Smut shop employees

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

(Man! Don’t ever go to a cheap, discount dentist. This is the second night I’m up with a bad tooth, even though I’m on pain killers and antibiotics from another dentist! At least it don’t hurt as much.)

So, to pass the time, I’ll tell you more of my days selling smut.

These days you have to be pretty open minded, what with everyone demanding rights and everything. I try to be, but I was born at the beginning of the civil rights movements. I was in school when Vietnam was raging. I signed up for the draft – a scary thing you guys out there hopefully will never have to experience. I was called and went to serve but was failed. (Something which I found surprising, but not disappointing.)

I’ve had to adjust to a lot, and sometimes, it’s difficult, but one of the biggest things I have not been able to manage is dykes. The female homosexual who plays the male role – in drag. In the shop I got used to Gays coming in drag or not and quite a few of them I liked. Some of the ‘drag queens’ who looked pretty damn good in woman’s clothing would show up in a new outfit, strike a pose in front of the counter and huskily ask me if I thought he/she looked sexy. Sometimes they’d take a baby doll outfit down, hold it up against them and ask me what I thought. Now and then one would buy a big dildo and comment that if that one did not satisfy ‘him,’ they would just have to grease up a baseball bat.

I got used to the cute lesbians coming in singly or in pairs, some dressed in men’s clothing – which was usually the give away. (How the hell can you tell today? They have woman’s clothing out that looks like men’s.) I got to categorizing them: female/female lesbians = very feminine, mild male/female lesbians = one the obvious ‘husband,’ one the wife, and then, the worst, dyke/female = one an over exaggerated male/one the female.

Homosexuals have nothing like this.

I hated to see them come into the store. They were either lean and mean or fat and mean. Mouthy as hell and they always walked with exaggerated ‘maleness’, talked too loudly and had a lot of trouble completing a sentence without dropping in a swear word or 8.

Around by the dildos it was something like this: 'Well hell, bh, lookit the size of this Mfr! Bet I can ream your corn hole b***g well with one ‘a these!’

Then, if here were other men looking around would come the comments: ‘C’mon, babe, I can satisfy you better than any of these fags! You don’t need no f*****g man with me around.’

I had to throw a couple of them out. One skinny little chick with a shaved head, dressed all in guys clothing and weighing all of 90 pounds had about a 300 pound mouth. She offered to beat my ass in any way, shape or form. Just because she was a woman did not mean that she did not fight like a man. I had to be a fag anyhow for working in such a fag place. She called me names that I haven’t heard in years and impressed the hell out of a couple of straights and a couple of gays who were in the store. (I think they were writing down what she was saying, for future reference.) I had to go out from behind the counter, grab her by the arm and scruff of the neck and pitch her out of the door. She kept tying to kick me in the pills. She stood outside and screamed insults at me, telling me to come out and fight like a man and threw empty beer cans at the door until I called the cops. She split just before they arrived. (Cops did not always rush to places like my store.) Even today I cannot stand the ‘bull dyke.’

It used to gripe my ass to see a gorgeous little woman come in accompanied by a dyke that I can only describe as a ‘hawg’. Something hugely fat, with close cropped hair, a wide, moon face, close set eyes, dressed in a T-shirt the size of a tent, baggy jeans, huge, braless, wide, flat knockers and big feet encased in even bigger sneakers. A bunch of those crappy jail house tattoos on both pallid, wide, flabby arms and a grin filled with missing or broken teeth. Open the mouth and the language was usually trash or moron.

You know, Gays tend exaggerate the female side. Dykes tend to exaggerate the male side - only they seem to try to promote the worst possible aspects of being male.

I preferred Gays in the store to Dykes. Gays rarely gave me any problems. Gays could often be funny with their comments around the dildo stock. Gays very rarely swore all over the place. A Gay in drag would almost always act like a Lady. (Well, sort of.)

I mean, how else could you have a conversation with a guy about the virtues of ‘super slippery love lotion’ in comparison with ‘raspberry flavored love jell’ without geting embarassed or cracking up laughing? How when needing an emergency lubricant, could you learn that sunflower cooking oil is far superior to the old standby vaseline and it doesn’t cause condoms to break like the ol’ big V will?

I had some weird discussions on quiet days. They kept me from being bored.

42

…of course you can always work at a very clean, well-lit, respectable adult sex shop like Good Vibrations in Berkeley and San Francisco. One look at their Web site, Good Vibes tells you there’s no shame or ickiness there!

43

As one of the newest, shyest (for now) newbies on this board, I’ve read this thread since it started and…I find it so enthralling but I don’t really have much to add, other than to say I’m hooked.

All this talk about your shop, Prism, makes me long to stop by the better sex shops round here but um…it’s odd, I’ve been there before when I had to scout some items for a Valentine’s Day article I was writing. I had no problem walking in, borrowing some items for a photo shoot and returning them, going in and out of the store at least three times…but it was “business”. Going back now, on my own, for my own sake…I’m paralyzed.

I’m not prude, I think, but certain things make me really nervous. No doubt you recognize me as the kinda J.Crew young professional chick who’s kinda hip but still scared silly over being seen leaving a sex shop. (Not to mention that the store is literally downstairs from a good friend’s apartment.) Ack!

Maybe I’ll talk myself into stopping by later this week…cause the thought of ordering something and having it delivered to my apartment is an even worse thought.

44

This is one of the most captivating threads on here. Thank you Prism for sharing your tales. I’ve enjoyed them.

45

I’m also a very shy newbie, and could NEVER strike up the nerve to go into a sex store.
However, thank you Prism02! It’s very interesting and I must say, rather amusing…(I found myself laughing uncontrollably)…

46

Thank you, thank you – throw coins please.

I had almost forgotten about Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. (She is gorgeous, isn’t she?) She was making it big on television back then and we, as I’ve mentioned, carried costume kits like hers. She was real popular for a time not only among the TV viewers, but among chicks for their guys. (I figure her posters were glued to the walls above many a pubescent teenaged guys bed.)

However, some of the girls/women who bought the costumes probably should not have bothered – even with the heavy makeup. Elvira is of a certain (drool) body style. We had Elvira’s that were short and fat, Elvira’s that were tall and skinny, Elvira’s that were flat chested, and Elvira’s that were male.

We sold a lot of cheap Elvira wigs and fright wigs. I liked the fright wigs and the colors they came in.

My boss ordered in some silver boxers for men. I think he might have been drunk at the time because they were a polyester cotton blend – a lot of polyester – shiny and glittery with gold piping around the seams. They did not sell well at all, until he put them on a male mannequin, popped one of those old biker hats on it’s head (remember the biker guy in Village People) tossed on a vinyl ‘leather’ vest with studs, boots and fastened a set of chrome plastic handcuffs to one wrist. Then stuffed the crotch with a dildo.

Then they sold. Gays and S&M people bought them out.

We carried some love lubricant that was lime flavored and scented but had to send the batch back because people complained that it was too bitter and women complained that it burned a little. I tasted a fresh bottle and - WOW - it was all of that and more! The makers had added far too much lime flavoring and citric acid. It was from some distribution center in New York City and they had gotten it from China. (It was real damn oily also, which made me suspect they used something other than vegetable oil in the mix. I had to rinse my mouth out, it tasted so vile. I used some drops of cherry douche concentrate in water. That did the trick.)

So, for that morning after foul taste in your mouth, 2 drops of Cherry douche concentrate in a glass of water is better than Listerine.

47

Douche.

I love douche, don’t you?

The name sounds crappy, but I suppose it’s better than calling it ‘flush.’

We carried the flavored and scented douche concentrates in the little plastic packets and I just liked looking at all of the colors. Transparent red for Strawberry, clear, lighter pink for cherry, a wonderful iridescent green for lime (don’t find that one around much any more), and a dark blue for blueberry. They came in packets of 8 in clear, small hard plastic boxes. We would sometimes take some of the packets, break the up and sell them as packaged selections. Those things looked so neat sitting in rows on the counter, all jewel-like.

They sold well also.

One day, a customer accidentally knocked one off of the counter and the case broke, a couple of strawberry packets
slid out and got squashed. Man! We had the only porn store in town that reeked of a truck load of strawberries for a few days! That stuff is super concentrate! When a girl mixes it with water and shoots it up there her significant other better damn well appreciate it! If she makes a mistake, he could be facing a wheel barrel of fruit between those creamy thighs!

You can get real damn tired of the scent of strawberries in a real damn short time!

We got in a selection of rubber (?), vinyl (?) dildos of a new design. They were transparent and filled with glitter, very soft (yet firm) and flexible. (Kind of like those clear rubber balls kids can buy today.) They came with gold, emerald, silver, crimson, (kinda Christmassy isn’t it)?, cobalt blue, rainbow, yellow and orange glitter fixed inside.

They sold out within a week! People wanted more but we never could get any more. Our supplier had gotten them as a promo from a new company somewhere in New Jersey, but when they tried to get more, they found out that the place had gone belly up.

(Sigh!) We just could not meet the demand for glitter dicks.

48

I would think you wouldn’t be able to use douche that much, since technically, it’s just a recipe
for yeast and vaginal infections, from what I understand.

49

Gotta back you up on that one, Guinastasia. Mrs. O is an OB/GYN nurse and she’s commented several times on the high occurrence of bacterial vaginosis among regular and frequent users of douche.

BV, for all you lay people out there, is apparently what causes the well-known ‘fishy’ smell expounded upon in numberless cheap thrills magazines and eighth-grade playground jokes.

Oh, and PRISM02, your stories are great! I’ve come back to this thread several times and you’ve always added something about your experiences there. Thanks for the enlightenment!

50

Just a little comment.

This was way back before all of the fuss about douching. In fact, douching was recommended to be done fairly frequently. (Not necessarily with the scented douches, but they had things like vinegar and water and, I think, saline and/or herbal.)

I still recall those little, rectangular, clear plastic boxes all in a row, filled with small, flat, clear plastic tubes of colored concentrates, all back lit by the counter lights and glowing like so many colorful, little jewels.(Sniff. Who says there isn’t art in porn?)

51

Dang, Prism, did you take daily notes? Or did you steal the security camera’s tapes? This is more than I woulda ever believed. I guess I’ve lead a real sheltered life. Anyway, thanks for the stories and details. It’s fascinating.

52

Well, yeah.

Doesn’t everybody when they have great jobs? Actually, being somewhat young and romantic back then, I kept a journal, thinking that someday I might turn it into the great American novel, but it never worked out that way. Plus, I really did like that job and when you manage to land a good job with a good boss in a good place, you remember a lot.

SILICON! That’s the name I was trying to remember in the previous post for the stuff the dildos were made of.

We carried an assortment of butt plugs. I understood all of the uses for them – though my boss rather amusedly had to fill then still somewhat naive me in on their purpose and functions. I thought they were strange. Especially those in weird, – ah – umm – how do I explain this – well, twisted turd shapes. Some had, well, raised rings to promote maximum sensation when being ‘extracted’. A few did not look like they would exactly go in easily, let alone come out upon demand.

The battery operated ones nearly finished me. They cracked me up. I called them ‘butt buzzers’. Some of them came in fluorescent colors and the thought of some chick on all fours (or guy) with a dayglow orange plug poking out of his/her ass, buzzing merrily away almost had me on the floor, roaring with laughter.

I’m afraid that until I got used to them, I offended a few Gays, who came in a bought the ‘butt buzzers’ because I could not help giggling and shooting them knowing looks as I poked the thing and batteries into a bag, being sure to ask ‘uh, you want lubricant with that?’

Fond memory: You have not lived until you have a beautiful lady on top, with you inside and a ‘butt buzzer’ in her other port of entry, going to town. You get to feel it also along your – uh – member! Double the sensation! The expression on her face is wonderful to watch also.

So, you guys and gals, rush right on down to your local porn market and buy a butt buzzer!

53

You just might know this. Where would a guy go to get an adult video that is now out of print. I’ve searched the web, including excalibur, but they all say it’s no longer available. Do you know of any stores that deal is used tapes?

54

Far more likely they were silicone; that final “e” makes a lot of difference. Silicon is an element, a hard silvery-gray brittle solid at room temperature.

55

I worked in a porn shop and you expect me to be able to spell?

I liked foreword woman. You don’t see a whole heck of a lot of them these days – unless they’re ugly. This pretty little black haired number walked into the shop one day, dressed something like a biker babe, not much in the way of knockers but a really cute face and great ass. She had this great mass of shiny black hair and great black eyes that led me to think she was of Indian blood somewhere along the line. Hot pants were in then and she wore them very well!

She picked out a selection of dildos, some scented lubricants and brought them to the counter, where she proceeded to get into a discussion with me over their merits. During which, she exchanged one on my recommendation for a better type and I sold her what was then a new aloe based skin cream for her legs and face. She was sooooo cute! I suggested a very strong mint flavored mouthwash for her when she commented that she disliked the taste of sperm, especially when a guy had been pounding down beers. She said if a guy had been boozing it up all night, she could taste it and did not like it. (I could give her no opinion there.) – (I later asked a Gay guy who I knew well from buying a lot of stuff in the store and he was actually flattered that I asked. He – after a lengthy explanation, agreed that sometimes, one could taste booze in sperm. I stored that away in my memory file of useless knowledge.) ----------[If one drank a lot of peppermint schnapps prior to getting a blow job, would one’s sperm taste mildly of peppermint?] I gave her a free packet of flavored douche - the rainbow selection - something my boss would have gotten hysterical over had he known. (Good man, my boss, but tight as a clams’ ass when it came to money. Tighter even.)

She was getting ready to leave, and I was getting ready to lock up for a bit and spend some time with my dreams about her in the bathroom, when she asked me if I was free after work. I said yeah, being somewhat surprised and she matter of factly said she’d be here and she hoped that I was as good as I sounded. Then she left.

I did not go to the bathroom – well, not for that reason anyhow. That was a long friggin 6 hours. She did meet me after work and I was as good as I sounded and she was even better than I had expected!

(Sigh!) We saw each other 3 more times and then she decided to head to California and I never saw her again, though I never forgot.

I like women who just come out and ask if you want to f**k. Years later, I met another, not as pretty, but just as outgoing and we had some mutual fun with each other for a couple of years from time to time.

Ah, to be young and full of it!

56

Old, used tapes? I doubt if anyone, aside from a private owner, has them. Tapes are not as durable as film. Play them too often and they start to show signs of wear. I’ve not been in the business for years, but if you know the maker of the tape, they might still be in business. You could contact them. I’ve known people to (shudder) tape movies over old porn tapes. Some stores sell off used rental tapes real cheap to get rid of them and don’t keep them around.

Check at a porn dealer selling tapes, he will have a buyers list and might connect you with the dealer or original maker. Good luck.

57

Someone, it seems, had too much time on their hands and some dildos to play with. They fiddled around and invented one which could ‘squirt.’ They rushed it to a dildo maker, who added a few refinements and made the thing look rather real.

They hit the stores and became a hit. Chicks loved them. Guys were not so sure. It was one thing for their girls to diddle with a rubber dick, but another when it could ejaculate upon command. They could be filled with any nontoxic ‘goo.’ From mayo to vegetable oil, to something like thin tapioca pudding. Someone else came up with a ‘sperm substitute,’ prepackaged, real looking - sort of – ,(it was too white and too thick) that could be used and easily cleaned up. (Got that? No pecker tracks.)

Some girl came up with the idea of soaking the jell bottle in hot water before pouring it into the dildo, then some other girl decided to soak the whole dildo also. Then POOF! They had a rubber penis that was warm and could ‘ejaculate’ ‘hot’ sperm! (I, not being all that smart at the time, did not know that when a man does his business inside a woman, sans rubber, she can often feel the results and the temperature of it. – Hey! I never said I new everything.)

Soon, harnesses came out along with modified versions and newer styles of the dildo and men were not pleased at all. (Aside from some Gays, who were just thrilled.) Two women could go all night long with the important part of a guy without all of the annoying rest of the nasty parts! Then someone developed a penis ring with a clitoris stimulator on it that would also fit on the dildo and a lot of women were ecstatic!

Dykes were pleased and so were most of the lesbians because they could pretend to be guys even better now!

A new form of ‘guy’ masturbator was presented, which consisted of a hand held, soft, rubber ‘vagina,’ complete with water fillable sheath to make it warm, and a vibrator attachment to concentrate on the tip to provide major stimulation.

That did not sell that well.

We all just had to wait for the newness to wear off, which it did, helped along by the company’s increasing the prices of the dildos.

Still, that was scary. Think about it. A woman could buy the best part of a guy that would ‘come’ when she wants it too and afterwards, she doesn’t have to run all over the house getting ‘it’ things!

Not too long back, a couple of years ago, I think, I spotted this new device – the Tongue. It is hand held and has a tongue with several speed settings on it. A radio show later promoted them (because a porn shop gave them a bunch for free advertisement) and they were hysterical over the things. (It seems that several vanished from the station within the first few days - stolen by the front desk girls.) Women who bought the device called in and raved about it.

Step carefully guys. As soon as someone figures out how to make something better than a plastic doll to fill in the space between mouth and pecker, we might be replaceable.

58

I just happened to remember this little bit of weird information which will let you know how warped our standards have become today.

A friend of mine works in a porn store and I talked with him earlier in the day – well, actually yesterday. He mentioned to me that the cops - always interested in what goes on in porn stores and hoping to bust any hookers hanging about, are actually more concerned with them selling cigarettes to underaged kids than selling them porn!

Can you friggin’ beat that? This no smoking thing is getting about as bad as McCarthyism!

They keep sending in undercover ‘kids’ who, for some reason, either don’t want porn, just smokes, or try to buy smokes with porn.

59

I only have had one experience w/ porno shops. I was in Amsterdam, and there was one walking distance from my hotel. Though I only went inside once (it was dark and freaky), I stayed and read the postcards (the ones with jokes, you sickos ;)). It was weird tho…

60

During this period of time that I loitered at the shop, some man – I think – discovered that women have this secret erogenous zone called the ‘G’ spot located somewhere up within their vagina. All of a sudden here were articles out concerning this special spot in all forms of flyers, news reports and special television shows and all sorts of experts arguing about it.

Suddenly, guys were wearing their fingers out groping and digging for this ‘G’ spot and women were either saying it was found because it had been found or they were tired of being groped by clumsy fingers.

Some guys were mystified and some women were pissed because the guys couldn’t find what the experts said was up there – and pissed that they couldn’t find it themselves. So we got in books about the subject. Lots of books by different authors. Suddenly it seemed that anyone who had a typewriter was a ‘G’ spot expert. (Yeah, TYPEWRITER - you hit the keys to print the words on paper without going through an operating system, word processing program, or printer interface. Astounding, isn’t it? The ink ribbons only cost $1.00 too.)

They sold well, though I don’t think they helped much. Then we got in dildos which were supposed to hit the ‘G’ spot. (They arched up slightly.) They sold well, though I don’t think they did that much good.

The women did not seem to mind anymore. I think they had started to enjoy being groped down there. Some said the ‘G’ spot had been found. People started waxing poetic about the sensations from the ‘G’ spot.

Gays were somewhat irritated about it all. After all, they had no ‘G’ spots. I think they wished that everyone would just shut up about the damn thing. I was asked about it and I could not help because I don’t think I found it either. (I had a lot of fun looking for it, though.)

Then, not all that long afterwards, someone came out with the discovery of the male ‘G’ spot and heterosexual guys were happy – until they read the articles, and then appalled. The male spot is up the rear. Gays were pleased and promptly started looking for it. Some girls, partially out of revenge, from what I understand, started looking for it in their guys also.

I don’t think most of the guys were real enthused about it all.

I don’t know if here is actually any ‘G’ spot for male or female. Now some experts claim it is bunk, some claim that the experts who claim it is bunk are bunk themselves and that there is a ‘G’ spot.

All I know is that we sold a lot of dildos and books during the craze – and lubricant.