Well there is a debate over whether Asperger’s and autisim are the same thing.
Also, I do think docs and professionals and people need to use Asperger’s as an exclusion dx.
Nowadays it seems like anyone with a social defiect is automaticly labeled as Aspie. People tend to forget that conditions like learnign disabilites, ADD, other nereological conditions can also cause social issues.
But the obession with statistics does seem like a red flag.
She’s in therapy and taking medication. Don’t try making suggestions to “help her get better.” First of all, she’s been in treatment for years and is already getting plenty of suggestions! Second of all, she is not going to “get better,” but she is trying to learn to cope with her situation.
I agree with the others who said she sounds like there is more than just Asperger’s going on. But that, too, is just a side-note to your relationship. You are friends and her diagnosis should not affect your relationship, except to give you some insight into why she behaves the way she does.
Thanks for the advice and the kind words. I think I will try not to help her so much as others have suggested. I’m sure her therapist is doing all he/she can. Mine never seems to help anyway 
A lot of you have mentioned that changing my behavior towards her may be seen as condescending. I agree, yet it’s hard to not say something now that the cat’s out of the bag. It’s the proverbial elephant in the room. For example, a few weeks ago when we hung out, she was complaining about some random people we passed by in the streets. They were doing something or other, and she was annoyed at what she thought was their pointless behavior and how she didn’t understand why they were doing that.
Right away, my first thought was “Well that’s because you have Asperger’s.” I know that’s wrong, and before I found out about her condition, I may have said “Well that’s because you’re crazy.” Now I can’t say that. In fact, I didnt’ say anything at all, it was really uncomfortable. I kept waiting for her to say, “Oh yeah, that’s because I have Asperger’s and that’s why I don’t understand why they were doing what probably was perfectly reasonable.” But she didnt’ say that.
A quote from Seinfeld kind of sums up the situation I’m in:
I’m not saying that she’s a freak, but I cannot get this balancing act between commenting on it and not commenting on it down just yet. So many things she says I could realistically respond with “Because you have Asperger’s” that I’m finding myself thinking about everything before I say it to her. Usually we just talk about something else other than medical stuff but sometimes it creeps in.
I feel like Jerry when he dates Winona, the Native American, and he catches himself saying all these things that may offend her.
I feel like Jerry now when I’m around her.
CMYK, you took the words out of my mouth! You have described my son, to a T. Unfortunately, we just thought that he was just painfully shy/socially awkward. We thought he would just outgrow it. We had read that when someone has a high IQ, socially, they tend to be a bit behind. We worked hard to help him, to no avail. It wasn’t until his Senior year in HS, that the actual diagnosis was made. I’ll spare you the details, but once the diagnosis was made, and medicine given, he changed almost overnight. There still is LOTS and LOTS of work to be done, but wow… did the medicine help him overcome many obstacles!
Yes, ADD, etc is overdiagnosed, in my opinion, but that is all it is, an opinion!!! I am NOT a doctor, but as a parent, I know what is normal social awkwardness, and what is a different problem all together.
Autistic folks are pretty easy to spot, as you’ve mentioned. Sometimes the label is thrown around carelessly and therefore tends to lose its meaning…like when you hear that one out of every 150 children is so diagnosed. That’s an unfortunate overgeneralization. Autistic Spectrum disorder would be more accurate, I think.
Even so, Asperger’s is real. There is a qualitative difference between the way on person with the disorder enters into conversation/social interaction. Often it is difficult to “put your finger on it”, so to speak. There is often a lack of reciprocal eye contact, monotone or pedantic speech, an apparent inability to appreciate the interests or the other, an absent sense of humor, and other features. It is much broader than simply “social awkardness”. There surely is an overlap of Aspergers with “nerdy”, techonologically-minded folks, but only a minority of them would have the disorder.
They also tend to be pretty concrete/literal in their thinking, and usually have some preoccupation or area of focused interest that they spend lots of time pursuing.
Upthread someone mentioned that it seemed more a psychological disorder than a mental/emotional one? I think what’s being implied is that Apsies don’t necessarily find themselves disordered or suffering left to their own devices, but it is when the must interact with people on a day-to-day basis that problems arise.
Actually I think they were referring to the mood swings re: bipolar disorder. A person can have both Asperger’s and bipolar (or anything else)!!
p.s. – But you are right, it can very very stressful for them to interact with people. (My son has it.)
I hope your son is doing well. Middle school seems to be the hardest place for many of them.
Yes, Asperger’s can be comorbid with other disorders, and it those which are medicated, in my experience.
I am not aware of medications being used specifically to treat any Autistic Spectrum disorder.
I think it’s a good sign that you are worrying so much about this. But you are definitely overthinking it. You were already friends before, so what you would have said to her before you knew is most likely not going to bother her. you’ve been her friend for 5 years. You already know a lot about her, including what you shouldn’t say that would make her upset. Trust those instincts.
The other advice I can give is that she’ll likely not be offended if you flat out ask her about the disorder, and what sort of things she finds offensive. Don’t assume that she’ll find any and all mentions of it offensive. Heck, the Aspies I’ve met often like to know that what they are thinking has to do with their disorder.
But if you are sure she won’t want to talk about it, it’s really not that hard to come up with other things to say. One I’ve found useful is actually answering the implied question. It doesn’t matter if someone has Asperger’s or not; when they say they don’t understand something, they likely want an explanation. In fact, if she goes to a therapist, she’s probably used to such comments eliciting a possible explanation.
There’s other advice I could give you, but I think you’d be better off doing what has already worked for 5 years than constantly thinking about what you should say and how you should react. Just be as direct as possible, and you’ll likely be fine.
"They were doing something or other, and she was annoyed at what she thought was their pointless behavior and how she didn’t understand why they were doing that.
Right away, my first thought was “Well that’s because you have Asperger’s.” I know that’s wrong, and before I found out about her condition, I may have said “Well that’s because you’re crazy.” Now I can’t say that. "
Well, I have Aspergers’, and while being called crazy would offend me (we are painfully sane, unfortunately), being told ‘that’s because you have A.S.’ would not offend me at all- I’d like to know other people realise why I am having problems and remind me that they understand why I react the way I do.
You need to sit down and talk with your friend, and simply ASK what she wants you to do with the information. Does she like talking about A.S. and what it means for her? Most of us do!
All she probably wants from you is a continuation of your previous friendship, and a recognition that she is different for legitimate reasons. We are so often labelled ‘attention seekers’ or ‘difficult’, as though we choose to stand out like easy prey.
Asperger zombies, what kind of brains do they eat…
I’ve since had a few talks with her about the subject. The thing she wants over and over is for me to treat her the same way, so I’ve kinda slowly gone back to my crass and offensive needling 
That doesn’t seem to bother her too much, though I think a few times I took it too far. But overall I’m happy to report we’re getting along just fine like we used to. Thanks for all the help from people in this thread!
They go for the brain but end up being distracted by the eyeballs?