My husband has been out of town since last Saturday. The first couple of nights were a bit weird, but since then I’ve been sleeping really well. I go to bed later, get up earlier, and feel better.
He’s an extremely restless sleeper. Since we’ve never been apart this long before, I had never noticed how much he was interfering with my sleep. He’s not a snorer, but he thrashes and moans and gets up and lies down and generally is annoying.
So, I’m considering maybe trying separate beds.
I’m betting that he will resist the idea.
Does anyone sleep in a separate bed or room than your SO? When/why did you two decide to try it out?
Not me but my parents, who are widely known amongst my friends as the perpetual honeymooners, sleep in separate rooms. My dad snores like all get out and they have different preferences on temperature and air circulation. The stress level in their relationship dropped to near zero since they started doing that, which happened just as we all left the house (at roughly the same time).
Give it a go. He might be happy you asked.
The NYT had a fairly recent article about this. The summary was that sharing a place for what is the most selfish/self-centered activity we do is really stupid.
We did for a long time until I got something that helps my restless leg syndrome. I didn’t mind it, and really we’d still be doing it if my sister in law hadn’t moved in.
Well, my husband always moves out for a few months when we have a newborn, but other than that we still have to share a king-sized bed.
My parents on the other hand have not shared a bedroom in decades, and are very happy that way. She snores like crazy and now has one of those Cpap machine thingys, and he is a very restless and light sleeper.
My ideal set up would be a master bedroom big enough for 2 queen beds. I like sharing a room, sharing space, but I pretty much hate sleeping with my husband.
My friends got married a couple weeks ago. They’ve been living together for about 6 months. He is just NOT used to sleeping with another person. At first she thought it was weird but since their bed times are so far apart (like 9 PM and 2 AM), she found it to be ok.
However, now that they’re officially married, she is kind of hoping he’ll come to bed all proper. And yes, they do have sex - I asked
My folks have been sleeping apart on and off for 35 years - mostly because dad has been on different shifts on and off for 35 years. Nowadays, since they have 2 beds (due to me moving out) they occasionally sleep apart just for kicks.
I need a lot less sleep than my wife. We have two bedrooms for the nights when I don’t lay down with her. We love to hold each other until we fall asleep, then we both want the bed to ourselves.
FWIW Ward and June slept in separate beds as did Lucy and Ricky.
Meaning? They were from an era where outside of children no one even hinted at sex, and they were ficticious. If you’re saying that sleeping apart is no indicator of how happy a marriage is, I won’t argue with that, but my grandparents slept in separate beds and they made each other’s and their children’s lives miserable.
My wife is a morning person and a very light sleeper. I’m a night owl who occasionally has real problems sleeping–jsgoddess, I’m probably much like your husband. Normally, my wife and I manage.
But it’s not unusual for me to head for the guest bedroom when I just cannot sleep, so I don’t disturb my wife with the light on while I read for hours. Or, if she has an early flight for a business trip, and must leave the house at 6:00 a.m., she will go to bed early (say, 9:00 p.m.) and I’ll use the guest bedroom so as not to disturb her when I eventually go to bed.
My wife and I would benefit from seperate beds as I get bouts of insomnia and roll around, tossing and turning in frustration, which disturbs her. However she’d never agree to it. She’d see it as a sign there’s something wrong in the relationship.
I guess we need to get a bigger house and a bigger bed.
I doubt that Marcie and I have spent ten nights together in the same bed during the twelve years we’ve been together. She can’t sleep with her feet covered and I can’t sleep unless mine are. She has restless leg syndrome and I am a world class snorer. Trying to sleep together creates stress for us; sleeping apart keeps us happy.
My parents have had separate beds in the same room for years, for the same reason the OP mentions: he’s a restless sleeper, she wakes easily. Both said they slept better once they moved into the twin beds; she gets her peace and quiet and he doesn’t get elbows in the ribs nearly as often
I moved into a spare bedroom about five years ago after my husband had surgery on his hand. Didn’t want to bump into it.
It worked out so well, I stayed there. No more fussing about pillows, blankets, room temperature, ceiling fan on or off. I worked days anyway, and my alarm always woke him up and he couldn’t get back to sleep.
I think we both wanted to sleep separate but the surgery gave us an excuse to do it.
My fiancee and I sleep comfortably in the same bed, but last year one of my teammates mentioned that he and his wife sleep in separate beds most of the time. She has OCD and gets all squicked out about sharing germs sometimes. Apparently she doesn’t totally get serious, debilitating heebie-jeebies or anything. It just bothers her enough that she has trouble sleeping if they’re sharing a bed.
after my post. Carry on.