Sitcom situations (by which I mean situations where a character tells a major lie and then has to do their best to live up that that lie despite the fact that the truth will have to come out eventually, so both tv and film situations) don’t really happen in real life, right?
People don’t pretend to be members of the opposite sex to:
[ul]
[li]get an apartment[/li][li]compete in sports[/li][li]escape from the mob[/li][li]be part of your husband’s band[/li][li]get parts in films/tv/nightclub acts/Victorian England Shakespearan plays[/li][/ul]
(The obvious exception being people like Brandon Teena Brandon as portrayed in Boys Don’t Cry, which was more the idea of not feeling right with one’s own gender, rather than pretending to be another gender in order to further one’s own goals.)
People don’t pretend to be gay in order to:
[ul]
[li]live with members of the opposite sex[/li][li]hit on straight women[/li][li]avoid someone hitting on them (okay, maybe)[/li][li]enter into a gay wedding and get a green card (getting married to two separate women at the same time is purely optional)[/li][/ul]
People don’t pretend to be:
[ul]
[li]the fiance/e of someone in a coma[/li][li]their own twin[/li][li]a different race to get around quotas or whatever[/li][li]wander around trying to convince people that their boss isn’t dead[/li][li]married soley for the purpose of getting a green card (the accidental falling in love is purely optional)[/li][li]an amnesiac’s spouse[/li][/ul]
They don’t, do they?
I did have a friend who pretended to be gay around certain women (in other towns, not at home) in order to get them to be more comfortable with him and, eventually, to try to “turn him straight.” It worked every time too. But it wasn’t funny enough to be a sitcom skit.
We-elll, my brother claimed to be his own twin. Y’see, his given name is Mark, but we call him Joe, and he went out with a girl and went to the bathroom as “Mark” but when he came back, he was his “twin brother Joe.” Apparently, the girl bought it. Of course, Joe always liked really really dumb girls.
Okay, now that’s brash. Did he change clothes, glasses, pony tail, put on an Antonio Banderas mask, etc? Or did he just come back out and say “Oh, hey, I’m Joe… where’d my twin brother that’s exactly-like-me-in-every-way-we-even-dress-the-same-every-day-and-call-each-other-up-to-make-sure go?”
I don’t know how good he was…the only gay people I know I met through him, so all I can say is that he acted like they acted. Whether they are representative of gay people as a whole I can’t say. He was usually the one to break it off IIRC. (Some of the women were married or engaged so these particular ones never intended for it to last anyway.)
I know this guy whose parents are white as snow – mother from Scandinavia, father whitebread USA – but he was born in a Spanish-speaking US territory. He consistently identifies himself as hispanic on every form he ever fills out, in order to qualify for loans, grants, whatever else he can get. He can’t even speak Spanish.
As for getting married for a greencard, I knew a guy who was planning to do that for a woman, they worked out a mutually beneficial agreement. Didn’t know him well, though, don’t know where he is, can’t recall his last name, can’t swear that they actually went through with it.
Last autumn, I had this streak being hit on by middle-aged, mildy intoxicated men on the bus. They were all old enough to be my father and all operated on about the same theme – I sure was a beautiful young lady and what was I doing riding on the bus alone at night? Did I need help getting home? 'Cuz they could help, if I needed it.
Gods! No, I did not.
It really started to creep me out when it started happening twice a week. So, being the proud owner of a plain silver ring, I started wearing it on my left ring finger. All I had to do was flash it about a bit, and suddenly, I was MARRIED.
I even went so far as to craft an identity for my husband. His name was either Steve or Eric and we’d been married for just over a year, as soon as I turned eighteen. We were both going to college to be teachers, because we loved children. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any yet, but we did have a small dog named Pip.
I never did get to chat to anyone about my pretend husband, but, yes, I’ve pretended to be married to get away from creepy guys on the bus. It was fun while it lasted.
Well, I have an honest-to-God wacky neighbor. He’s an elderly, genial Turkish gentlemen who stops by my house periodically to tell me bad jokes. How’s that for living a sitcom?
Well, if Ukelele Ike had told me earlier he had an upstairs apartment for rent, I would have had the chance to be the Uke family’s wacky upstairs neighbor!
One of my sisters pulled the “evil twin” gag to avoid the consequences of her actions. At work. When she was in her late thirties. Eesh.
I know someone who married a total stranger to facilitate immigration.
One of my roommates helped himself to big slice of “special” cake left out on the kitchen table – as he was on the way out the door to give an important presentation to some investors. He really ought to have known what sort of cake it was from the context (not to mention the colour and taste) but his mind was on work and how he had no time for breakfast. “Oh look! Cake!” Whoops.
I have a FOAD ring (F**k-Off-And-Die). It’s a standard silver wedding band (only it costs about $10). I use to have to travel alone a lot and I figured it would be safer if I looked married because it implied I was with a man who may show up imminently.
Helps cut down on unwanted attention tremendously.
