Justin_Bailey: I’d be interested in learning more about getting a web host; you can PM me if you want, or just post a reply. It sounds like you’d advise against web hosting through Wordpress completely, which I’d imagine doesn’t tickle tellyworth.
msmith537: Is that your impression of my posts? I hope not; I’ve intentionally gone out of my way (I thought) to avoid stuff like that.
GuanoLad: I think my style of humor (such as it is) doesn’t lend itself to short, pithy messages, which is one reason I’m having a hard time figuring out how to use Twitter.
You can still make idiotic observations about the world around you, retweet other people’s news ad nauseam, and post up links to your blog every time there’s an update. For the first year I had twitter, I used it almost exclusively to follow sports news. It takes a while to get the hang of it.
Tell some stories like:
-You getting drunk and crashing into a donut shop
-how you beat up a hockey mascot
-how you got shat on the first time you tried buttsex
-how you you like to fuck amputees, midgets, and chicks with cholesterolomy bags
-how this chick gave you a blowjob in a x-ray machine
Sauron, just as regards the look of your blog, I think the posts would be more readable if you interspersed some interesting, relevant images throughout the posts. You may be able to find copyright-free or creative commons stock photos you could use.
Institutions like the Library of Congress, the New York Public Library, universities, and dozens of other places have huge repositories of online, out-of-copyright images that are great for blogs and similar websites. A lot of the images are old, but in some cases that can make them even more appealing.
For example, one of Sauron’s blog posts is titled “Man Rule: Never Try to Talk with a Child Under the Age of 10.” I think this photo from UC Berkeley’s site would go great with that post. I’m sure there are even better ones out there; that took me only about two minutes to find.
Wait a minute, though, let’s not be too hasty–I just heard from my doc that my cholesterol is a little high, so I’m pretty interested in this Cholesterolomy bag.
I just want to say that I’m almost the exact opposite of your demographic for your blog… and I thought it was very well-written. I have very high standards, and I didn’t expect “Man Rules” to be fresh and witty (was expecting more of a Dave Barry, but your “voice” is more David Sedaris…or at least Sampiro).
CrankyAsAnOldMan! It’s like Old Home Week up in here now! Where’s lieu?
Let me apologize in advance for the horrendous butt-whoopin’ my Crimson Tide is going to put on your beloved Wolverines.
digs, thank you very much for the compliment. If I can make people smile and make millions of dollars doing it, I’ll be happy.
An Gadai (and others who’ve commented on the blog’s appearance), you’re exactly right. It’s as bland as all get-out. I need to remedy that. Maybe this weekend I’ll have some time to mess with it.
Ellen Cherry, I read your post, and some other stuff on your blog. You’re a talented writer. I could FEEL the struggle against the weeds in your yard.
Sorry, Ms. Numuntka told me my nametag was upside down and I needed more punch. Great to see you both.
Sauron, I wish I could help with the blog but yours is about only the third one I’ve ever read. But it’s my very, very favorite! The first was a link Cranky sent me about some guy that ate all these weird foods like fermenting infected corn and then wrote about the experience and the after-effects. So you’re in good company.
Speaking of, before he sang Mormon praises last night, Brian Williams reported that there’s a giant recall of tainted licorice going on. You mention your house has become super-saturated with its processed airbursts. Maybe from now on they’ll be more like, what’s that stuff called, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. If nothing else at least we know now where the name “Aries” came from.
Good to see you and good luck with the blog (which I just bookmarked.)
I do agree with you Sauron, though; compliments are nice but it’d be nice to make some dough with this thing. I guess I’ll have to be content with being famous after I’m dead.
The Shower Etiquette post was hilarious, but it’s already been done. I read something nearly identical when I was in high school. It was a Dave Barry essay collection in a book about the difference between Women, Men, and Guys. His urinal etiquette essay includes not wanting to be perceived as gay, choosing urinal #7 first or urinal #1 if #7 is taken, staring at the grout, and IIRC what to do when someone chooses #6 when #1 was available.
Still, I’m looking forward to adding a few Page Views to your blog.
I honestly don’t get Twitter at all, but that’s one of the best link-getters my fiance has found for his Dark Shadows blog. It’s also the best way he’s found to have actual dialogue with people - it seems nobody comments on blog posts anymore, it’s all in Twitter. He’s got it set up so his Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and blog are all incestuously intertwined, which also bounces around the traffic.
Guest blogging has been huge for him - before it went under he was asked to participate in a podcast on the Cinementals, which brought a lot of traffic. I guest-blogged a Julia Child thing for him with the Cook for Julia project, which also got a lot of hits from people who would have never wandered into his blog on their own. (I’d like to think it was because everybody loves me, but really it was the hashtag. Another reason to use Twitter.)
Holy cow, I can summon people just by mentioning their name! This is great! Next time I’m going for Bear Bryant.
Thanks, as always, for the kind words, lieu. And I’d recommend taking a gander at Ellen Cherry’s blog too, and Antigen’s while you’re at it.
“Already been done”? “Already been done”? Seriously? You’re saying Dave Barry’s point about not taking a urinal next to another guy is EXACTLY THE SAME as my story of a guy using a shower right next to me and flopping his body parts hither and yon, causing me to have an unfortunate Gold-Bond Medicated Powder with Menthol™ experience? Of course, the two are practically identical! Why didn’t I see it before?
But why stop there … why not just say, “Oh, you’re attempting to write humor. It’s already been done. Don’t bother.”
It IS totally bizarre what gets the hits. My fiance’s old blog is still getting hits for a post he did years and years ago about some obscure facet of 40’s Popeye comic strips. Me burning some chicken breasts is the hit-highlight of this month, despite it having precious little to do with Dark Shadows. It’s like tides - you can’t explain it.
