Holden: You’re sitting in a chair when all of a sudden you look down…
Leon: Where?
Holden: What?
Leon: Where am I sitting?
Holden: It doesn’t make any difference where, it’s completely hypothetical.
Leon: But, how come I’d be there?
Holden: Maybe you’re fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look down and see a spider, Leon. It’s crawling on your knee…
Leon: Spider? What’s that?
Holden: [irritated by Leon’s interruptions] You know what a bug is?
Leon: Of course!
Holden: Same thing.
Leon: I’ve never seen a spider… But I understand what you mean.
Holden: You reach down and you flick the spider off your knee, Leon.
Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?
Holden: The spider lays on its back, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping.
Leon: [angry at the suggestion] What do you mean, I’m not helping?
Holden: I mean: you’re not helping! Why is that, Leon?
[Leon has become visibly shaken]
Holden: They’re just questions, Leon. In answer to your query, they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response… Shall we continue?
Leon: Sure, go ahead.
Holden: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about… your mother.
Leon: My mother?
Holden: Yeah.
Leon: Let me tell you about my mother.
I’d move as carefully as I could, so as not to disturb the spider, get to the cupboard and get out my macro lens (bought specifically to photograph spiders) and take photos. I have thousands of spider photos. I used to be an arachnophobe and it was ruining my life, so I started studying them. Overdid the cure. Now I’m obsessed by the adorable critters.
In the past I would not have reacted, but my dog has recently bring home ticks, which a spider can easily be mistaken for. So I might react strongly. (I hate those little bastards.)
I came into this thread expecting to read about how I’d react to a tarantula or something. The size of a thumbtack? I’d just brush it off of me. I probably wouldn’t even bother killing it.
If it was a large spider I would scream like a girl and run out of the room. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it myself: I’d have to get a friend or family member to dispose of it or its body for me.
I’d smack it and kill it. If it was larger than a quarter, I would probably scream first.
House centipedes and camel crickets are the absolute worst. They have millions of legs and behave unpredictably. Camel crickets jump at you rather than away from you, and house centipedes move so FAST. I woke up with one on me the other night and it was a bad, bad scene.
I’d try to scrape it off with a piece of cardboard. Outside if I could. I’d probably freak out a little but then I’d feel stupid unless it was a poisonous one.
I have more trouble not freaking out over ants because recently I was bit by one and those little fuckers HURT!
I should add that I don’t mind spiders when they aren’t physically on me, regardless of size. Last place I lived, there used to be orb spiders outside my front door all the time, and I’d always take the opportunity to check them out. I just don’t like it when they show up on my skin unexpectedly.
My hubby would let out a blood-curdling scream, convulse his entire body to throw it off, run from the room, then possibly have a panic attack/heart attack/suicide attempt. I can’t recall if he’s ever noticed a spider touching him, his reaction is almost this extreme when they get close to him!
For anything smaller than Shelob, brush it off and forget about it, no venomous spiders where I live.
A frog, however, and I’d leave the country. This is, fortunately, unlikely.
If I woke up and found one on me in bed, I would probably have a completely different reaction, which I realize is irrational and kind of stupid. I’m weird about things that could be happening while I’m asleep.
Oh yeah. We call those cane spiders here. We had one in the house the other day and it was freaking huge. Easily 4 inches from ‘foot’ to ‘foot.’ But they eat roaches.
Anyone who has ever lived here knows how much you have to fight those bastards no matter how clean your house is, so even if they’re big, ugly and scary, those spiders are your friends.
I’d watch it. No fear of insects here. Spiders where I live aren’t poisonous.
I never kill spiders especially in may appartment. The spiders take care of the other bugs and my cat will eventually take care of the spiders.
I’d probably jump (or at least inwardly startle pretty badly), probably shriek, and brush it off asap, preferably with a paper or something so I don’t have to actually touch it. Then I’d track its progress on the ground while trying to come up with something to trap/squish it with unless it got away, in which case I’d let it go, try not to think about it coming back, and try to calm down.
Definitely wouldn’t flick it, though. What if I ended up taking a leg off or squishing it to my knee or finger or something else involving spider guts or parts adhered to me? That’d be even worse.
Edit: just thought of something - if at all possible, I’d try to use my clothing to flick it off. Guaranteed no touching!
So what’d your friend do?
When I was about 10, a hairy brown spider walked up my arm and stopped at my elbow. I thought, no big deal, I am not food, he will go off and find a bug to eat. But no, he gave me an extremely painful bite. I screamed and brushed him on the floor. Then I put cold water on the red lump it left me for a trophy. Then I remembered the spider. It was still in the living room. I looked very hard to find it. I was not successful. But when it comes to bushy brown3/8 inch long spiders, they all pay for his sins. The rest i am OK with. I don’t squish bugs.
Well, most likely I would talk to it - I don’t expect real conversation, but I have a tendency to talk to some insects the way people talk to their pets (“Oh, hey buddy, what’s up? Just climbin around? Who’s a good little spider?”)
I would then briefly assess whether it looked like a black widow. If so, I will very carefully scoop it off with the ‘cup and cardboard’ method, and release him outdoors. If it does not look like something which can potentially cause me harm, I’ll just scoop the guy up in my hands and dump him outside that way.
If he’s not a black widow but otherwise interesting looking, I might first just watch him for a bit. For Science!
Now, if it’s a a cricket, I will proceed to freak the hell out, scream like a little girl, flail wildly about, and be unable to sleep that night.