So, I can't sleep. Amuse me.

Irishfella is coming tomorrow for ONE NIGHT ONLY, so I need my sleep, but like a kid at Christmas I’m too hyper.

I’ve been manically reading every thread for the past 2 hours. You people aren’t posting fast enough.

I have PMS, so I know I’ll have pretty loopy psychedelic dreams when I finally do sleep.
Put this all together and we invent a new game, in which dopers write amusing anecdotes, jokes or general weird stuff, and we see how many of them turn up in my dreams.

Want to play?

My 15 month old is running around in just a diaper saying “hi! hi! hi!” like a bolshevek dancer.
The nine year old is playing legos. He’ll build a bomb from them one day and blow up his brother’s stuff.
My four year old girl farted in a public mens room so loud I thought they could hear it outside.
Oh that reminds me of the 16 month old farting in the tub two nights ago. He would turn red and bear down and “blooop” then laugh a cute little laugh.
It was funny until he passed solids instead.
I’ll fill you in on the 5 year old later

what’d u call a guy with no arms and no legs on your wall?

what’d u call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of your door?

what’d u call a guy with no arms and no legs in your bushes?

what’d u call a guy with no arms and no legs water-skiing?

what’d u call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

(apologies to any Dopers without arms and legs)

My current pet project is making my own Silly Putty. Nope, not the “similar goo” things you can make out of glue and borax, but real, honest to god silicone-oil based stuff, just like the real thing. I’m having a little trouble actually getting a price from anyone for the ingredients, but I’ve found several chemical suppliers who carry what I think is the particular variant of silicon oil I need, in good-sized quantities with no minimum order.

It might be good to know at this point that I’m shopping for the chemicals in bulk. Like, say, enough to make roughly 50 gallons of Silly Putty.

Now, factor in that Silly Putty probably weighs 10 pounds a gallon, and that the average Silly Putty egg holds .47 ounces, and so you’re talking about 136,170 eggs worth of Silly Putty.

I’m trying to do this first, with smaller quantities, in order to perform mixing ratio tests, dye tests, and quality tests for the various silicone oils.

Then, the fun begins. I plan on finding someone like a pizza joint manager that wants to make a fast $100 for letting me use a huge mixer for about two hours, to make up 500 pounds worth of plain white silly putty, broken down into maybe 250 pounds of plain white, followed by 250 pounds of maybe 25 different colors.

Yes, I have a plan for what to do with this fucking huge amount of Silly Putty. No, I won’t tell you what it is. Yet.

Now that you know the rest of this, aren’t you sorry you asked?