Three truly mundane and pointless things

  1. I just yelled, “Motherf*ckin’ Crap on a Cracker!” (copy machine trouble, you see) right outside our office conference room, inside of which sits a person waiting for her job interview to work here. Oops.

  2. I love my boss. Out in the lot to the south of this building, there are several parking spaces dedicated to people coming into this office, either to work (like, say, ME) or to conduct business. In front of each space is a LARGE sign delineating the purpose of said parking spaces (actually, they say “[Auntie EM’s Workplace] Employee Parking ONLY”) and stating that people who park there outside of the aforementioned circumstances will be towed.

The first time that SkipMagic ever came to visit me at work, even HE didn’t park there, because (a) he’s literate, and (b) he wasn’t sure he should take any chances, because the signs sounded like they meant business. :wink:

Nonetheless, it NEVAHHH fails that people who are NOT employees of or visitors to this office will park there. Some days my boss simply places a Xeroxed note on the offender’s winshield, warning that this parking is reserved. If he’s in a pissy mood, or catches a repeat offender, he’ll call the cops and have a ticket issued (I think they run about 75 bucks or so for the offender).

Today, however, he was my hero. I came back from a lunch run to find not one, but TWO offending cars parked in our spaces. Now, normally I don’t tattle on these folks (I let my boss detect the offenders himself), but I have a favorite space, you see, and it just ticks me off when someone parks in MY SPACE (my coworkers and I seem to have reached some tacit agreement about whose space is whose).

So I told. Narc’d on both of those motherf*ckers.

And unfortunately for the motherf*ckers, the spots they’d “stolen” put both of their cars (turns out, in fact, that they were together) in between MY car and my coworker’s car . . .

. . . so my boss pulled his big old van up behind them, perpendicular to the parking spaces, so that now they were blocked on all sides by the employees of this office (well, three sides, anyway, the 4th side being blocked by a curb, a row of trees, and mounds of dog poo), and neither one of them could get out.

Let me say again: I love my boss.

(He eventually strolled out there to find two very unhappy men trying to get into his van so that they could put it in gear and push it out of the way. They seemed to take offense, he said, at his voiced concerns about their literacy level. At any rate, he figured they’d learned their lesson, and so moved his van and let them go.)

  1. Damn! I forgot to put on deodorant today.

Well, those are my three MPSIMS items for today. . . add your own!

  1. I hate my job.

  2. I am starving.

  3. Only an hour and a half until I can leave this hell hole place I now call my office.

  1. Why do men never listen?
  2. Nodding and blinking is NOT a conversation.
  3. Damn - I should have eaten breakfast.
    (Aries28 - you work in Montgomery, doncha? I can tell.)

I can’t stop cracking up atthis picture of my friend’s baby.

  1. My sister is a man-basher (Hey Devena!)
  2. 20 minutes 'til luch… I may make it…
  3. If my on the job stress level gets much higher my head will explode
  1.’s order system annoys me. I picked out 3 items, qualified for free shipping, and hit the button at the bottom to progress - only to realize too late that I was set up for fast checkout and it’d use my info from previous orders, but one piece of info it would not use was the shipping method. It set me up for standard USPS delivery (which I hadn’t used the last time), and the explanation on the “Why isn’t my order qualified for SuperSaver Shipping” box in the upper-right corner was actually that it’s qualified but I hadn’t clicked that option. And of course, even though I realized the problem right away, the order went through. Stupid me.

  2. Next on my unawareness hit parade, I forgot to ask my gynecologist when the hell I’m supposed to start taking these oral contraceptives. I think it’s right after I finish my next period, but she didn’t say. You’d think I’d remember this since I’ve been on them before, but it’s been many years since I’ve actually been off the pill and then started it anew, so I don’t know.

  3. I skipped lunch because I was stupid and didn’t head to my appointment early; it was the first time with that doctor so I should know that I have to be there early to fill out paperwork.

Nope…not in Montgomery. Just outside of Birmingham.

And I lied…I have to leave early today so it’s only 20 more minutes until I can escape.

Good lord, auntie em, I thought I was the only dolt who routinely left her house sans antiperspirant. To combat this, I have a container of Secret (unscented, of course) in a pretty little box on my end table. It’s right by the front door.

I also keep a travel size container of Dove antiperspirant in my office.

  1. I keep hairspray in my desk, but not deodorant. What does that say about my priorities?

  2. I too am starving, but dinner is being provided for me in just one hour and 15 minutes. The bad news is, it’ll probably consist of some formerly alive animal, possibly with gravy.

  3. The thought of Jerry Springer, Larry Flynt and Ahhnold holding political office, all on the same day, makes me want to move to Belgium.

If it makes you feel any better, hearing something like that would make me want to work for your company. :smiley:

  1. Woke up with a migraine for the 4th day in a row. Considered a thread pitting my head.

  2. Ran a flea comb over my dog, found the obligitory single juicy flea. Thought about pitting it.

  3. Opened this thread and my angst magically evaporated (headache, flea and all) because someone else uses the phrase “Crap on a Cracker,” even more colorfully than I do. Thank you auntie em you saved the Pit from 2 very tedious threads.

  1. Whoever owned our house 30 years ago had truly godawful taste in flooring. Pulling up the carpet to lay a new wood floor, in one room we discovered dark red fake brick linoleum, and in the living room (!!) we just discovered 8" pukey brown tile. The kind you find in institutions because it doesn’t show the dirt.

  2. One of our dogs has learned to take turns; if he’s had his treat and the one for the other dog gets dropped, he leaves alone without being told.

  3. Our heat index today is only supposed to be 105º, as opposed to the 110º it’s been every other day this week. O frabjous day.

#5: Sometimes I say “Shit on a Stick”, too. Depends on my mood. :wink:

  1. I just worked 67 hours last week. ( Our week ends on Tuesday)

  2. The cat that adopted our family had kittens about 2 weeks ago, we found them yesterday. They are so tiny and cute. I can’t wait for momma cat to bring them out so our kids can see them.

  3. I vacuumed out my truck yesterday.

  1. I made hassenpfeffer tonight, with pan gravy! Yummy!

  2. I am drinking Dooley’s on ice.

  3. I am wondering when hubby will ask me what I want to do tonight. My answer, “I dunno, what do you want to do?” This happens every night. I can set my watch by it.

(1) Walking through San Francisco today I passed a group of homeless folks in the park with blankets spread out, selling the little bits of junk they’d collected. Stuff like paperback novels, broken toys, single gloves, etc. Among the more interesting items for sale: A CPR practice torso dressed in a Grand Funk Railroad T-shirt, a cookie jar filled to brim with babydoll heads and a threadbare set of bagpipes.

(2) Every time I get the sushi sampler there’s one weird looking piece included that is really, really good, but I don’t know what it is, I never remember to ask, and probably I’m better off not knowing.

(3) In the shower this morning I realized that I’d never liked anybody I’d ever met who drove a Trans-Am or owned a Jack Russel terrier. I’m not making generalizations or anything, it’s just an odd fact.

  1. Why is my friends girlfriend still being so friendly when she KNOWS we kissed last month?!

2)I’m hungry!

3)I had a conversation that went along the lines of -

boyfriend - “I wasn’t sure who I wanted to kill most last night. You or Bob. You were both so drunk you were repeating yourselfs for about half an hour. You were offering him advice about Ann.”

me - “Who’s Ann?”

boyfriend - “Your serious arn’t you?!”

Well I found it funny…

  1. I just got a fan-freakin’-tastic haircut. Seriously, even the stylist was giddy with the fabulousity of it.

  2. I think I want a tattoo on the back of my neck.

  3. My husband is working a Howard Dean campaign thing tonight. I’m very proud of him, and very annoyed that I can’t do anything electiony because I’m a government worker.

  1. I’ve been online for 7 hours.

  2. I’m hungry.

  3. Hi Opal!!

  1. I’m getting paid all of a sudden, and I don’t even have a job. (Petsitting, babysitting, and watering)

  2. I am going to buy a messenger bag from Timbuck2 with some of my money.

  3. Buying school supplies is fun, even if using them is not.