Someone here once posted that someone had stolen her or his Kindle. Between the time that the Kindle was stolen and the owner reported it stolen there were several books purchased on the owners account. They were all children’s books. It’s been a few years since I read that, but I think about it once in a while. I think that you are right, pathetic is just the right word for that sort of theft.
Years ago someone broke into my truck and stole my mini fishing pole. Not long after that someone stole my gym bag that had nothing in it but stinky gym clothes and a pair of cheap trainers.
Yeah, I meant MP3 conversion. Trouble is that none of my computers have CD drives . . .
Teeny bit off-thread, but . . .
My vet’s office was broken into and the thieves took narcotics/benzos that work for humans. I told my vet that it wasn’t me because I would have stolen all the flea and tick medicine 
(For non-pet people: Flea and tick medicine is *really *expensive!)
well, yeah, the dosage and the teeny tiny pills for those little guys is really tough…
That reminds me: I had an old iPod that I listened to at work and while commuting. Got to work one morning to find that someone had lifted it out of my bag.
Whoever it was got a free iPod Classic that can’t hold a charge, thus pretty much useless without a charger/dock nearby.
I know someone who broke into a home and stole a tuba. He got caught because the guy at the Hock Shop got suspicious about this sketchy-looking guy trying to sell a tuba and called the cops.
We had a 2X3X1’ rock that had set outside in the garden at House A that when we moved to House B took with us. My kids liked sitting on it as toddlers and then I used it as a spot to place a house plant during the warm months.
When we moved to House C we took our time moving stuff from B (we still own B). One day I mentioned wanting to bring the big rock over since I had finally decided where it would go. Mistermage went to get it and came back reporting it was gone. Yup, someone stole a big limestone rock.
Later that spring we saw where it was: my brother-in-law had incorporated into his garden wall. We decided against saying anything because it was just a rock and he had seemed a little “off” at times. He died that summer of cancer.
We also had someone siphon 1/4 of a tank of gas from one of our cars. The laugh was on them because that car was sitting there with a 1/2 tank of bad gas (local gas station had trouble with water getting in the underground tanks). We just hadn’t towed it out to the shop yet to drain it.
I had a motorcycle stolen and it was hidden for about a year. I figured the thief thought the heat had blown over and tried to ride it probably for the first time (I know this because it had all new tires, brakes, grips blah blah blah. It was all exactly as I left it.)
The fool crashed it pronto. By shear luck, it went down to the left, and when it hit the ground, the clutch lever engaged, and the perch smashed, not allowing the clutch to disengage. Un-rideable, the thief had to abandon it. I got a call from the cops to come get it.
Fuckers blood was all over the tank! That bloody tank is still hanging in my garage.
When I was a wee little elf and still lived in a city, I had one of these cheap plastic sleds stolen from the hallway outside my apartment.
And now a story that actually fits the thread…
While in Brazil, I somehow became quite intoxicated (still a mystery to this day!) and decided I needed this banner that was strung across the road in this little beach town.
I climbed the phone pole (something I have never done before), grabbed the bottom rope, which promptly broke. It’s at this point I realized I hadn’t thought this through.
Down I came, rope burning the insides of my hands (It was still attached on the other side of the street). BAM! Hit the ground. But back up I went to fetch my prize! I grabbed the top rope and hung there for a second before it broke, too. Similar results. But now at least I had something to work with.
Somehow got it ripped down off the other side, wadded it up and started walking back to where I was staying. Then I noticed the smell. This thing reeked! Smelled like old rotten fish, nasty beach stink and general all-purpose funk. I abandoned it pretty quickly.
Woke up the next day, arms and legs full of creosote splinters, fingers rope burned like hell, filthy, bumped and bruised! Yep. Good times!