When a female character throws up she either thinks she’s sick but is pregnant or thinks she’s pregnant but is sick.
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When a female character throws up she either thinks she’s sick but is pregnant or thinks she’s pregnant but is sick.
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Poor or young working characters will still manage to have unusually large apartments in a major city.
Outside the windows of their homes will be a view of a recognize landmark.
Friends & family will lie about the most mundane things and keep with even when most of the characters know about it.
There will be a Very Special Episode to deal with a Very Real Serious Issues and ever thing will be hunky dory by the end.
Someone will overhear part of a conversation and completely misunderstand leading to much hilarity.
Dad is always a doofus.
Little kids are always adorable, even when they’re being obnoxious little assholes.
No wiser, no worse - Regardless of what happens to the protagonists (lottery win,serious illness, promotion at work,etc) by the end of the episode they have returned to their earlier state no wiser and no worse than they were before.
Marital infidelity is never followed through with by protagonists - No matter how dysfunctional the marriage ( Everybody Loves Raymond, Married With Children, Modern Families,etc) the protagonists never engage in marital infidelity. Things always stop just before that point.
Wise ass children - Children must be allowed to say whatever sarcastic or cutting remarks come to their minds. Bonus points if they can do so quickly off the cuff without thinking. Extra bonus points if they call the parent by their first name when they do so.
“Dysfunctional” only means somewhat dysfunctional - Despite protagonists being shown as being dysfunctional, even that dysfunctionality has limits. Drunks can’t be mean. Sex addicts can’t be too promiscuous. Being unable to maintain steady employment doesn’t make one a loser. Poor financial management never leads to bankruptcy or homelessness.
A new driver will park the car inside of a house at least once.
Children left alone will never have a quiet, uneventful time.
Sitcoms are built on exaggeration but even in that concept at least one character will drift slowly to an extreme (father on Family Ties was a bumbling idot by the end).
If you suffer an odd number of heavy blows to the head you’ll have amnesia.
If you have an engagement ring in your possession some woman will think you are proposing to her.
If you stick any part of your body into an object it will get stuck there.
If you don’t want somebody to hear you, lean a little closer into the person you’re speaking to.
Everybody has a flexitime contract at their job, allowing shenanigans at any time of the day.
Never leave valuable objects, information or people alone with anybody. Especially if they want to prove their responsibility to you.
Watched “Parks and Recreation” last night, did you? My wife called it when they showed her throwing up in the preview. (At least she didn’t throw up on Jeff Tweedy!)
Homes are immaculate unless clutter is a plot point.
If somebody is off screen, they can’t hear any part of any conversation except where intersecting with the above rule.
In a disagreement with a peer, the teenage lead will always be wrong.
In a disagreement with an adult, the teenage lead will always be right.
There is a maximum time of 9 seconds without the laugh track kicking in.
If a character is placed on a diet their meals will consist of lettuce leaves, celery sticks, and water. There will be no discussion of actual healthy eating habits.
I have a vague recollection of a show skewering this - how some characters moved five feet away to talk so “no one could hear them,” and the other people kept telling them they could still hear them.
Every grocery shopping trip must include a baguette and a bunch of celery, which must stick out the top of your bag.
Hookers will have a heart of gold.
If you take in an orphan/homeless child your show will soon be over.
Any sibling that doesn’t live in the household will soon be forgotten.
There will be toast for breakfast, but no one will ever finish it, because they are late for school.
Should a heretofore-unknown friend from a main character’s past suddenly appear, that character then must reflect on the ways his/her life wasn’t what he/she had hoped for.
A character who sneezes always has a cold or the flu. (Or in the case of the Brady Bunch, tonsillitis.)
You can work a minimum wage job and afford a 2-3 bedroom apartment or even house in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
If you get into any sort of accident or get injured, there are only two possible results:
Everybody under 30 is beautiful and handsome. Everyone over 40 is ugly or unkempt.
Sex always occurs fully clothed or with magic sheets that cover every pube and nipple.
Dad never hits Mom or the kids.
Every drunk is a happy drunk.
Kicking somebody in the balls never results in a brawl or an arrest.
Being morbidly obese is hilarious.
No sitcom is ever as funny as the ones you watched when you were 12 years old.
And all the latest brand-new clothes and to furnish that huge, gorgeous apartment in beautiful furnishings.
If not fully clothed, then they at least keep their bra on (for the women) and their shorts on (for the men).