I need a little help. I have writing several slash stories and an online friend tells me the pacing is off. It goes by a little too fast. My main problem is with the “action” of the story.
The sex scene is shooting by at the speed of light. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make the story longer. I have a big vocabulary and am a voracious reader, those to are not a good combination for slash fiction. I also suck at coming up with a plot that sounds good. I read other peoples works and they seem to have found something that works for them, while I’m still figuring out how to write a coherent sentence.
A seriously great book to read is “Techniques of the Selling Novel” by Dwight V. Swain.
Action moving too fast is a common problem. Two pieces of advice:
Really draw out tense moments with a LOT of action cues. Note as many interesting “tells” in the characters’ movement as you can think of. Swain gives great examples of this.
Are you spending time on sensory stuff? Often when an action seems to happen too fast, some sentences of atmospheric sensory description will slow it down sufficiently.
After a quick read of your first link: why the heck do you hurry through the spanking? That’s the money shot of the piece, right? I want at least one full sentence between each thwack, preferably two or three. How does Gil feel? How does Dimo feel? How does each blow change the sensation? What are the other characters in the room doing? What does everyone expect to happen after the spanking–how does it increase or relieve tension between the characters?
PS: it is also missing a sense of setting. Let the reader look around the room a little before action starts to happen. Gives them a chance to get oriented. Also, what do the characters look like? I don’t need super-specifics but I’d like to know characters’ species, genders, sizes… just a few things to anchor me in the world… before the real action begins.
I think I’m having a hard time getting what’s in my head onto the paper. I have a vived imagination, but my writing skills are sub par, thank you American public schools.
It’s like I visualize it, almost like a movie, but something gets lost when I write it down. If I put too much down, it becomes War and Peace. I’m also worried all about getting bogged down in details.
Ever read The Lord of The Rings? You know those long descriptive paragraphs that go on and on about their surroundings? Yeah, that happens really quickly with me. Either too much or too little. I can’t seem to find my happy medium.
I will look into that book, thank you!
With the spanking part, Dimo is an Orc like super soldier that could disembowel Gil with one swipe of his hand. I wanted it short to be more plausible. I wanted Gil to catch him off guard and throw him over his lap, getting the swats in before Dimo could react.
Here is Dimo by the way. http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20140721#.VKrSO3se5BI
It takes practice, like Inner Stickler said, and lots of analysis of what other people have written.
You do need some sensory stuff at least; you can’t dispense with that. Set the scene too. Go read Hemingway’s short story “Hills Like White Elephants,” which is both short and Hemingway (and available for free on the internet). Can’t tell me he’s too wordy, can you? He takes time to set the scene.
One other mechanical thing that can help you: Your dialog is all jumbled together in the same paragraph. Every time a new person speaks, that should be a new paragraph. Include each person’s dialog along with whatever actions they do in the same paragraph, then go to the next one. Like this:
This will also make it easier to notice things like you have Dimo sneer twice in the second paragraph.
Notice that in the final paragraph above, I left the action in the same one even though it’s two different people acting. That’s to give it a faster feel.
It’s so hard though. I think it’s the hardest part.
You can write something that seems lovely in one minute, then you return to it and it’s complete crap. I try to comfort myself with the fact that many great writers suffer from crippling anxiety about their writing.
For those who struggle with this, there is a really good book called The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear. It makes it clear how much of the process is overcoming psychological barriers.
How about this: assume the reader has absolutely no idea who these people are or what the setting is. You see it in your own mind, but the reader doesn’t. Does the reader need to be familiar with these characters to enjoy the story? Can they be summed up with a few words to give readers a general idea of what these characters are like? Are Dimo and Oggie orcs? Are they soldiers? Are they taking a break from guard duty?
Does the first paragraph take place in a bar? Seems like it would, given that two goons are fighting over a drink. But then they break Agatha’s favorite table. What kind of room would contain Agatha’s favorite table? If she likes the table so much, does she keep it in a side room with other collectibles and antiques? Why is Agatha letting these two goons drink in a room full of valuables? Is Agatha their boss? Why does she tolerate them if they’re such spazzes?
Better. One common mistake is ending plurals with apostrophe s, as in the sentence “How many times have I told you to leave the villager’s alone?” If you’re talking about more than one something, don’t use the apostrophe.
Another common mistake: “blah blah blah.” Said the ogre.
should be “blah blah blah,” said the ogre.
End the quote with a comma, then end quote, then noncapped said.
In the 1st para, go ahead and give us the hunter’s name. Then in the 2nd paragraph, use “Gunter shrieked” instead of “he shrieked.” I lost track of which he you were talking about.
Describe Agatha a little more and point out what makes her so intimidating to the orcs. Why do they cower to her? What is it about her personality, appearance, manner of dress etc that makes them feel like children in front of her? Especially focus on that before the spanking starts. This is a big tough orc who kills without remorse. How does this teenage girl exert such control over him?
One more thing: make the hairbrush more menacing. Describe how solid and hard it looks, and how Agatha swings it to demonstrate her prowess with spanking. Maybe Dimo hears a whoosh and a crack in the air as it breaks the sound barrier when she whips it. Maybe Dimo had previously seen another goon with his pants down, and the guy had a square-shaped dimple on his butt cheek. Now he knows why. Maybe have Agatha choke a little when she commands Dimo to kneel over, because her mother/teacher/headmaster used the same brush on her when she was young and she remembers the pain. Build up the dread Dimo must be feeling before the spanking starts and make the readers squirm in their seats.
Thank you, I remember jack shit about writing. It took me awhile just to remember how to do paragraphs.
I zone out while writing and forget pertinent things. Like who these people/things are or why they behave the way they do .:smack:
