So What Should I Do?

[N.Sane]

I’m trying to figure out how/where to make a living.

History: When I graduated from high school in '81, I was completely ignorant of things like federal loans, etc., and I was on my own. So I went to work in the secretarial field. I slaved away at those types of jobs until December of 2004. I graduated with a B.A. (cum laude) in August of 2004, and decided to give Child Protective Services a try.

I made it 9 months.

Now I’m back to temping in a clerical position. I actually really like the company I’m at, and I like even more the fact that I can get all my work done in about 2 hours a day (most days), which leaves me 6 hours a day to write. But I’m making next to nothing.

I have been planning to teach middle school English. I got accepted into an alternative certification program, but I have been unable to find a job yet. I’ve also been thwarted at every turn as I’ve tried to arrange classroom observation visits (20 hours of which are required before I start the training class this summer, as is a teaching job).

I’ve been growing increasingly ambivalent about whether I really want to teach. Early last week, the vice president in our office asked me what it would take to keep me there. I gave him a figure that is considerably more than I’m making now, but still less than I’d make teaching. My rationale was that if I can get paid to write for 6 hours a day, I don’t mind making a little less than teaching! He said that he’d check with corporate to see if they can get it approved.

I know that the figure I told him is probably way higher than they would normally pay for that position. However, they have traditionally had two people working that job, and even then weren’t getting the kind of turnaround that I give them. I figure that the ability to get the day’s work done in 2 hours a day (and of course, I’m there all day so that if someone needs something I immediately take care of it) by one person has got to be worth something.

So while I’m waiting to hear whether he can swing my salary, I’m facing the possibility that he can’t. I’ve also spent the week training a temporary who’s filling in for me while I’m on vacation the next week and a half. This woman has been driving me up the wall!!! My irritation with her has made me question even more whether I should go into teaching. I do things fast–learn fast, type fast, work fast–and accurately. She is a very slow learner, and is extremely inaccurate. I have tried to be very patient, but I know my frustration has been obvious at times.

I’ve been planning to teach middle school English. That means that I may have a few people in my classes who want to be there, along with a whole lot of people who don’t. There will be people who learn quickly, and people who don’t. If I am losing my patience with this temporary over a 5-day training period, what am I going to do with my students over the course of a semester?

Granted that I am very good with kids; I have very close relationships with my friends’ kids. I have taught Sunday School frequently, and do very well there. While I was at CPS, there was only one kid that I couldn’t get to talk to me. I have the ability to make children feel very much at ease and very comfortable with me.

But that still doesn’t mean I’d be a good teacher. Heck–I’d probably be a better child psychologist than a teacher!

But in the meantime, I’ve got to make a living. The thought of staying in clerical work–except in my current position–is incredibly depressing. I feel like teaching isn’t the best move to make. I know CPS was wrong for me.

So what do I do?

I’m a good writer. I’m a decent editor. I do distributed proofreading for Project Gutenberg. I have two books–one a tween novel for girls of my religion, and the other a group of life’s lessons–that have been published by an e-book company. I have also translated Quo Vadis from a mixture of archaic English and Latin into modern English for the same publisher. I have done editing and copy editing for that publisher and another. I’m currently writing three books. One definitely has the potential to be a best-seller. The others probably don’t, but I still believe they can do respectably well. But I’m still so far from completion on any of them. I know that it’s going to be a good long while before I’ll see any money from these books.

I would genuinely appreciate any suggestions/input you can provide me. Thanks in advance!

[Zoe]

My advice: “Inquire Within.”

What I hear you asking is which of these two should you choose:

1. A low paying and often thankless job which will absorb all of your time. In this position you will find it necessary to take work home with you and to work on weekend. You will have a couple of months off in the summer, but you will be expected to continue your education.

Meanwhile, the job itself is extremely stressful. People will sometimes say the most vulgar and demeaning things to you. You may at times feel physically threatened or you may even be assaulted.

Much of the work you do will be clerical. It will interrupt your teaching. That is only one of many things which will try your patience.

If you have a gift for teaching itself and can keep your heart alive, there is no more rewarding profession. It is akin to flying! But there isn’t enough money in the world to pay me to do it. It isn’t about money.

2. The other job you can choose is a still lower paying job. It would require that you live simply and appreciate, perhaps, the wabi-sabi life. That job would be in pleasant surroundings and would require that you work only two hours a day and be present for another six hours.

But during those six hours every day you could be who you really are.

You are a writer, N. Sane. Look at what you have accomplished! A lot of people want to be a writer without actually wanting to write. Not you! It pours out of you! Not everyone can do that!

I have no idea of your craftsmanship. (I hope that you read a lot as well as write.) But don’t you have to find out? Can you really just walk away from this chance?

If your employer can’t meet your request, can you negotiate?

One last thing to think about: Would it still be worth it even if you don’t publish? Van Gogh sold one painting in his life time. One of my friends got lots of rejection slips before getting a two book deal with a well-known publisher. Writing and publishing are two different babies.

I wrote short pieces and poetry early in my life and published fairly easily. But it was food on the table stuff and not very good. I’m no writer – at least not for publication. I was an English teacher. Damned good at one time too. Then my mind melted.

May your decision bring you great contentment and adventures!

[gardentraveler]

What Zoe said.

GT

[N.Sane]

Thank you for the encouragement. I felt so positive last night that I got another 5 pages written on one of my books.

I personally don’t mind negotiating with the company I’m at if they can’t meet my figure. It’s my husband who wouldn’t be happy about it. He is fully aware of my abilities as a top-notch administrative assistant, and he has been frustrated for years that I have consistently chosen jobs that pay less than I could be making. He only began a little to understand how I deal with stress while I was working with CPS, but now that I’ve been out of it for 7 months, he’s starting to forget again.

I think that I will see what they offer, and take it from there.

I’ve been trying to figure out some other job/career options, but the only ones that sing to me require more education. I’m not averse to going to grad school, or doing another undergraduate degree, but right now I’ve got to be making money. I have to get out of debt. I don’t want to be in that kind of bondage anymore, where obnoxious debt collectors feel perfectly free to be as nasty as they want to be to the faceless voice on the other end of the phone.

And yes, I must write. The publishing is a secondary thing. If it happens, that’s fantastic. But if it doesn’t, it’s unimportant. I am a creator. I know my characters so well that I could tell you what they ate for breakfast yesterday and what clothes they would buy a Macy’s. I love that feeling. It reminds me of when I was a little girl, and was thoroughly convinced that I would meet Anne of Green Gables someday. I now know that I shall, and shall also meet Cat and Mims and Ula and Ulrika and Verity and Cynric.

Thank you again for your input. It has given me much food for thought.

[Gatopescado]

Marry someone very rich. Let them pay all the bills while you sip martinis by the poolside.