Thank you Satan. I’m glad to see that you have the courage to post in this thread. I can tell from the view count that many people are reading my stories but for some reason they’re afraid to share their love of the lord with me.
Other posters, please let me know if you want me to continue with my tales.
Did I mention that our store was located next to a large lutheran church? And not far off was an ecclesiastical robes and church supplies warehouse. I always thought it would be great to combine all three stores into one.
Imagine it! One could go to church and get fired up with enthusiasm for the lord, and then in the store you could perhaps swap stories with some men of the cloth buying a chalice or a stole, and then bring home religious literature to share with your wife in the privacy of your own home.
Diane – “I merely suggested Penthouse Forum if you enjoy the writings of slobbering, air-gasping, one hand typing, keyboard humping, chair-squirming, crotch pulsating, hard-nippled pervert.”
Holy Crow! This is exactly what I looked like while writing for Penthouse Forum! You didn’t hook a camera up in here, did you? (Looks furtively around her office)
Whatever Mark is calling himself isn’t the issue. The issue is that he is Mark and he needs to admit it. I don’t care so much about him lying about things as long as he’s willing to take the heat when he gets caught. However, he could save everyone a lot of problems if he would just admit that he IS Mark. That’s all I’m looking for. Just him saying, “Yeah, it’s me. But I promise to play by the rules and not make up a whole new bunch of screen names to support myself ever again.”
Get some balls, Mark. I’ve taken the heat and always just been myself. So have the bulk of the active posters on this board. Just admit that you are you and play by the rules.
Arnold Winkelried – oh, tell me more! This is so fascinating!
Yes Arnold, do continue. As Stephen King drunkenly plagarized some other guy (Ray Bradbury I think), it is not the take but he who tells it.
I’m more than willing to share my love for the lord but my style doesn’t hold a candle to your own. Lutheran jokes tend to be kind of dry unless you think saying “hotdish” as if it were one word is actually funny.
I love this thread. I was just thinking that I’d be bummed when you inevitably run out of anecdotes, Arnold
Which reminds me…for the longest time I onlyread my bible during church, I dunno, I guess I felt wierd about being too religious. Some months ago, I got advice from a preacher, he gave me some tips on really understanding the bible and ended by saying, “Remember to not take it literally” I didn’t pry for details at the time but now, I wonder, is there anything I should keep in mind for safe bible reading? I’ve been pretty studious, but is it enough?
Our store did a pretty good business in selling mormon literature, but I have to say I got real tired of seeing full color magazine covers of Joseph Smith or the temple in Salt Lake City.
At the back of the store we had some prayer stands where you could kneel and have a moment of silent worship. They had religious images on the partitiions separating them and were located near the plaster saint statues. I disliked going into them, sometimes I’m sure the patrons would be praying for unworthy causes and the area was redolent of the worship of mammon – if you get my drift. I would pray continuously when dusting the prayer stand and the bible provided on the lectern.
Sometimes a young married couple would go pray together. Most would enter in a state of religious fervor. You could always tell the more exuberant worshippers before they went in. Technically I was supposed to prevent noisy prayers but when walking near the back I could hear an “Alleluja” or a “Hosannah” and I would let them pray in peace. And anyway they seemed more devout than the single guys.
Some of the chrisitan women who came in alone bought christian CDs, books, pamphlets and if they had an “I love Jesus” pin I noticed that they often bought other items such as “the miracle of the sand dollar” posters, pictures of Jesus, a reproduction of the last supper and other small trinkets.
I sold a lot of saint statues and St. Christopher medals - though I had to warn buyers that a St. Christopher medal was not a guarantee against accidents and they should still drive carefully.
Now and then some existentialists would come in, stroll around looking at the saint statues and the children’s bibles and “Jesus kicks ass” T-shirts with a tight, poker face, and on the way out, ask me if I believed this nonsense. When I said I had been raised as an atheist, he or she would seem shocked. One asked me how I could justify working in such a place and I replied that I had found the lord. My boss used to get a lot of complaining letters from “People for the American Way” and the ACLU. He just tossed them.
Yeah oldscratch there are some portions of the bible that in my opinion are best viewed as myth. But still many of those myths have valuable lessons to impart and if you study them carefully you can arrive at a better understanding of the word of God and get closer to Jesus.
Some people would come in the store and ask me about my opinions on a Bible passage and would be impressed at my knowledge. I would then recommend that they buy some of our books containing learned dissertations on the Bible. I have many fond memories of spending an evening of worship with my Bible on one hand and a book by a learned theologian in the other. Hey people, I recommend it to all of you - go buy a Bible commentary tonight.
Dang, Arnold, did you take daily notes? Or did you borrow the security camera’s tapes? This is more than I woulda ever believed. I guess I’ve lead a real sheltered life. Anyway, thanks for the stories and details. It’s fascinating.
Ahem, I see we’re back to threatening again, or I suppose you were “drunk” or “joking” or “misunderstood?”
By the way, I don’t have time or the ego to type my name into a search engine first thing in the morning (which I suppose YOU do) but I have to say this: Unlike some people on the board, people don’t have to tippy-toe around me due to my psychological state. If someone has a beef with me, they can either e-mail me or catch me in chat. At which time I’ll either apologize or tell them to get bent as the case warrents. I’m sure those supposedly offended really appreciate you speaking on their behalf. :rolleyes:
Oh please. That was NOT a threat. How many people here have said similar things to other people? You two wanna fight it out, take it to the Pit. Please.
Seriously, VV. I’ve seen you talk about Silo in chat for HOURS ON END sometimes. You chase him around the board. You insult him in threads he said NOTHING to you in. And frankly, I’m sick of you clogging up everyplace I go with your silly fifth-grade crush on him. What are you going to do next, pull his pigtails?
When adults don’t like other adults, they IGNORE them. That simple. I bet Silo wouldn’t share a single word with you if you didn’t start in on things with him. Of course, you wouldn’t know the adult thing to do, given your favorite thing to do is attempt to “have cake” with fifteen-year-olds.
So let me be the first to tell you that 90% of this “problem” with Silo can be traced right to your doorstep. And I WISH you’d stop. Really.
We had several couples coming in where the man was escorting the woman and she tried not to seem too devout. Some people came to browse all our material, even the theologically dubious ones, I was afraid they might stray from the true faith but we tried to keep the store in a state of holiness. I would display quotations from the scriptures and when the women would recite them out loud our store felt vibrant with his sacred pesence.
We were supposed to stop men from entering in too violent a state of religious fervour in our private praying booths at the back but I didn’t want to have to interrupt someone’s worship, and anyway it was a rare occurrence. At least most people did not disturb the other patrons and left the lectern and the religious images nice and ordely.
Now and then some local pastors would come in incognito and ask us if we sold heretical texts or tell us if we knew where to buy some. We didn’t sell any and I would of course never frequented a place that sold those.
We did sell however a lots of books denouncing heresies, and movies showing heretics being punished in the flames of hell. Some of our books had Q&A’s on how to debate and/or recognize heretics. An actor or actress could pretend to be a heretic by reading from a script and another actor playing a Christian would refute their arguments.
I did find it amusing when older women came in and bought the Bible stories illustrated for teenagers. (Women in their 40s and such.)
It was even more interesting when a woman would come in and pretend to be a good Christian would come in with a young missionary, they would be several holy texts and christian videos and when they got to the counter, I would recognize her as being a sinner and not as christian as she pretended to be. She put on a good front but I knew that she probably hadn’t been to church in a long time. Sometimes, to make her feel more comfortable, I would quote an obvious piece of scripture that she could recognize and that would help her keep up the pretence of being very knowledgeable about the Bible. I hoped that with my subtle encouragement she would change her ways.
