A lot of us grow out of it though. I went from fundamentalist upbringing to gay pagan. And perhaps even worse, a democrat.
Sorry, I meant to quote that bit about fundamentalism as well, left it out accidentally. My point, pretty much, is that anecdote != data, and homeschoolers are not monolithically fundamentalist; they aren’t monolithically anything these days. Obviously in the South you’re going to have a very high number of evangelicals, but there are atheist homeschoolers even there. Since we have no idea where torie lives or what her personal beliefs are, it’s hard to say what kind of people she will meet. In most larger cities, there will be at least one Christian and at least one secular group to hang out with.
torie, what’s the baby’s dad’s opinion on the matter? I’m thinking if this is a venture you’ll commit yourself to, both of you will have to be on the same page. Does he have any concerns?
If you’re comfortable enough and confident enough in your skills to home school (or think you can gain that confidence), it might be a good thing to try, with the understanding that if you ever feel un-qualified or think that something may be lacking from your child’s education, you can put your kid in school. But, you need to make sure that a) both you and your husband agree on home schooling, and b) you both have the same expectations of you and what your kid will learn through home schooling.
My husband was all gung-ho about keeping our son at home for the first couple of years, then having me home school. Financially, though, it turned out that we really needed my income. And, my husband had far greater expectations of me and our son were I to home school than I thought were reasonable or that I was even capable of (think multi-lingualism - my husband and I both speak at least four additional languages other than English; unfortunately, only one overlaps and our son would never use it; the foreign language he’d use most frequently is Hindi, and all I can do in that language is count to ten and say the primary colors).
I didn’t say that they were. I said I had seen a variety of outcomes BUT of the ones I knew personally, in many cases I wished they could get away from their parents a few hours a day, because they were not developing independent thinking skills (or, in some cases, independent emotional skills). Basically, I encountered a lot of shitty homeschooling, and that colors my opinion of how easy it is to do it in a non-shitty way. I believe it to be quite difficult.
I knew these kids when I was a horseback riding instructor; we had relatively a lot of homeschooled kids around because their schedules are quite flexible so its a good part time job for them. Like I said, I saw the range of outcomes, from amazing to profoundly disturbing.
He thinks that I am their mother and I know what’s best. Not that he is a complete idiot or has no investment in the decision, but I am the one who would be staying home and putting in the majority of the work and sacrifice, so I get to decide. He trusts me and says whatever I think will be best. He also has a lot of faith in his mother, who would be helping me on a day to day basis, because at that point my BIL will be done with school.
But he also warned me not to write anything in stone until we see what kind of personalities they have.
In our case, it’s secular.
There are good points and bad, as others have pointed out.
I currently have a student at the college who was home-schooled.
This has been her first experience sitting with other students in a classroom.
She is very bright, extremely talented and a very quick learner.
She also has the social skills of a ficus plant.
It was VERY difficult for her to adjust.
She is only now slowly making a few friends, and if it weren’t for her innate ability to be tenacious (aka initially bitchy, nasty and condescending), I think she would have quit a few months ago.
Now that she has gotten off her proverbial high-horse and started to mingle, she is turning out to be a pleasant student and I am truly glad to see her when she registers for one of my courses.
Lots of good advice here, especially from Dangermom. I will let you know my experience as someone who has homeschooled, but isn’t doing it now.
First of all, you can always change your mind. And there is nothing wrong with that. My son started out in our local parish (Catholic) school. Kindergarten was great. First grade was horrible for him. He just plain wasn’t ready to sit still for 6 hours a day. He could do the work, when he was so inclined, but often didn’t because he was bored.
I pulled him out and homeschooled him for the next two years. Originally, I thought I’d be homeschooling for the rest if elementary school. We joined a public charter school that held “electives” like classes for the kids. He could take music, Taekwondo, art, etc. but I was teaching him core subjects. He got some classroom experience, but was also able to work at his own pace…ahead in some subjects, behind, but catching up in others.
By the end of 3rd grade, I was realizing my limits and began to think about putting him back in school. Around the same time my son asked to go back to school. So that was an easy decision. This time we sent him to the local public school. He is doing great. That two year break from classroom schoolws exactly what he needed.
So I guess my advice is, don’t be afraid to change your mind. If your child isn’t happy, try something different. Don’t force them to homeschool if they hate it. If you are able to homeschool and they are unhappy at school…pull them out.
I was homeschooled for my entire education. I enjoyed it, and I’d like to try it when I have children, but it’s not for everyone. It’s very challenging and requires dedication from both parent and child. You need to keep detailed records, give appropriate assignments, use up-to-date curriculum, and really be in touch with what learning abilities or disabilities your child might have. You also have to get them involved in things besides school. I learned to play instruments, played team sports, took a lot of field trips, and made neighborhood friends. I wrote stories, made short films, and did all kinds of creative things in my free time. I also did my fair share of TV watching and game playing. You can’t deny your kid hobbies.
I think homeschooling was a success for me and my older brother. We’re not socially retarded freaks. We’re both well-adjusted, contributing members of society who graduated from college, hold down jobs, and make eye-contact when we talk to people. This doesn’t mean that other homeschoolers have the same results.
I’ve met a lot of weird homeschoolers. Some were religious nuts who believed public and private schools would poison the minds of the children. Some were parents intent on having super-geniuses, so they locked their kids up with tons of books and never let them go outside or lay eyes on a TV. Others were just over-protective mommies who wanted to control every aspect of a kid’s life. My mom was just fed-up with the lousy schools in our area, and thought she could give us a better education at home.
It’s a really personal decision that depends entirely on the needs of you and your kid. You just have to weigh the pros and cons and figure out if it’s right for you.
As others have said, my experiences with homeschooled children has been that they are either great, talented, extremely bright, self-motivated and do very well, or they are indoctrinated into non-mainstream beliefs and well behind in everything. I’ve never met anyone in the middle, but I just may not have had any reason to find out that “average” kids had been homeschooled.
From the other point of view, however, whenever I’ve talked to someone who grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive family, going to school is what made them realize that not everyone lived like their family, that there were other options, and that, if they just hung in there until they were old enough, there was hope. Whatever else homeschooling does, it takes that away from abused children.
Note: I do NOT think all, most, or even many homeschooled children are abused.
I wouldn’t suggest doing it for the reason you mentioned in the OP. To me it sounds like you want to homeschool your kids to some how compensate for all the unpleasantness you encountered in school. I think it is kind of unfair to them that they will have to go along with this devoid of any say/choice in the matter simply based on your own experiences.
For those stories of kids who were homeschooled and did spectacular, I’m curious how much of it had to do with homeschooling- anecdotally I’ve known quite a few people who would have thrived in a variety of situations.
While I agree its essential for children to have the support of their parents, at the same time being in situations where they have to adjust and adapt on their own is also very important.
I’m confused (big surprise). Do you mean to say that homeschooling doesn’t have a positive impact on intelligence, but rather the kids who excel are already intelligent?
I suppose some kids are naturally smart. I’m not, though. I’m good at some things, but I worked hard in school. Things didn’t really come easy to me, and I had to spend a long time on a few subjects to really get a good handle on them. In that respect, I think homeschooling had a lot to do with it, since I was able to pinpoint my problem subjects and spend more time working on them. For me, that usually meant working slowly, and having a lot of help. Conversely, if I was good at something, I could move up a grade or two and be really challenged, instead of being bored.
This was a huge plus for me. I was able to work at my own pace and not be tied down to one grade level for all subjects. At any given time I might have been working on things from 4 or more different grades. Math was a weakness for me, so it was usually on grade level or one down and most everything else was 1-3 or so grade levels up. That flexibility was invaluable.
That’s what I took from Incubus’s post. Bright kids with supportive parents are generally going to be fine academically wherever they wind up. They may be happier in one situation or another, but it won’t impact their smarts that much.
Two girls down the street are home schooled (their mother is a certified teacher). these girls are incredibly mature and polite-and seem grades ahead of their peers.
I think public schools in the USA (inadvertently) are fostering immaturity and juvenile behavior-not to mention the fact that everybody is dragged down to the lowest common denominator.
I am a public school teacher and while I have yet to have any children, will seriously consider homeschooling if I do. But my motives go more to the actual quality of education than to any social reasons. I think it is important for children to interact with people who are different than their own family. I think this can be done, though, in ways other than just traditional school. Not to mention that I think* traditional school can, in some ways, be socially damaging to some types of people.
(*This is based on my own opinions that have formed after thirteen years of public education, an education degree, and seven years of teaching. But it isn’t necessarily based on any scientific research, so take it FWIW.)
As far as “quality of education,” I don’t feel like, at least in the region we live in, the basics are being taught nearly as well as what they should. In seven years, a relatively short length of time, I have seen the average level of “knowledge” and the average set of “skills” decline in students year by year. Even among children that seem to have a natural intelligence, I’ve noticed an across-the-board declination in the quality of prior knowledge. I want my children to have a better education than teachers are currently able to give. I want them to see lots of things first-hand, and I want to encourage their curiousities to have a truly meaningful education. You can’t beat the ratio of one teacher to two or three students.
This is another problem I had with Public schools.
It’s sad, but true, in my experience.