I’m trying to causally work the above into a conversation somehow- “So anyway, we were out walking the iguana when such-and-such occurred”- because how often do you get to start a sentence like that? Unfortunately, nothing really worth talking about actually happened while walking said iguana. So instead, I’m going to start a thread asking y’all what bizarre sentences you could legitimately say. Thread winner gets a shiny [del]new[/del] gently-used Internet. And one iguana leash.
just out of curiosity, do you really have an iguana?
I had my beloved dachshund Nathan buried at the pet cemetery. Mostly it’s dogs and cats, with a few rabbits. but there is one stone with the words “To my beloved iguana” with the lizard engraved on it. The critter has been gone for over ten years but I still se flowers being placed on the grave.
Not me, personally, but the camp petting zoo I work at does.
I say, make up an iguana… then make up the rest of the story:
“… and Ryan turns to, I guess it was his wife… Blake?, and says ‘Why don’t WE have an iguana?’ and the wife, quick as a wink, has his arm up behind his back and he’s hurting and manages to gasp ‘I know, I know, ouch, I promised…’ ‘Promised WHAT?’ At this point he’s down on the ground. ‘Promised never to bring home an emu that was stolen from a meth lab… ow, OW… okay, any weird animal.’ And she let him up, he gave me a sheepish look, and they walked off.”
I was out walking the iguana…
when it hit me. LIZZARDS ARE PEOPLE TOO!!!:eek:
I once wrote the sentence, “I hope the neighbours didn’t mind hearing Stevie Wonder songs on the alto clarinet.”
Do iguanas even have any kind of personality? Do they interact with their owners in any way?
Yeah, to some degree. It’s just IMHO a kinda watered-down personality relative to most common pet bird or mammal species.
They anecdotally seem able to recognize specific individuals and personalities can range from outright mean, to just nervous and touchy, to some who actually seem to enjoy being handled. A bonded pet iguana can come to enjoy being stroked by their owner, but will absolutely refuse to be handled by strangers. And of course I’ve met one who seemed little more than a semi-animate rock - you could almost pose him like a doll and he never seemed to notice or care. In my somewhat limited experience and based on discussions with other folks who have kept them, iguanas vary a fair bit in temperament from individual to individual.
I work in child care, so I hear a lot of weird sentences. One that cracked me up today was: “Andy! I have already asked you twice to stop chewing on your pants.”
Based on my sample size of one, very much so. The iguana is the most (platonically) affectionate animal there.
I said this yesterday “Look, the horse has put on her jewelry again.”
A young mare stalled next to the grooming bay likes to dip her head under one of the loose crossties and stand there wearing it like a necklace. It’s draped over her ears and hanging down the side of her face. She does this all the time for attention - she’s such a clown.
George Carlin: *“Please saw my legs off”, “Hand me that piano”, and , “Do what you want to the girl, but Leave. Me. Alone!” *(from the Toledo Window Box album)
At the late, lamented Kelbo’s restaurant in Santa Monica: ‘We could have two dwarves roasting a nun over an open fire.’
From my Egyptian travel journal this spring: “Getting back on the Titanic to cross the Nile and go home for lunch…”
The Titanic was the name of the colorful little boat my tour group used to cross the Nile at Luxor to get over to the Valley of the Kings & other sites.
One day last fall or thereabouts, I said the following to my SO(maybe not verbatim but close enough): “I pushed the alligator out of the way to get to the fish.”
For some reason that gave him the image of me battling a reptilian leviathan for access to a flounder, and it cracked him up.
The reality was that I had hooked a flounder while fishing in my kayak, and as I reeled it close to me I saw out of the corner of my eye an alligator making double-time toward the fish. It came within a foot of my kayak just as the flounder was almost in reach of my net, so I bumped it on the back with the butt-end of my net, pushing it down and off-trajectory, and reached out to scoop up the flounder. Dinner was saved(mine, not the alligator’s).
Oh, and the monstrous 'gator was all of three feet long.
“I love my daughter, but the Zamboni is gaining on her.”
One year for my birthday, my wife arranged for me to ride on a Zamboni, a unique and ultra-cool (to me) birthday gift. It was my favorite birthday present ever until my seventh child (a daughter, obviously, as seen in the sentence above) was born the day before my 37th birthday. At times that she misbehaved, I’d say the above line, meaning (in jest, of course) she’s still my favorite birthday present, but not quite as far ahead of the Zamboni ride as she had been when well-behaved.
. . . we passed by George H.W. Bush, who gave me a knowing wink and passed me a card with an address on it. . . :eek:
My job is turning out to be great for rare sentences:
“I’m wearing a crown of snakes!”
I ask my brother how he’s doing.
“Not so good. I hit a kangaroo with my car.”
"So I scoop up a handful of raw anti-matter and shot a glare at Scotty, taunting, "You wanna play catch, fat boy?""