I was just reading this article about pheromones in today’s Boston Globe and it got me thinking (always a dangerous prospect, I realize)…
Assuming for the sake of argument that there are such things as human pheromones, should their use be restricted or regulated? If they really worked as described, I think they would basically be mood altering drugs that are used on other people against their will (or, at the very least, without their knowledge). It’s not legal to slip, say, a dose of ecstacy into somebody’s drink, or give them an anti-depressant without their knowledge and consent. Why, then, should it be legal to expose somebody to a chemical that can potentially alter their mood just as much, if not more so?
It’s worth noting that the effects of low levels of pheremones is quite weak, although there have been isolated reports of researchers having strange experiences when exposed to larger concentrations.
The pheremones are physiologically harmless at low concentrations as far as we can determine, unlike Ecstacy or anti-depressants. Instead of altering the mechanisms underlying neural function, they’re merely a form of stimulus that we sense and respond to.
That said: things like background music and color schemes can have effects of people’s emotional states, cognition, and behavior. Should they be outlawed as well? It’s been demonstrated that the beliefs of exam proctors as to the intelligence of the test takers can affect their scores. Should opinions be outlawed?
Sweat Squad, LAPD rises at six o’clock to track down the cities worst sweat/pheromone offenders.
Armed to the teeth with 1920’s Style Death Rays, they hop in their undercover vehicles, Ford Pintos.
Cruisig the streets filled with liberated citizens, free of sweat after a ductectomy, they think about how proud their mothers must be, knowing that they rid the world of the filthy contanimant that is the human pheromone.
Spotting the offender, it is clear they are not dealing with a normal sweathog. In front of them stands an ethnically-ambiguous but slightly dark-skinned individual with a vague East European accent and obvious ties to the Nazi party.
After consulting with Jerry Bruckheimer, they decide to blow up several surrounding buildings and then peacefully arrest the guy, thereby sending him to reprogramming scenters, where he will learn that sweat free means living free, and a ductectomy will be provided free of charge as a public service.
The squad just goes quietly home. After all, it’s all in a days work.
I’ve always thought that this was the weak point in the phermone ads. Since it’s human phermones, I already have them. Why should I buy some more sweat?
