^funny^
Rather luckily, no, since in Michigan, in an average county on an average night, there are five car-deer crashes per night to be investigated by deputies. The closest I ever came was in Quebec, where I skidded to a stop less than ten feet (trois metres) from a puzzled moose.
I think I killed at least 20 or 30 jackrabbits one night on a single drive from Marathon TX to Big Bend NP. They wee crossing the road like grasshoppers.
I did my best to make deer pancakes Thurs night. There was a Jersey barrier to my left & a car to my right, & all of a sudden, an already deceased deer in my lane of the interstate. ("kathunkathunk")
I went for a walk last night, there were 7 deer across the residential street eating my neighbors grass less than 20 yards away from where I was walking; some didn’t even bother to look up at me as they’re so used to people.
The Mr.Wrekker does his best to kill all his limit, at deer season every year to keep me alive, But they just keep coming. I swear they breed like rabbits around here. We had a doe coming close to the house this past spring with triplets. Yeah and she’s the same doe who ate my bedding plants down to the ground, extra hungry with that brood, I guess!
I’ve vehicularly killed numerous squirrels. I hit a dog once, it bounced off the front bumper of my '95 Ford Probe, but don’t think I killed it. It got up and ran away and I drove around looking for it, but never found it. And I was in the car with my aunt when she ran over a rabbit. She didn’t kill it outright, so she felt it her duty to back over it and finish the job. She screamed bloody murder the whole time.
I’ve shot birds before. And just today, I’ve been beating myself up over inadvertently killing one of our roosters. He had turned into a real asshole about two weeks ago, pecking the bloody shit out of one of our hens, so we sequestered him to a cage next to our chicken run. I’d been meaning to bring him to the processor, but have been busy. Well, it got pretty dang cold here in west Michigan last night…
So sorry, Violet. You deserved better.
Oh, aye.
One Less Deer in Saskatchewan last Night
(Well, Mrs Piper was driving and I was shotgun; close enough.)
((Especially with the blood on the windshield that upset the Piper Cub.))
After over 45 years of driving, I’ve killed plenty of critters. Not intentionally, of course, but you could feed a good sized party on the road kill I’ve made.
My deer kill, however, wasn’t abrupt. I was able to watch it happen, and even think about it.
Driving to work one morning, on a 4 lane divided highway. A handful of us were somewhat bunched up from the previous stoplight. I was the first car in the right lane, traveling about 58-60 in a 55 zone. Everybody was moving along nice and steady, no drama, just a bunch of people going to work in the morning light, maybe 30, 45 minuets after sunup.
I see the deer come over a fence across the grassy shoulder heading for the other side of the road. I hit the brakes, sure, but know a full panic stop or sudden lane change might cause a big wreck. And I do slow down quite a bit. And the deer sees us, and starts to turn away to his right.
I slow down just enough to not kill the deer outright, but I still hit him hard enough to fold him in half, and break his back. The front legs are still running, the back legs, not so much.
Several people stop, we pull the deer out of the road onto the shoulder, they give names and phone numbers to be witnesses, but have to get to work, and depart.
I call the police, motorcycle officer comes, and expends 1 each 9mm round from his service weapon, and remarks that we both were officially having a bad day.
With the deer and clear animal damage to the car, no witnesses were needed, but I still called them later to say ‘thanks’.
I hit a rat when I was cycling, once.
And a dog hit my car - seriously. I was driving slowly down a road in Bracknell, England.
A guy in a car going the other way looked past me to my left. I looked left, and a mid-sized dog was running at full speed out of a car park. Hit the brakes, but there was a thump before I stopped. I got out to see how badly I had hit the dog. Nothing at the front of the car. On the left side of the car was a small dent and a dog-ish shaped clean patch. Way down the road I could see the back end of the dog still running down the footpath.
And then there was my daughter. She worked in a pub in Winchester, and we lived about 20 minutes away. She would get home about 2am. One night, I hear her park across the road, rapid feet into the house, in the door and up the stairs. Our door burst open, and she’s in the room doing “Dad, dad” and crying. I was out of bed and giving her a hug, and I asked what was wrong …
“Daddy, daddy, I hit a fox”
Relief - nothing major.
“There, there. Don’t worry about it. They are stupid animals and no harm done”
More tears …
“Daddy, daddy, it’s stuck in the grill”
Ewww - I’m gonna need a bin bag and a torch.
But still no big deal.
Even more tears …
“Daddy … it’s still alive …”
Argh. I’m gonna need a bin bag, a torch, and a tyre iron.
Fortunately, by the time I got all those things together and crossed the road to the car, the stupid animal had pulled itself out of the grill and vanished into someone elses garden to die. No longer my problem.
I guess because cows are owned property, and so you’re expected to pursue a liability claim against the cow’s owner?
Deer are bad enough in cars. I know a number of people who have hit deer on motorcycles (have had a few close calls myself). :eek:
I’m informed that in Australia, kangaroos are the problem rather than deer.
Really, Dopers?
If your post had stopped right there, you might have left readers with the potential for shocking misinterpretation.
I have hit a coyote, a raccoon, a few squirrels, a rabbit and a very large rattlesnake (yes, I know the last one is not a mammal). Only the rattlesnake was intentional.
It is only by luck that I have never hit a deer because they are practically unavoidable when they decide to become suicidal out of nowhere. The closest I ever came was just after I picked my then 2 year old daughter up from daycare and was driving down a rural road in the dark Massachusetts winter in my SUV. I caught a glimpse and swerved just as a large doe jumped in front of me and barely missed. I know you aren’t suppose to swerve but it was instinctive and it worked in that case.
Cars and deer do not mix. Actually, a whole lot of things and deer do not mix. The last time I checked, they directly cause about 200 deaths a year in the U.S. alone due to accidents and literally billions worth of vehicle damage. They also spread serious diseases, especially Lyme disease. Bambi was a propaganda film. Thank a deer hunter the next time you see one. They are performing a valuable public service.
You don’t suppose that naming a male “Violet” had anything to do with him being kinda stabby, do ya? 
Luckily I haven’t smashed into any deer yet, though there have been multiple close calls, especially during the rut (remember gentle readers, it’s never a good idea to drive a doe-colored car).
I think the first mammal I took out was a raccoon that almost won an encounter with the Chevy Vega I was driving. Then there was the memorable occasion in South Dakota when a bird flew into my right headlamp and wedged itself in there, flapping wildly post-mortem (and grossing out Mrs. J.) until I could pull over and dislodge it.
The OP should beware of armadillos, which seem to exist in order to become highway pancakes, and which I hear are quite thick in parts of Quebec due to climate change.
I know someone who recently speared a deer while in his motorcycle. I’m told it was pretty gross; he must have hit it broadside behind the rib cage because he (and the bike) ended up covered with some soggy deer inside parts. stayed on the bike, though, ended up with a broken hand, deep bruising on a leg, and a totaled bike.
a deer isn’t likely to trip the impact sensors; the bulk of its mass is above the bumper of most cars. And the RCM probably didn’t record enough of a deceleration to call for airbag deployment. probably for the best; if the airbags aren’t needed then they shouldn’t be deployed. Not least which is they aren’t gentle to you, but also because the passenger airbag tends to bust up parts of the dash when it deploys as well.
I’ve run over a groundhog, literally. I was on the rural road that was by my home in Carson City when it ran out of the bushes then froze in the middle of the lane. I aimed so the center of my auto passed over him, not the tires, but there was this loud thump right by my feet that I felt through the floorpan. It was a phenomenon quite unlike the other small mammals I’ve squished and I figured it had panicked and jumped straight up.
Anyway, when I looked in the mirror, it was lying on its back, undistorted, with its four paws up in the air – all that was missing was a lily clutched in its front paws. When I came back from town an hour later it was gone so it was probably just KOed temporarily. It was the wrong time of day for a coyote to come along and the ravens would have been dining al fresco.
Now, if you want sheer volume… When I depart Burning Man, it’s about two in the morning so it’s dark all 70 miles or so down to I-80 In the Survival Guide that’s put out every year, people are specifically warned to not try and dodge the suicidal jack rabbits; the chances of wrecking are too great, especially if you’re driving an unfamiliar heavily laden or trailer-pulling vehicle. In the eight years previously though, I had not seen a single bunny on the trip down. Then last year there was a bumper crop or something. There were jillions of red eyes glowing at me in the darkness every time there was a curve, and a rabbit darting across every few seconds. Every minute or so, one would mistime it’s dash and there would be another thump. I stopped counting at forty, and that was less than halfway down.
This year, back to normal – not a critter to be seen.
I was on the bike trail riding thru a bad part of town when a squirrel ran into my front wheel & almost knocked me over; there was another squirrel chasing it; I think they were together & the second one was going to steal my wallet. :dubious:
I also saw this nasty crash this morning. Hint: Skip to about 24 seconds. Then notice the handlebars & stem landing, detached from the bike @ about 28 sec. Even if the rider wasn’t hurt, that’s serious impact to do that & no, he couldn’t just fix that up roadside.
Worst would have been the time I was riding as a passenger in the truck we used to haul lab units out to drilling sites. We were on some mountain road in Colorado and, coming around a hairpin curve, at least a half-dozen deer came down the hillside at a gallop and ran onto the road right in front of us. There was no chance to even slow down and we hit four or five of them. I had quite a view of a tangle of deer limbs tumbling over the embankment to the right. There was nothing to do for them, so we pulled out a caved-in fender and went on.
I lightly grazed a deer on a deserted, icy road in western Wyoming one time. I was going about fifty at the time and if I’d hot the brakes hard, likely would have spun into the ditch. Caught the critter’s back leg and spun him around, but he got up apparently uninjured, gave me a “what the hell, dude” look and ran off.
Otherwise, I’ve dispatched a bunch of squirrels, couple of rabbits, a possum, and one or two birds. No pets, than Og.
I’ve told the story before, but many years ago when I was learning to fly I killed a rabbit in midair with a Cessna.
Airports unsurprisingly have lots of small critters: open spaces, lot of tallish grass, and no larger predators.
So I’m landing one day and I’m a few seconds from landing when I spot a jackrabbit sitting on the runway just ahead, just beyond where I’m aiming to touch down. Being a benevolent sort, I adjust my aim up a bit intending to fly over him at a couple feet of altitude and set down past him.
I was still a foot or so above the runway when he gets Cuisinarted and sprayed all over the airplane including the windshield. He must’ve jumped straight up. Oops.
It was one heck of a mess to wash off.
I *think *that when small critters suddenly see a shadow looming overhead they assume it’s a bird of prey about to snatch them. Jumping straight up is a way to foil the bird’s aim regardless of which direction it’s coming from. It might work against hawks, but apparently it doesn’t work against cars or airplanes.
The first one is always the hardest, it gets easier from here on 