Welcome to the 1970’s!
Are y’all gonna hate me if I say Hawkeye? Tall, black(ish) hair, one helluva moralizer, love to hear myself talk, not incompetent with the ladies, very good with situational joking… Would love to say I’m BJ, but honesty compels me to admit the truth. 
I’m proud you identify with Hawkeye.
I could only dream of being that cool. 