when you’ve already had two wouldn’t have been allowed - “but I’m paying for it with my money!” “Yes, but it is not you who will take care of you if you get sick. No more than two ice lollies per person per day, period. The rule doesn’t say anything about who pays for it.”
Seeing that the issue is clothing, I’d have to get SiL’s opinion. My school required uniforms and she did use her allowance (and later the money she got as an aerobics teacher) to buy clothes - I’m more of the “am I covered? OK, good” variety. I suggest checking out whether the school has any rules regarding clothing: if that particular item (or a different one at another time) is against the rules, she is not allowed to wear it to school. “Cosi fan tutte” is a good opera but not a good excuse to break regulations.
:rolleyes:
:rolleyes: back 'atcha. What reason is there for a 9 year-old to wear a mini-skirt or daisy dukes?
Daisy dukes are very comfortable in extremely-hot weather, so long as your thighs aren’t close enough to rub together. The first time I went to the US (1987), we’d been told to bring “shorts”, but nobody had realized there was a liiiiiittle bit of a language barrier there: what most of us brought were daisy dukes (which are called “shorts” in Spain’s Spanish, and apparently in several other non-English-speaking European countries), what the Americans wanted us to bring were bermuda shorts (called “bermudas” in Spain’s Spanish). I understand they specified, starting the following year.
It’s more important to teach a kid the why and the how, rather than the what, IMO. Why making smart decisions about what you buy is important. How you allot your money to make it last, etc. I had zero problems telling my kids: No, you are NOT allowed to get your face pierced. If you want the cash flow to continue, don’t come home with things you know are going to piss me off. It’s your money, but with money comes responsibility.