We’re having splendid weather right now, perfect for leaving the windows open all day and all night. Except there is a stupid bird in my backyard that sings all freaking night long and keeps me awake.
Every other bird for miles around is asleep. There isn’t a sound in the neighborhood except for this one insanely loud, cheerful bird. This bird is thrilled to be alive. It’s not a steady, repetitive chirping that you can tune out. It’s a joyous, constantly varying song, and I absolutely cannot fall asleep while he’s at it.
I feel trapped in my house by this bird. It’s crazy to turn on air conditioning in April when there is perfectly cool, free air outside. Even with the windows closed I can hear him, but it’s muted enough that I can sleep.
It’s a mockingbird. They are insanely territorial and will sing whenever they feel they need to, to warn other birds away. You could try earplugs, I guess, but I’d find it easier to just close the windows if it was that bad. I actually enjoy hearing the birds sing, though, even if they wake me up. I’m weird that way.
Americano, yes? Fetch your piece and shoot the little bastard. Just make sure you can get to the body.
Two years ago there was a family of some kind of bird that decided to hang out on the clothes rack built into the outside of our apartment building, right outside our dining room. My brother went nuts with one of my airsoft rifles, but one of the carcasses got lodged between two air-conditioning pipes about three or four floors below us. Took about a month before it started to really smell, and an extra week before we managed to get someone from the management to send a janitor with a long stick to get rid of it. Moral of the story: if you kill something, make sure it’s in a place where you can reach the body after the deed.
Funny to see this thread. This morning my wife and eldest daughter both complained about some “stupid bird” that started calling its head off at 4:30 a.m. They decided that the full moon was setting right around there, and the idiot must have thought the setting moon (or its reflection off the huge white wall of the new McMansion to our east) was the sunrise. My wife claims the bird finally shut up, and when the sun started to show a hour later, it sounded all hoarse!
Of course, I slept like a blissful babe through it all.
Your story made me remember the first time I went camping. I was about 10 and I was rudely awakened at about 5:30 am by a bird right beside my head, outside the tent, going
Beep
Beep
Beep
This continued for about an hour. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Finally I decided to try something. Slowly I reached out and touched the side of the vinyl tent, where the bird’s shadow was. The wall went
crinkle
And the bird went
BEEPBEEPBEEP!
And flew away.
I fell back asleep, only to be awoken a half hour later. He had returned. With about 6 friends. Beeping.
Sorry, I laughed at your predicament. I live with several birds and every morning is a whistling and singing and trilling fest, but at least they know enough to hush at night.
Yes, I’m American and Southern to boot, so there are an assortment of firearms in the house, none of which are suitable for shooting at a songbird in the middle of a neighborhood.
My husband, who sleeps like a rock and wouldn’t be bothered by a flock of birds perched on the footboard of the bed but who is tired of hearing me complain, has volunteered to procure a pellet gun and shoot all the mockingbirds he can see in the backyard. Sigh. I’m going to wuss out at actually killing it, though.
When I saw the title, I immediately sympathized - every spring, as soon as the sun is within 30 minutes of coming up, the birds used to drive me insane with their chirping. I’m a very light sleeper, and they always woke me up before my alarm, which is guaranteed to make me cranky.
My problem was solved when we got new windows, as they keep the sound down. But you want to be able to keep your windows open - good luck and my sympathies.
Y’know what? I remember the little buggers from when I lived stateside. I’m starting my own religion and granting a general dispensation for the smiting of mockingbirds…
I was working night shift. I did shoot a pileated woodpecker. It is buried out in the woods behind my house. i figured I could plead insanity from lack of sleep and any jury member that had ever worked third shift would be on my side. fucking thing kept me awake literally 3 days straight, less than an hour of sleep. I would try to sleep between 9am and 9 pm, and in august it is still very light until about 8 pm, when the stupid thing would finally stop pouinding on the wall of the house by the head of my bed.
I was out backpacking. One night, the night is fine and warm and I decide to sling my hammock and sleep in it instead of pitching the tent. All is fine and dandy until I am woken up the next morning, just as it’s getting light, by a very pissed-off squirrel. Nothing like getting hit in the head by nuts and twigs and such (all accompanied by angry chittering) to get a guy up in the morning.
Yep, I got me one too. Damn bird don’t you know it’s time to sleep? Running a fan nearby seems to provide enough white noise to drown out the bird as well as planes at 5am. Even in winter I sometimes run a fan at night and expecially when I worked the late shift. It even drowns out the neighbors screaming children enough to let me sleep or at least not wake up completely.
