One of my earliest memories from reading these forums,maybe 20 years ago:
The post began with the sentence:
“I usually keep my bladder in the refrigerator”.
It was posted in a thread about running and jogging, and how to keep hydrated. The bladder referred to was, of course, a camelbak backpack with a drinking tube. 
“I am getting pretty damn bored with this orgasm!”
Last spring, on my allotment (I think the US word is “Community garden”)
To the allotment manager: “Got any use for half a magpie?”
Explanation: prepping the beds for the year, I came across a single feather sticking out of the ground. The manager watched me dig out a snack that a fox with a small appetite had left for later.
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I was once playing make-believe with my very young son, and he was pretending he owned a cruise ship. He invited me to come aboard, but said, “No pets.” I frowned and said that I didn’t think I could come on the cruise if I couldn’t bring along my invisible stoat, Clement. He thought, sighed and said, “Invisible stoats are allowed.”
I bust up every time I remember this:
From this thread:
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=8978466#
“Do we have any human eggs left?”
Asked by my wife. Although I knew exactly what she meant, I had to reply
“Dear, you’re in charge of that department.”
Just yesterday I wrote “I got the schedule from the rat sitter, and confirmed that I can meet you for lunch on Tuesday.”
“Did someone give this snake a diuretic?”
(Snake pee: the gift that keeps on dripping).
“Ben held Bob’s head while I gave him (Bob) an enema in a warm tub of water today.” Bob was a six foot long boa. Ben was my 12ish year old kid.
This sentence appeared today in a news story about the Thai boys rescued from a cave:
He trained for a decade as a Buddhist monk before turning to football.
Should I be concerned about your use of the past tense when identifying Bob and Ben?
Do tell us asap that Ben isn’t in Bob.
Or vice versa.
“You can only do so much when you have a bag over your head”
I honestly don’t remember the situation, but I have a list of odd/humorous comments on my phone.
“Stop the car. I need to piss and you should put your pants on.”
As Chef on South Park pointed out, there’s a time and place for everything…and that time and place is college.
“The emergency backup dragon is dead again.”
Please tell us exactly what she meant by it? Are you planning a new little excavator?
