I agree to the blue tin of cookies - but instead of one large tin, buy two small ones, one for each kid. Then they’ll have their own super secret hiding place for random crud that all kids have.
My winter time go to used to be a bunch of packets of fancy hot chocolate mixes, homemade (or store ‘homemade’) marshmallows, and a small bottle of Bailey’s / butter brickle schnapps (if appropriate). Stuff you know people usually don’t buy for themselves, useable, and yummy.
Unless you know the host and know something they will like, don’t bring ANYTHING nonedible/drinkable. You might like potted plants or small oil lamps, but the host might just view it as something they have to get rid of.
Do not bring cut flowers - which the host will need to decide how and where to display, and which might not go with their planned decor.
A box of chocolates/cookies, nuts (unless you worry about possible allergies), or a bottle of wine take up little space and can be put out for the guests, saved for the host to enjoy later, or recycled as another hostess gift.
This. No one should ever give me a live plant. Someone gave me a darling one last week for my birthday and I did it a favor (and probably saved its life) and regifted it to a good home the next day.
Rather than a present, consider asking her if there’s anything for the dinner you can bring. If you’re not a cook, great wines and deserts can easily be purchased. If you are a cook, a side dish could be good. This would help her save some time and effort for the dinner.
Another great idea-I have actually done this one, albeit without the clever idea of the fun liquor nips (those are so easy to find and I often tuck them into care packages to help get my youngest through hideous end-of-world-as-you-know-it-do-or-die national medical licensing exams. Of course, I often buy duplicates of some flavors for me to play with at home. Cheap thrills for $1-1.59 a nip.
That’s one of the joys and sorrows of Trader Joe’s-one day they have XXXX and the next they don’t. Fall in love with pink grapefruit champagne jelly and they will carry it for only one short season, but I will look for it every time I go for years.
Here is what is still left in my freezer from my last TJ shopping trip:
Pork Gyoza Potstickers (pork and vegetable)
Chicken Gyoza Potstickers
Chicken Cilantro Mini Wontons
Mushroom Ravioli with mushroom truffle sauce
Ricotta and Spinach filled Ravioli with tomato basil sauce
Other goodies have been snarfed and left no evidence behind.
And they also have Advent Calendars filled with pet treats, which is fun if I ever saw it. How they do it for 99 cents I do not know. I could do (and have done) all my holiday shopping at Trader Joe’s. At the moment my housemate’s birthday present is hiding in my room-a $9 bottle of eggnog liquor. She’ll love it, I wouldn’t drink it on a bet.
Or why do other places have to charge $5.00 to $10.00 for the same thing?
Ran over to google and checked. The Trader Joe’s cat and dog Advent Calendars are $5.99 each, but they are adorable. The human kid and adult ones with chocolates are .99 cents. In the right-minded household that would all equal out.
The beauty of cut flowers is that no one expects them to last very long and when they die, they can be thrown out or put in the compost bin.
Yeah - that’s fine. And I tend to agree. But have you ever brought flowers and found the recipient doesn’t have a vase? or the right size vase? I have.
Or have you decorated you house/table in a certain way, only to have someone bring a bouquet that - however attractive - does not go with the decor? Happened to me.
Generally, I LOVE flowers. And in many situations, they would be welcome. I firmly believe, however, that the possibility that they will NOT be welcome is sufficient that I bring wine or candy instead.
I suppose you can bring the flowers already in a vase. And no one I know cares whether the flower colors coordinate with the decor.
Scented candles?
If you are up to it, something you have made yourself shows thought. I usually bring a dozen or so chocolate truffles. My daughter is known for her biscotti.
If you and your daughter are free this Thanksgiving, consider yourself invited! (please bring your own mask) 
Christmas treats are great if you know they celebrate the holiday. If you don’t know, choose Walker shortbreads or something that you can put a fall-themed ribbon around and present it to them. I vote for flowers already in a vase, but you will know best what to pick from this list.
Trader Joe’s is a great place to find a good hostess gift that the kids will like too. They have sparkling, non-alcoholic cider and lemonades that come in a nice bottle too.
I’m gratified that it’s not just me - I thought a step stool, ha.
Hey, us fluffy hostesses like gifts too.