“Rama-lama-ding-dong, motherfucker!”
Invented by me, delivered to perfection by my friend. Usually involves speeding away in a car after use. 
We were in the car a few weeks ago, driving home from somewhere. There was a brief lull in the conversation, when this exchange took place:
my wife - “I wish I had a zebra!”
me- “What?!?”
her - “Oh, Did I say that out loud?”
She really does wish she had a zebra, but that’s a story for a different thread.
Said a few years ago, by me to my daughter: “Take the naked clown out of your mouth or you’ll have to wear the cow of shame.” I happened to be on the phone with my boss at the time.
Said to me by someone about his girlfriend: “You know, there’s a very fine line between adoration and disgust.”
When I was a kid I had made up a bowl of oatmeal. I had set it down somewhere and then forgot where I left it. My mom asked me what I was looking for and I told her, “I can’t find my oatmeal.” Having spoken this sentence, it always struck me as something most people have never said. The next morning I did find it- by stepping in it (not that I would have eaten it at that point). I had left the bowl on the floor by the TV in the den.
When I saw this title, I thought of this:
Squidward: “I’ve never had a Crabby Patty, and I never will”
SpongeBob: (flipping furiously through a dictionary) “Is it possible to use those words in one sentence?”
I was oninewith a friend. His cousin was athishouse at the time, and the two of us don’t get along all that well. My friend was pasing me insults from his cousin, so I replied with “Tell him to go fuck flying featherdusters.”
if you’re looking for things actually said, one of my friend’s favorite phrases when he didn’t understand what somone said was “Who put the what in the where now?”
A friend of ours sat up in bed and sleep-spoke a sentence that stands far and away above any of my night-time utterances:
“You can’t do that – you’d have Cows of Darkness cheek-by-jowl with Cows of Light!”
For Christmas that year I gave him one of those “mooing” cans (Cows of Darkness) and a string of cattle-shaped lights (Cows of Light).
I was at a party, eating some pecan pie that someone I had never met before had made. I told her that it was “just the right side of horrible”.
Here’s one courtesy of the above quote:
At first, I read it as “His cousin was a shithouse at the time”
Thanks Lobsang for reminding me it was candies I thought candles, too. :rolleyes:
she sat up one day whilst sleeping as said, “When you sit in a chair backwards, everything else is turned around.” No more profound words have ever been said. 
I am informed that I occasionally talk in my sleep.
Once I woke up a former close friend by shouting, “Stop the boiling water!” Upon being awoken and asked why the boiling water needed to be stopped, I replied, “Because it cuts down on my travel time.”
No idea.
Regards,
Shodan
There was actually a (more or less) reasonable explanation for this statement, but it’s so much better totally out of context. I once heard a friend say:
“Nevertheless, if I were to eat any part of a dead cheerleader, I would want it cooked!”
“Monkey… Monkey! Get off of her!”
“Look at this hole in my ass”
Most anything said in a roleplaying session.
said by me, “If I was Christopher Walken, I’d be good in bed”
by my mother, “Why would I all of a sudden be thinking of rhesus monkies?”
I once said, as my dad tried to wake me up, “The doorknob has been greased… with CHICKEN FAT!”
It made sense in the context of the dream I was having, which is why I’m not going to relate the dream.
Programmers will understand this one:
“Hey! I just figured out the difference between and and and and!”
True!
[sub]my programming is rusty, but, one is modifying data ("and"ing it), the other is a comparrison operator.[/sub]
In response to the old “my name’s [Lobsang], what’s your disability?”
I said “I don’t have a dillability”
Many years that phrase got repeated. But I’d always reply with something the friend said - “I wouldn’t show my nothing”
(He had said this once after watching a cartoon where a character lifted a straw dress to reveal… nothing)