I would love for her to consult legal aid and even got the number for her behind a list of her military wife friends who also gave her the same advice and numbers. She’s just such a passive person and still in that “I had to have done something wrong!” mode right now. She’s home safe at least, for now. She’s supposed to just be visiting and was going to go back with him and be his slave I mean housekeeper until he’s deployed again next year, but I have a feeling he won’t come back for her, and I’m perfectly happy with that. She has lots of love and family here to support her. She has at least documented a lot of what he’s said, including him texting that he wanted the divorce so he can’t say she left him. I felt like he was trying to make it like that so he could say “but she left me!” She can see still what he does searches on, and he’s looked in to all kinds of legal information about retaining the BAH money. He made out like he was being generous offering to give her a little money. I told her she’s entitled some support as long as they’re married. She just doesn’t want to make him mad. She still has hope he’ll change his mind, and that’s the worst part. I think this is a personality thing. He’s young, but that doesn’t justify this behavior. The videos and images he has are of them, and her alone, nothing illegal, she just doesn’t want their private moments exposed to the world.
What if you went with her to meet with someone? If you have a lot in writing you could even just hand that over while she sat there fretting. I’ve done that with a couple of my students.
After she has her options explained to her, or once the wheels of justice are moving, she might be passive enough to let things proceed. That worked for one student. Starting the process was beyond her abilities, but so was stopping things once they started. And once she got out from under The Miscreant’s influence, standing up for herself became infinitely easier.
She needs to go see base legal ASAP. Their assistance comes at no cost. Also, BAH is not his money to dispense as he sees fit; the regulations require him to support her financially while they are still married, the minimum ammount spelled out clearly in the regulations. Another nifty thing is all the military branches have regulations against “revenge porn” and the like.
Infidelity is probably my biggest pet peeve. I was married for 5 years, and it turns out that she was getting laid behind my back pretty much the entire time. You ever looked at those “casual encounters” ads on Craigslist, and wondered who would debase themselves enough to post an ad like that?
She would. And apparently had them coming to the house while I was working.
At one point, she found an old boyfriend on Facebook, and they started talking. She decided to call me one day while I was at work, and announced that she was getting on an airplane to go be with him in Fort Polk (Louisiana). She cleaned out her father’s bank account to finance the trip.
When her brother learned about this, he called me with about half a dozen ideas for revenge. These included calling the airport and reporting that she had a gun in her luggage, and reporting him to his CO on the base.
I ultimately ended up doing nothing. They deserve each other.
So, rushgeekgirl, I can at least partially sympathize with your daughter. I’m willing to donate an ass-kicking to the pot if it helps her out.
I check this thread many times a day, so I’ve been staring at this sentence a lot. Talk about an understatement.
(Like “Y’know, utter betrayal, heartbreak and despair are really annoying. And how 'bout those mass murderers… pretty inconsiderate, am I right?”)
That’s fair. My fingers moved faster than my brain.
Why in the almighty fuck did I think it would be a good idea to buy something from Barnes & Noble when I have an Amazon Prime subscription? Oh yeah, because I had a gift card. >.< The order was placed December 10th, and made it to my local post office December 17th, where the shit-for-brains employees* promptly routed it to a town on the other side of the county. That location realized the error, and routed it to the main hub in Raleigh. It has been “in transit” from Raleigh since December 22nd.
- Seriously, they’re so spectacularly bad at their jobs that I’ve resorted to having all bills and statements delivered via email. I’ve lost count of the number of bills and other items that have either been misdelivered to neighbors, or not delivered at all. I only lost one financial statement to their incompetence though. And don’t get me started on their inability to understand a stop mail request – if you’re lucky, they might hold the mail for three or so of the requested days.
I guess I should probably call my parents. I’ve been looping about this all day, procrastinating like a motherfucker. I absolutely dread talking with my mother, and my dad’s just gonna give me a hard time about how deeply my mother is hurt by my avoidance.
I don’t feel like going into any detail so I probably come across as callous and cruel. But I would happily go the rest of my life never hearing my mother’s voice again - though my dad & I get along o.k. when it’s the two of us, but they are very much a package deal.
Plus I went into a helluva downward slide yesterday, missing The Other Shoe so badly it hurts as in real physical pain. Crying so much my eyes are swollen & painful, so it’s just as well that I skipped making any Christmas plans.
I’m sorry. Purple. Try and have good memories, at least. If you’re not up to your Mom, don’t call. It will keep for a bit. {{{Hugs}}}
I’m so sorry. I have an idea of how you feel. I haven’t posted about it here, but I lost Mr. Helena on November 9th. Sometimes it’s all I can do to breathe. Some people think I should be “more over it” by now. I don’t think it’s even begun. They can go to hell along with Christmas.
Hugs.
I’m so very sorry. Do you mean November of this year? And people think you should be more over it??:mad:
Those people are wrong. In every way. You grieve at your own speed. You’ll feel better when you feel better. Just take the stages as they come. {{{Hugs to you too}}}
fed ex aint any better …… believe me
sits quietly next to Helena for a while
Thanks, y’all. I finally sacked up & called my dad - which mom is sure to take as a slight, but oh well - and had the fortune to dial when they were at someone’s for a visit, so he didn’t want to chat for long & kept his side civil due to possible eavesdroppers, I guess. But I performed my daughtererly duty. Check.
But christ, it’s hard to get out of my own head.
Fuck those locking shopping carts!! Yeah, I see the reason for it, but at least could you offer me something else when I’m buying something heavy and parked miles away? It’s busy at your mall, you know? I had to flag down a young man, luckily a cheerful and sweet one, to help me get heavy something to my car.
From the “quick start” guide to my new portable electronic device:
“Do not repair or disassemble the product by yourself and put it in water.”
Goddamnit, how am I supposed to familiarize myself with your product if I can’t take it apart and submerge the bits in water? 
:smack::mad:
We just signed a contract today with Bath Fitter to have a walk in shower put in to replace the bathtub. The sales person had us sign a disclosure statement that the surfaces are slippery when wet. It’s the McDonald’s hot coffee affect!
Just curious - do they offer a floor with texture?
Google says probably:
The lil’wrekker got some sugar scrub( I don’t know what it is either) from a friend. The label says ‘not for human consumption’. I hope she doesn’t get a hungry spell and that’s all she has in her dorm room. Eeeekk.
Please tell us you have more faith in your kid than that. Or should I say “your young adult”…
Or else you’ll have stalk her so that you can be ready to slap those Bacon Flavored Dog Laxatives out of her hand.