George Carlin used to have a routine on this topic. His example was “As soon as I ram this hot poker up my ass, I’ll cut my dick off.” What word combinations have you made that have never been put together before? Here’s my latest example, said to my girlfriend:
“The alien needs another crotch-candle!”
(Please restrict your responses to things you actually said in conversation with another human being)
Intresting thread. If a little strange.
I’m sure I’ve said some weird things to people in my life. I just can’t remember what they were. I expect the recipient of strange sentences is more likely to remember them than the utterer.
Also from Carlin:
“Please saw my legs off.”
“Hand me that piano.”
“Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!”
My favorite from the SDMB:
It was pointed out that this would have been completely incomprehensible just a few years ago.
Once when I was half asleep, my husband asked me something and I responded with “I can’t help right now I have to get the little monkey some beer” :eek: and I had no idea what I said untill he started lauhing and I woke up and asked him WTF?? Then we both laughed about it.
Then, another time we were being silly and making up nonsense stuff with geologic terms, we came up with “the bifracation of the manadnock has led to the pleochroism of the situation”
Fair enough. Feel free to include overheard phrases!
I keep asking myself, “why do I keep forgetting my tooth comb?”
To my fiance, in response to him asking if I had fed the dog that night (I had just woken up from a nap, and still wasn’t all fully there)
“Yeah, I gave him a big bowl of Tylenol.”
Thaw four fat vats for Thor.
Courtesy of my wife: “Yeah, I was snoring like a light”.
Also, I’m the one who has to get her out of bed in the morning, and every now and then I’ll hear an interesting, still-half-asleep story about how she can’t get up yet because she has to go get the root beer for the elephants and if she doesn’t then the television won’t deliver any oranges this week. Or something like that.
“Don’t just sit there, come on over and join the party”
Said by me to my then boyfriend now husband a few days after my big back surgery. We were alone in a darkened hospital room, he was sitting by the window so he could see well enough to read (I think). I was in so much pain that … well let’s not think about that.
At this particular point I had a lot of morphine and no one had tried to make me move for a while. All the fun star-animals had come to hang out, invited by my good friend and guardian, the big red star horse. We were having a blast. And my poor sweetie was just sitting and reading his book.
In High School:
As my friend and I walked out of Mayfair market, he was eating a handful of candies or something. I said ‘where did you get those?’ He said, ‘the sign said four-ninety-five a dozen, but I didn’t have a dozen, so I just took some!’
Funny in it’s own right and because I thought you said ‘candles’
How about something along the lines of:
Nice mohawk, Father Kelly!
I said this today with my friends at lunch. I don’t know why, it just popped out. My teeth are blue because I lost a fight with a red pen..
Just two nights ago my boyfriend came to bed and said I love you and I said “I love you too, even if I do use disposable cameras.”
I hate waking up just enough to know that theres no good reason whatever I’m saying should be coming out of my mouth…
Another midnight mumble was “Thanks for making salads” Odd because I hate salad with a firey passion. In the dream, the salads weren’t for me, but…
Sleeptalking is evil.
I have found myself saying things that I never thought a person should have to say, but I have a feeling that other parents have had to say them as well. Things along the lines of “it isn’t polite to poke strangers in the crotch with your crayons” and “mashed potatoes don’t belong in our ears” and so on.
What OpalCat said - sometimes some truly surreal stuff comes out of my face because of the children. Gallagher (shut up, I thought he ruled when I was 13) used the sentence, as demonstration, “Who put Vicks on the Cheez-Its?”
My very favorite so far is “Don’t hit people with Superman.”
I came to this thread because it was suggested that a sentence in my Pit thread would fit in: “Cock-chugging poison ivy.”
Making new and unusual sentences or phrases is a hobby of mine, too. But I took a Linguistics class some time ago and we were told that aside from stock utterances (like “Hi, Opal!”), there are so many possible sentences that can be formed in English that every sentence you speak has probably never been said before.
“My ass needs to stay in touch with the proletariat.” – Me the other day. It was even more fun because I was talking to people I had just met.