There’s something to be said about office signs that got xeroxed 20 times, and the one on your wall is just a clutter of toner containing a bad drawing and a joke somewhere, like a frog sitting at a desk, thinking “I think I am a mushroom. They keep me in the dark and feed me shit.”
I used to have this one.
In fancy script, angled such that it can’t be seen from the door, in large letters:
NIL
ILLEGITIMUS
CARBORUNDUM
Formerly, in the research shop I was in charge of:
“You don’t have to be crazy to work here.
We can train you!”
OH! I almost forgot. I also have a sign that says “Complaint Department. Push button for service.” The button is glued to the “activator” of a mousetrap. (Whatever you call it. The bit you load with Peanut Butter.).
NO, the trap isn’t set, but it is rigged to LOOK like it is.
And I have lost count of the number of people to come by and say
“oh, does this work?” and PUSH ON THE BUTTON without waiting for an answer. I said the next time someone actually ASKED and pushed without waiting, I was going to hook it back up so it DID work.
Haven’t had anyone do that in a looooooong time now.
Well, there is the Wall of Kathy, Sports Illustrated day-of-the-week pages featuring Ms. Ireland.
But my pride and joy is an official US Navy magenta letters on a yellow field “No Bunking Radiation Areas Nearby” sign I got years ago.
Is there not a little room left for some Jack Daniels signs and Carribean travel posters?
I’ve been in the same office for a long time (though I’ll be moving soon), so there’s quite a bit of detritus.[ul][li]On the outside of my door - poster for the centennial anniversary of Reading Terminal Market[/li][li]On the inside of the door - Lovely Day For A Guinness poster with four toucans flying in formation over an RAF airfield[/li][li]Behind door (hidden when door open) - Giganotosaurus exhibition poster from the Phil. Academy of Natural Sciences, and a Japanese one-sheet for Spirted Away[/li][li]On wall over table - Framed print of astronaut with MMU, and framed print of B/W drawing of a dragon playing Adventure (monitor reads “You are in a dungeon. You see manacles…”)[/li][li]Wall next to windows - Poster of composite clear-day photo of the earth, corrected so it looks like a standard map projection[/li][li]On bookshelf next to computer - Magnet of St. Isidore of Seville, Patron of Computers[/li][/ul]
I had one of those, and one of my employees posted a bigger sign over it saying:
MORALE WILL STAY LOW UNTIL THE FLOGGINGS IMPROVE!
A friend of mine gave me a sign that says:
New Employee Incentive Program!
Work or Get Fired!
No Jack posters, lieu, but I do have a bottle of tequilla and two shot glasses on my desk.
Wow! My thread inspired a thread! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now!
My favorite workplace sign was on an admin’s cube when I started here. Kathy was a no-nonsense kind of person, probably mid-40s at the time. The sign on her cube said:
Ool, Lightning T…
Huh?
By the way, it’s lightingtool, not lightningtool. Don’t worry, happens all the time.
“Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
Favorite sign from the vet’s exam room:
The doctor will be with you shortly.
SIT - STAY
Lessee…
I have… 6 Dilbert strips, two Far Sides, a non Sequitur, a Calvin and Hobbes, an American Roulette, and a cartoon of a dog wearing a lab coat (he’s a lab retriever).
I have a poem that starts “I ask them to take a poem and hold it up to the light like a color slide…” and ends “but all they want to do is tie the poem to a chair with rope and torture a confession out of it. They begin beating it with a hose to find out what it really means.”
I have the “In heaven, the police are British…/…In hell, the police are German…” joke, the “There 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t” joke, and a cartoon of Saint Dogbert casting out the demons of stupidity.
I have a boring wall calendar, a Non Sequitur desk calendar, many pictures of my family, my CQA certificate, and a lot of lists of things I need to know and do.
I have a screensaver with several pictures of my son (now 9 months!), and I have this: “An optimist says ‘the glass is half full’; a pessimist says ‘the glass is half empty’; Papa Bear says ‘someone’s been drinking out of my glass!’”
I used to have “Cubicle, Sweet Cubicle,” but I guess I tossed it. I have a computer in my lab that has a demo set of Despair, Inc. “Demotivators” – these four:
Over the door of the first ICU I ever set foot in was a sign saying : “Go ahead and ask your stupid question. I’d rather deal with that, than your stupid mistake.” It was signed by the head nurse. Next to it like and after thought was a smaller sign that said, “Medical sudents disregard sign to the right. If you set foot in my ICU, you will be beheaded and eaten.” It was also signed by the head nurse. I never found out if she really would have eaten an student, I never saw one within a 100 feet of the door.
Since my cubicle is temporary until I get my security clearance, I haven’t personalized it. But I used to have a sign that said “Working Engineer. Stand in Awe!”
Naturally, people would stand in the doorway of my cube and go: " Awwwwwwww"
Our signs:
“Shoplifting makes you fat.”
“If you plan on shoplifting, please let us know.” (swiped from Clerks)
“This store obeys the law of conservation of matter.” (it’s kind of a long story)
We also have some poems and haiku scattered around, but the only one I remember is “I likes my vintage clothing / I wears it all the time / And when I wears my clothing / It helps me for to rhyme.”
I run the department, so I put this one up.
I recognized the catbus. And I picked up My Neighbor Totoro in the discount bin at Wal-Mart.
<hijack>The blurb on the back says “Very few films come along that are magical for all ages and are wholesome, sane (emphasis mine), intelligent and entertaining. My Neighbor Totoro is one of them. --Roger Ebert”
I’ll give you wholesome, intelligent and entertaining. Sane? Not quite. </hijack>
Now, the only sign in my office was in the bathroom.
YOU ARE AN ADULT
IF YOU PISS IN THE URINAL
FLUSH IT
It’s not there anymore. I’d like to put a sign in the stall that says: “IF YOU CANNOT FLUSH YOUR SHIT, TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU”. Or maybe this flyer.
Nah, I got a mailing with the miniatures of those in. Postcard sized.
If I sprang for a big poster, it would be the Power one.
Hey, My birthday is coming up, isn’t it? 
Nobody recognizes catbus.
You mean like the one in my office, that I mentioned in post #19? 
