I was trying to convince myself that you meant since 1/2/2006. Didn’t work. But thanks for the mild appreciation. 
That must explain why the would-be burgular sounds like the Beav.
No, that chapter details how to keep oversized anthropomorphized Burglar Monkeys from stealing your wallet. It’s the sort of thing that happens to both black and white people. It is a popular misconception that the International Brotherhood of Buglar Monkeys (IWW) only strike in bad neighborhoods. In fact, there’s one right behind you. Ut, he’s gone. never mind.
Huh. So “IWW” really does stand for “I Won’t Work.”
Also, don’t confuse the Burglar Monkey with the Bugler Monkey.
Ut?
The wallpaper reference alone should have tipped us off to the fact that this book was written in an earlier decade. Wallpaper has suffered significant losses in popularity over the past twenty years. Paint is now the wall decoration of choice for both Negroes and Honkies.
Now if only the author had written “…It is only by blending with the ill-advised faux-granite sponged wall that was painted in a fit of Martha Stewart-esque domesticity back in the '90s and that desperately needs to be updated that you can survive in the city…”
Funniest post of the year!
Yes, the information about ghosts is outdated. It was superseded by the published research of E. Spengler, R. Stantz, and P. Venkman in 1984 and 1989.
I think, according to the most recent contract agreements, all Bugler Monkeys are in the AGMA (AAAA). Assuming they’re organized, of course. If they’re not, they’re probably trying to fuck a football, though, so they don’t enter into the discussion, really.
Oh for fuck’s sake. And here I thought ‘Well, at least this is one thing nobody here can play let’s-figure-out-how-this-isn’t-racist with’. I must have forgotten the one about how spraying a black person with insecticide while calling them a nigger isn’t necessarily a racist act either, again.
Your twisted logic rests on the idea that the cultural association between ‘urban burglar’ and ‘monkey mask’ is stronger than between ‘black people’ and ‘monkeys’. Or black people and criminals, for that matter. In fact, it kind of reads like the author realized that white people can also read ski masks, so he should make sure his racist humor was absolutely clear by throwing in the monkey mask.
“The reference to the monkey mask may not have racial connotations”? Jesus! How can you not see how fucking pathological this kind of twisted logic is? Is it just a complete lack of a sense of history?
I suppose it would help if you were being robbed by the Nairobi Trio.
Do you think you could get a little bit more worked up over this? I’m just trying to fully examine the passage, that’s all. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being outraged over racism, but what’s the problem with exploring every angle?
You might remember an incident where Howard Cosell referred to a black receiver as a “little monkey.” Immediately he was pounced on - and the knee-jerk reaction was, I think, completely understandable. However, once people actually started investigating the matter, it was found that Cosell used the term “monkey” to refer to many players who were agile and quick, black and white.
Cosell probably shouldn’t have used the term at all, but the point is, he had no ill intentions. I think we’ve all deduced here that the passage about the monkey mask in the survival book is most likely bigoted, but I still don’t see the problem with offering other possibilities. I think your strong words and your calling my logic “twisted” are out of order.
And the above post is meant for Ensign Edison.
The “problem” is that the idea that even incredibly OBVIOUS examples of racism have to be minutely examined in case the white person involved can be exonerated is one that stems entirely from racism itself. It’s so insane (or ignorant) to call that kind of thinking “logical” that any claim that one is merely being rational about things and examining all angles is clearly bullshit. You’re doing it because you’re afraid that if you let claims of racism go by without triple-checking them, black people will start showing up at your house to make you personally feel bad about slavery, or something. I don’t know, but it’s one of the most astonishing examples of a mind that has no idea how completely screwed up it is on a subject I’ve ever seen. I’m sure you believe every word you have typed to me, but I’m telling you that your brain is malfunctioning and that belief is part of it.
I’m glad you know exactly why I do everything that I do. I didn’t know we had a psychic on this board.
You should think twice before making presumptuous personal attacks on me. I know it’s easy for some people to be rude over a message board, because they don’t have a pair of eyes and a face to look into while they’re talking, but I personally try to be polite to everyone I talk to here, even if I disagree with them. I think you should do the same.
I told myself that the very next time some jackass started whining about people being mean in the Pit I’d start a fucking thread about it, but I don’t have the energy, especially since this time I wasn’t even personally attacking you. But it’s very clear to me now that you’re the kind of person who cherishes his ignorance so much that he thinks it’s a personal attack when someone suggests that the human brain isn’t a perfect reporter about its own operations.
I was going to make a joke, but that one was infinitely funnier than anything I could have come up with. Kudos, sir. doffs hat 
(Although the part about never carrying their head tucked under their arm is true. Anne Boleyn’s ghost, for instance, carries her severed head on her lap.)
Ensign Edison, I’m done talking to you. You can boil over with hatred for me all you want, but I really don’t care. At least I’ve tried to contribute to this discussion. All you’ve done is bellyache at me for my imagined “racism,” and if you knew me personally you would laugh at how foolish that allegation is. So there’s nothing more I can say.
Well, and take his wallet.
You are not helping. In fact, I don’t think you’re even trying to help.
Another idiot who believes only people who actually say “I am a racist” are the problem, and who thinks “that cognitive habit stems from culturally ingrained racist constructs” means “you personally are an evil awful horrible racist who secretly wants to lynch black people”. You’ve demonstrated my point aptly, AT. You believe that there are people who wish to unfairly attack you for being racist, and therefore you think you have to be “fair” to the point of making up obviously ridiculous scenarios to excuse it away. You feel like black people want you to feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault, so you look for possible reasons to reject even the most blatant examples of the reality of racism.