I don’t know what country you’re in, but in the United States, many women use the following logic:
“1. It is a man’s job to pursue a woman, not the other way around.”
“2. If a man won’t pursue me, that means he’s either too cowardly to do so, or he’s not interested in me.”
“3. If a man won’t pursue me, then he’s someone I wouldn’t want to be with anyway.”
I’m not making this up. You can read a post to the following effect here:
brain explodes
A while ago I asked someone out. "She said “I don’t know.” Someone else said, “hey, did you ask B out?” I said that I did, but that she didn’t sound that interested. A little while later I hear (and I was 30 at this pint, not in junior high) “she wants to be pursued.” The following weekend it was too late. Playing games just wasn’t something I was willing to do. And I’m not implying that most women play games, but there are some in both genders who do.
**
I’d like to think that viewpoint of the minority of women. I’m definitely glad my wife didn’t. If she had, this “puss” might still be single.
I love how, according to the author of that article, first-world privilege and the digital age turn men into spineless “coños”, but doesn’t seem to do any damage to women. It’s like something I used to read occasionally back when smoking still had some vestigial respectability, namely that men must not do it because…and I forget what the exact issue was. But in essence it was just another item in the list of things that men must not say or do, but was fine for the opposite sex.
I had plenty of crushes in high school, but as far as I know, no-one crushed on me. (I had no dates or much of a social life through high school, and was pretty much convinced of my unattractiveness, so I mostly kept to myself.)
There was one girl in grade eight, though, who called me up at home one day and asked me out. I politely brushed her off, thinking that she was somehow making fun of me. Much later, I connected with her on Facebook, and after thirty years, she still remembered. She lives far overseas now though…
In university I never got the sense of anyone crushing on me, though there was the One I Should Have Asked Out, and another who I wonder about in hindsight: she came all the way out to Whitby to visit me at my parent’s place.
Only after I entered electronics school did something like this occur. I was a DJ on the school’s ceiling-speaker “radio” station, trying to turn it into another CFNY, and at the end of the year, an unknown girl came up to me and said, “You’re my favourite DJ”…I never saw her before or since, so who knows.
Well, I was once a crushee and the (attractive) girl at long last made it known but I still messed up.
Back in 1989 I was an exchange student in Canada for a couple of months. From the very first days I started going school there, there was this girl in one of my classes who was always hanging around my group of friends although they hardly knew her. She was pretty but I thought that she was just being friendly.
Now, there was another girl, in my French class. She was pretty and friendly, too and quite bright. Since my mother tongue is French, she took the opportunity to practice and talked with me as often as possible. Of course, I got a crush on her.
Towards the end of my stay, I went bowling with several people I had met at school, including both girls (it was kind of an informal farewell party). The girl who was in my French class started talking to me about the other girl, telling me that she was interested in me and that I should go and sit next to her, talk to her, you know, do something. Meanwhile, said crushee was shyly looking at me from the corner of her eye. My answer: “Oh but it’s you I’m interested in!”:smack:. While her father, sitting right behind her, was laughing awkwardly :smack::smack:. This went on for a while.
Net result: zero date.
When we were driving back home, my friends asked me why I hadn’t done anything with “the girl with the crush”. I started making lame excuses: “I’m leaving in a few days” (“So what?”), “There’s this other girl back home.” (“She told you that she was seeing someone else on the phone a few weeks ago, remember ?”), “I’m more interested in the girl from my French class.” (“Now, you’re being silly.”)
For the HS/undergrad cohort, I’d feel safe to presume that level of silliness.
When we got engaged about seven guys approached my wife to tell her they had always found her attractive and had wanted to go out with her. Many right in front of me. Not sure why they waited until she was safely spoken for to speak up but she was pretty put out thinking of all the nights she sat at home while all these guys secretly wanting to take her out. :dubious:
After a few PMs with the “crusher”…oh man, I really missed the boat on this one. You’d think if you’re sitting in school, and she’s in the same room, you’d catch her staring or at least glancing over at you. But I never did. Not a single time ever!
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