I can’t dance. I flunked a dancing class, and that made it even worse. Now, I feel ashamed about it.
I’m a lousy measurer. Measure twice, cut once. Dammit, measure again, cut again.
I can’t remember sports facts. I can watch a game and enjoy it tremendously, but if you ask me 30 minutes later who made what play, or what the score was, I can only shrug.
Can’t use chopsticks due to lack of interest more than anything else. I mean, I love asian food, but a fork works perfectly fine for me.
Can’t wrap presents. This is more of a defense mechanism since my wife would make me do it if I had any talent at it.
Can’t blow a bubble with bubble gum. Although I havn’t tried in years.
Can’t shuffle cards.
Used to be able to juggle, but not after losing the sight in one eye. Depth perception is a must.
Sign me up for the ‘can’t use chop sticks’ club. I’ve had expert and patient tuition both here in the UK and also in places like Singapore and Japan, but all to no avail. What makes it slightly stranger is that I’m a professional magician and can do some pretty nifty sleight of hand, and I also play the guitar reasonably well. So it’s not as if I have un-clever hands. But chop sticks… never.
I’d just like to say threads like this are really good for the soul. It’s nice to know that others share the same ‘limitations’.
It’s the opposite of what the OP asked for, but just while a few folks are mentioning parking the car, permit me a second to brag that I can do reverse parallel parking with a flair that actually impresses passengers in the car. It’s been commented on many times. Okay, sorry, end of brag.
Still can’t use chop sticks.
Oh… almost forgot… tying a bow tie. I can just about do it, with an hour or two to practise before the event. But it’s certainly not something I find easy to do.
I can’t drive. Well, I can, but you don’t wanna be in the car when I’m behind the wheel.
I can barely whistle, but this is because the sides of my tongue don’t curl. Genetic trait, like hitchhiker’s thumb (which I also have) and widow’s peak (ditto).
One more case of “can’t blow bubbles while juggling chopsticks that roll their tongues” over here. Can’t riffle shuffle, either; all I can manage is the kiddy overhand-underhand way. Can’t seem to keep my room ticking over at “fairly tidy” either; I let it slide until a mad day of cleaning, at which point sliding ensues again.
However, I can wrap presents while whistling and driving a manual transmission. Go me!
Lack of flirting seems to put a big dent in that enthusiasm, though.
Anu
The only thing I can’t do is think of something I can’t do.
Ok, there are things I’ve never tried to do (like do a cartwheel), and things I don’t have the training to do (like performing brain surgery), and things I don’t do well (like getting caught up with my housework). But I can’t think of anything I’ve ever tried to do that I simply could not do.
I’ll let you know if I think of something.
I can’t swim, either. My dad tried to teach me. I’ve gone to a few swimming classes, by which I mean that I attended each session of a class each summer, but somehow I cannot swim. I don’t mind being in the water with a lifejacket on, in fact I enjoy it. But I can’t swim. I can’t use chopsticks, either, but that doesn’t bother me, I just use a fork and/or spoon.
I can wrap presents like nobody’s business, even the odd shaped ones. I don’t particularly enjoy it, though, and I’m trying to promote the use of drawstring cloth bags, made up of colorful fabric, which can be reused from one year to the next. So far, no real success.
I can snap my right hand fingers, but not my left. If I hold up both hands as they do in The Addams Family I can pretend to snap both, but only the righthand thumb and fingers will be snapping.
Never too much of a bikerider, but I could never understand that thing people do when they’re coming to the end of the ride and start to dismount by swinging one leg over and then standing with both feet on one pedal while the bike rolls on for a bit. I’d think you’d tip over doing that. On the other hand I can ride a unicycle, so go figure.
Making left turns onto busy streets without a signal. And I have little patience for those ahead of me who insist on doing that out of a parking lot, holding everyone else up.
That’s all for now, I’m sure I’ll think of more.
I’m another non-whistler. I also can’t french-braid hair, which makes me sad. I have really long hair, just past my belly-button, and I’d love to be able to french-braid it.
I can, however, shuffle cards and use chopsticks. My dad was a big fan of feeding his kids foreign food and teaching us to gamble before we could even read.
Out of curiosity, what sort of card deck has less than 40 cards? A standard deck has 52.
-Mosquito
I can’t snap. I can’t tie a tie. I can’t be patient. I can’t be non-sarcastic. I can’t put things back where I found them.
I can swim till the cows come home, but I can’t dive. Never have done it properly, even once.
I can’t keep time with my hands and feet independently of each other, an essential skill if I was ever, say, to attempt to play the drums.
Pretty much everything else mentioned here, I can do. I just don’t want to 
.
I can’t parallel park a min-van. I can parallel park a sedan–go figure.
I also can’t use chopsticks and can’t figure out why anyone wants to.
I can’t do those hidden picture thingies, either–I put that down to excessive farsightedness and esotropia as a child.
I can’t program my VCR or figure out all the setting on my phone/camera doohickey.
Can’t blow a bubblegum bubble either.
Can’t waterski. I tried maybe five times. No luck. No regrets, though – it seems like a pretty dumb way to spend your time.
(I suppose waterskiiers would say that hanging out at MPSIMS isn’t xactly advancng the human race, either.)
I can’t parallel park. I have, um, problems with directions and am scared to death to even try, I am positive I would smash into something. I have a very hard time visualizing even simple mechanics, like, turn the steering wheel one way, in reverse, and the wheels go that direction and the car goes in this direction. It’s not just with driving, there’s some vital part of my brain missing or something that causes problems for me whenever I have to visualize spacial models (ie, I have NO sense of direction, I can’t read a graph to save my life, etc., etc.), but one of the results is: no parallel parking for me. When I took my license test, all I had to do was park along a curb between a fire hydrant and a tree about thirty feet apart. See, that I can do.
And now you know the real reason I’ll never own a car in Chicago. Also, I can’t drive in the snow. Never done it, never want to try.
OTOH, I can use chopsticks like nobody’s business.
I cannot bake a sheet of cookies.
I bake my own bread (sourdough and all sorts of other artisan breads), bake pies, caramel rolls, pizzas totally from scratch, my own toffees, and any sort of ethnic or american cooking you can imagine, but I have never had a recipe of chocolate cookies come out right.
I’ve done it all: used baking powder instead of baking soda, used salt instead of baking soda, used too little sugar and the cookies came out like little cakes, and left them in so long that they become little fossilized cow-pies. I try a few times a year now, just to be sure the curse is still functioning.
I must have pissed off an elf at the Keebler tree or something.
I also cannot ever keep my room neat. My living room, bathroom, and kitchen look decent most of the time, but my room looks like a magpie with a shoe fettish lives there a mere 24 hours after I tidy it.
I can lift the right side of my tounge (making a vertical line) but not the left.
Usually cookies need both bkg soda and salt. Sounds to me like you’ve overcooked them. Use 375 oven.
Sorry, didn’t mean to give advice–I just love to make cookies. Now, piecrust…forget it!
Totally lacking in carpentering skills. I couldn’t build a wooden box if given unlimited boards and every woodworking tool known to man.
Hmm…me too (although my present-wrapping skills seem to have atrophied somewhat based upon efforts last Christmas). Maybe there’s a causal link there.
Another odd thing; I was told by a music teacher, for what it’s worth, that I have perfect pitch. Nevertheless, I can’t play a single instrument. I can, and will, tell you when yours is out of tune of off-key, however slightly.
Sometimes I think I lack the simple skill of Unix system management, but then I realize that it’s not a simple skill and having to cope with Solaris, Irix, BSD, and Linux systems that are heavily kludged is not a deficiency on my part; just a “challenge”.
Campion, you can be non-sarcastic–I’ve witnessed it–but there’s definitely a time/b.s. limit after which the filter breaks down.
SusanStoHelit, it seems like every cook has some particular item that never comes out right. My bugaboo seems to be cheesecakes, which are admittedly a troublesome item, but despite coaching from the enthusiast “pastry cook” ex-g.f., they always either came out overdone, or didn’t properly set up. I did one recently on one sleepless night, a citrus cheesecake that failed to solidify even after cooking it 20 minutes past (and yes, I had a thermometer in the stove to check temperature). I’m guessing it had enough liquid in it that it wouldn’t set up, despite the recipe, but…grrr.
If you want pizza, roasted game hen, carmelized onion and roast red pepper soup, grilled salmon over tomato-mushroom bed with boiled new parsleyed potatoes , or a spinach torte, though, I’m your guy. Just…no damn cheesecakes.
Stranger
I can’t braid. 
I have the perfect kind of hair to braid with, too, but I’ve never been able to braid anything.
I can’t “fake smile” for the camera when having my photo taken.
If I try, I only scare people.