Sentences Never Before Spoken

In My Humble Opinion
41

One more, and slightly off topic as it involves a word probably uttered before many times.

We were walking in woods, I was wearing new shoes. I accidentally stood in a deep muddy hole. I looked down at my shoes and said “wrecked them”

Which, in a heartbeat, triggered both our brains, being the type of people we are, to register this as a word that when said sounds exactly the same as what I had just said - ‘rectum’.

This being such an utterly ‘left field’ word to say in the circumstances made it the result of a good 20 minutes hard laughing.

42

uttered by me, in all it’s upsetting sincerity, “nurse, I think you’re going to have to put the catheter back in.”

43

“Classy move by Bonaduce”

44

From my daugher, when she was 5:

“You’re as lazy as a popcorn!”

45

Hurry! Hurry!

Or the snails will catch up to us.

46

When I was about three, I told my parents “I can only see with half an eye”

47

I’d have to nominate the Pit thread from earlier this year: “Woohoo-I am masturbating like a motherfuck!”

48

I once explained to some classmates that a character in something we’d read had done something “breathtakingly stupid,” and they seemed amazed that I’d put those two words together.

49

Role playing games lead to some seriously screwed up conversation.

actual example from memory from a superheros game.

“Okay, I’m gonna turn into mercury, and fly an acid missle up the giant alien Robot’s ass, …oh wait I can’t change form anymore because of the Venutian lava king’s curse.”

50

Heheh, it’s not mine, but I bet until it was posted here, nobody had ever said “I burning your dog!” before…

51

Heard at the dinner table tonight:

“I’m going to get to work with Anthrax, I’m so excited!”

(Note to nervous nellies: This is at a federally funded lab, the speaker will be going thru an FBI background check, and will have to wear a “spacesuit” while working in the Anthrax lab.)

52

I know that’s not a “never before spoken” one because I, for one, use the phrase “breathtakingly stupid” on a regular basis.

53

“…and the pubic hair was the icing on the cake.”

-said by me, while explaining a decoration that I had created for my house.

54

Bravo Mangetout! After the nonpareil brilliance of your “Mr Austin Wemba” thread I should have known you’d be a Fry & Laurie fan.

To this thread I can add a friend’s 10-year-old son who, as his mother was trying to wake him up for school, protested “I’m much too flammable to go to Maui!”

55

One from racinchikki that I will never, ever, ever forget:

DO NOT PUT THE GRAPES IN THE DOG’S ANUS!

And if I may toot my own horn just a bit:

As Jim is violating this tranquilized, bound mermaid, so must you tranquilize, bind and… no… so must you violate… no… God DAMN it, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEGUE INTO THE DAMNED PLUG FOR MUTUAL OF FCKING OMAHA LIFE INSURANCE WITH YOU PORKING THE MERMAID!?*

56

Whilst not as dandy as some of the mechanisms already established, I do have these to offer:

When discussing an art-house film with friends in which the men were being berated for whinging about the promise, but lack of, a lesbian sex scene by our wives, I managed, “I love the way women pretend not to like lesbian porn” (some then agreed). :stuck_out_tongue:

but perhaps my favourite occurs when you meet a friend newly done up and remark that they - “look as flash as a rat with a gold tooth!” :smiley:

enjoy…enjoin…in Joy.