Alright, it wasn’t funny then. I’m sorry. I presumed incorrectly that the sarcasm would be noticeable.
Maybe you should send him a White Elephant package? innocent look
I too have wondered what it takes to be welcomed by Uncle Cecil. Last thme he posted was around the time I joined the SD back in July.
Way to drive him off the boards, Mudshark! You ninny.
Perhaps we can appeal to his wallet?
If Cecil greets me I will buy 3 of his books from the website. And if it’s a real nice greeting for me, I’ll buy all 5.
That is The Straight Dope, More of the Straight Dope and Return of the Straight Dope. And if it’s really nice also The Straight Dope Tells All and Triumph of the Straight Dope.
Swear to whomever I pray to.
You know, it’s the darndest thing. Just as I hit send I think of something else to put in. And despite my post count I still have yet to learn that no matter how fast I move my mouse from send to stop I can’t beat the PC. sigh.
After doing some searching, I joined on 7-30-01, and Cecil’s last post was 7-27-01. So I’m glag i couldn’t have driven him away.
Esprix, I’ve tried getting Cecil’s attention twice before. I think aha went through three or four threads before finally getting acknowledged. I think what we need is a combined effort.
Pleading’s been done, puppy threatening’s been done. What haven’t we tried? I have a theory:
I don’t think Cecil has the guts to show up here. He’s afraid. I may even add to my sig line a bit about how cowardly Cecil is. He makes so few appearances because he knows if he stuck around for too long, people would see him for the no-talent hack that he is.
People post about the “Great Cecil” and “bow at the altar of Cecil.” Why should he show up when doing so would show him as just being human? He’s like the Wizard of Oz, hiding behind a curtain while the uninformed cower and quake in the light of his knowledge. Cecil’s afraid to come out from behind his curtain.
[sub]There, now let’s see if his pride prompts an appearance. C’mon Cecil, welcome me and Esprix! If you do I’ll be good from now on. I won’t flame anyone for a month! I won’t lick the tongue depressors while waiting for the doctor! I’ll stop using the vacuum cleaner for um… “personal” reasons. Anything, just WELCOME US!!![/sub]
you know, this is sad did you people not get enough attention from your parents growing up?
(snickers, I got in, I got in)
But Mudshark, that doesn’t mean you didn’t drive him away. I mean, he hasn’t been back since you showed up, right?!? 
ducks and runs
-Stil
(And just in case, Hi Cecil!)
So, who all has been welcomed by the big guy? Perhaps it’s time to do some serious emulating!
<<Steps away from Crunchy Frog before the lighting bolt from the sky strikes him>> 
Actually, I understand that donations are the best way of getting Cecil’s attention. Small bills. Preferably nonsequential and unmarked.
But money may not always be the way to catch his eye. Too easy. While the addition of untaxable currency to his savings would no doubt please him, I suspect that what would truly thrill him is knowledge. Particularly knowledge of things that will help make his decades-long battle against ignorance a little less painful.
After careful research, I believe after reading this column that he would love to have a truly kick-ass English to Hittite dictionary as a fine complement to his vast library, where it can be cared for by one of his robed acolytes.
Alas, no complete dictionary exists.
But we live in the age of the Internet, so I launched myself on a fearless quest in search of the balm for Cecil’s Hittite angst. After braving fierce shrieking modems, HTML storms, and malevolent Google links, I finally achieved my prize.
Here you go, Cecil! It is not a perfect solution, but 'tis the best that can be found. May your next foray into Hittite be a joyful one. 
Cecil has never personally greeted anyone as he does not exist.
http://tess.uspto.gov/bin/gate.exe?f=doc&state=pu89fg.7.1
Can we all go home now?
Awww, DPWhite, you’re spoiling our fun.
whoo boy. If you thought Crunchy Grog was gonna get zapped …
Crunchy Grog, eh? That sounds distinctly unappetizing…
Y’know, maybe Cecil is kinda like Santa Claus.
::sets a frosty mug of Guinness and a plate of buffalo wings out by the Christmas tree::
I’m no run-of-the-mill Doper; Cecil’s singled me out from the crowd!
Guinness and buffalo wings are the key? Damn, why hasn’t anyone thought of that before?
:checks supplies:
Okay, plenty of Guinness on hand. Got some pretty reasonable red wine about the place too. 'Scuse me, I’m off to get the buffalo wings.
And, just in case (hey, stranger things have happened): Hi, Cecil!
gotta say i’m with crunchy frog and DPWhite. in fact, at castle anthrax, our beacon is cecil-shaped, since finding him is a quest with an unattainable goal. i think “unca cecil” is just a front for a bunch of trivial pursuit geeks who desperately want and need the adulation of faceless people they will never meet. i mean, has anyone actually seen him? i actually own the first 3 SD books, and don’t recall seeing even a picture on the back page. just a plea to buy more books. of course, they’re packed away right now, since castle anthrax is relocating soon, so i can’t go check to see if there is a picture. i could be wrong, i’m cute, not perfect.