Sorry, folks. UncleBeer is perfectly proportioned in all aspects. Except for that third butt cheek.
I’m short, and I joke about it constantly. I’ve been used as a ruler (just five feet). I’m the perfect size for an armrest.
My height is something I’m pretty sure won’t change. And sure, I wouldn’t mind being an inch or two taller, but that’s what heels are for, right? 
ME??
I have “jehtro” calfs as they have been called. I have to be careful or they don’t fit into pants. I am also too wide…I have a 48 inch chest and 38 inch waist. So I can’t fit alot of places…
add to that my receding hairline…I am a hottie!
-Frankie
“Mother Mercy, can your loins bear fruit forever?/Is your fecundity a trammel or a treasure?”
-Bad Religion
I have Spock ears. My parents have always refered to them as “pixie” ears, and my sister as Spock ears.They have thankfully become less pronounced, but it’s a wierdness. However, said sister’s earlobes are attached (as opposed to “detached”) so I refer to her as “The Attached Earlobe Freak.” That, and a fairly prominant chin.
One must have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star. -Nietzche
My name is Libby, and I have rather large lips. The ones on my face, you perverts.
When I was in elementary school, people always used to call me “Lippy.”
Nowadays, every boyfriend I have tells me that they’re dead sexy, and I tend to agree. And I bet all the people who made fun of me are now severe, thin-lipped grownups. Nyaaah.
“Buffalo Bills? Oh, yeah. The guys that always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” --WallyM7
When I was 10 years old, I was only 4’9" and wore a C cup. Needless to say, I heard all the jokes. I’m only 5’ now and I wear a F cup, so I still look pretty freakish. Other than that, I have no real problems with my looks, except that I’m overweight (but I’m working on that). My nose is just the right size, my ears don’t jut out, and my lips are not too big or too small.
Shadowfox
“The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.”
-Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons, “In a Manner that Must Shame God Himself” (Kurt Vonnegut)
“Distinguished” Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
Just posting here to vouch for UncleBeer. He really is PERFECTLY NORMAL.
And to announce that I can’t shake the image of Democritus stompin’ around buck naked in his Doc Martens. And believe me, I’m trying.
Uke
Q: “Why do Jews have such big noses?”
A: “Because air is free.”
I have so much fun with that stereotype. I just really love it.
My favorite anecdote is when, last semester, a friend was running for an elected position in (I think) the Jewish Student Union, and wanted me to vote for him. I’m not in any way involved with the JSU, but I guess being Jewish is enough to get voting priveleges.
Another friend, who is Chinese, asked if she could vote too. I said, “They’ll probably take one look at you and say, ‘Sorry, you can’t vote, your nose is too small.’”
She was laughing so hard she could barely stand up.
Daniel
(who also has big feet, as if anyone cares)
Mayor of Snerdville, the home of Mortimer Snerd
“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight
I have always hated my nose. Everyone who knows me says no, it’s fine but it’s not, I hate it. I used to hate my boobs too because they were too small but then they grew so now I’m fine.
How did you know how big my head is?
This was just brought back to me on New Year’s Eve, when we were provided with “New Year’s” hats by our hostess and instructed that we were required to wear them the entire night. Every so often someone would comment that I wasn’t wearing mine, and I would pick it up, put it on and let everyone laugh at The Big Head syndrome, then shake my head and let it fall off.
I don’t normally have a problem with this because i don’t wear hats much, but imagine being about 12 years old and, not only is the cowboy hat your parents bought for you too small for you, but so is your dad’s.
I used to compensate for this by buying hats for other people.
Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.
“I’m a god. I’m not the God–I don’t think.” --P.C.
Wow, Laura is my foot twin! I also have big (9 1/2 - that’s 42 in European, in case anyone cares), flat feet. They’re also extremely narrow. Buying shoes when I was younger was hellish. Now I tend to wear unisex shoes, likes Docs, so I can go to the Young Man’s section if necessary, but when I was ten or so, I could NEVER find shoes that fit me right. Arches hurt, there was rarely anything in the right size (my feet were size 7 or so when I was ten, and high heels aren’t really appropriate for fifth grade), and slip on shoes tended to slip off my narrow feet.
I also used to freak out when I had a pimple. Looking back, I never really had very bad skin, but I bought into that whole “teen magazine image” that I should look perfect at all times. It made me very self-conscious, in a really negative way. I often just wanted to hide. Teen magazines should all be burned, and junior high should be…well, burned, too.
~Harborina
“This is my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end. That’s where I saw the leprechauns.”
I myself have been blessed with a genuine Italian nose, nice and big
Steak is like women and midgets. -Josh Putz
LOL, the ballplayer I had a major crush on had what I called “elf” ears. I think they’re adorable. Do you have the elf ear/widow’s peak “Eddie Munster” combo? Tee hee.
“It was us versus them and it was clear who them was. Today we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they’re there.”
– Texas Gov. George W. Bush, presidential candidate.
Errr… I’m fairly standardly nerdy looking. No big nose or feet. My hands look big, but that’s because I have skinny arms. I have more forehead showing than I’d like, and it increases rapidly every day. Apart from that, I’m kind of ordinary. But unique.
Er…
-PIGEONMAN-
Returns!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - By Popular Demand! Enjoy, enjoy!
Hmmmm. Just look at the sig. Do you really think I picked that title on a whim? When I was in a frat, the older guys made me wear a little tiny coat and sway about saying “Fat guy in a little co-oat, fat guy in a little co-at.” as they all laughed at me. This didn’t bug me, I am really fuckin’ huge. Really. I am 6 feet 3 inches tall. I weigh 296 pounds. I have a 56 inch chest, a 40 inch waist, and size 13 feet. I go to the gym a lot, but I can’t get rid of the gynocomastia (bitch tits) that are left over from the ‘roids I did in HS. Good thing I have a girlfriend who loves me, because I couldn’t get a date to save my life when I have bigger hooters than the girl I’m asking out. To look at me, I look like I have huge pecs, but you feel them and they are mostly squishy. I hate it, but I shoulda thought o’ that before all the stanzabol and dianabol and anabol and stuff.
Sigh. I guess it’s not as bad as I make out, I am just really concious of it.
Ahh fuck it, I can still bench 445 easy. Maybe I’ll get 'em lopped off by some quack in Argentina some day. Noonch.
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
Kyla, wow! I have a narrow foot, too! Are we twins or what? 9 1/2 narrow bites, though. Virtually every store, every brand I run into carries 5 1/2, 6, 6 1/2, 7, 7 1/2, 8, 8 1/2, 9…10! And forget narrow–they carry WIDE. Thanks a LOT. I should really buy quality shoes, esp. since I spend nearly 7 hours a day on my feet, but it’s such a pricey pain in the ass with these flippers. Not to mention stylish shoes don’t do much as far as comfort goes.
Come to think of it, my flat-footed b/f has narrow feet, too. I wonder if that’s coincidence, or if one affects the other?
formerly known as LauraRae
I’m a Raggety Ann in a Barbie Doll world.
Ugh, yeah. I’ve got a big head. Doesn’t help that I’m trying to grow my hair out too. Actually. I wanted to grow my hair out to cover my ears. As for my nose, well…
Actually, I’m not dissatisfied with my overall look; those are my main insecurities…
``Beware of elaborate telescopic meat; it will find its way back to the forest.’’
– William S. Burroughs, Tom Waits
Talking 'bout freak deformities, has anyone ever noticed Shannon Dougherty’s (from 90210) left eye is higher then her right? It freaks me out every time I see her. And usually, nobody else notices it until I mention it, and then they agree with me.
You know, we should both talk to the clique’s mad scientist. Maybe he can whip of a potion that would reduce both our breasts’ sizes
Either that, or we both take a trip to that quack in Argentina and then charge it as a “business expense”
Shadowfox
“Distinguished” Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
Laura, I think we are twins! You should go for the expensive good quality shoes, definitely. I usually do, and my feet thank me for it. FWIW, I wear Doc boots pretty much every day when it’s cold out. They were $120 almost three years ago - definitely have earned their keep. When it’s warm, I wear my Naot sandals, which were $50, and I love them. Sure, they cost more than generic shoes, but they last ten times longer and my feet don’t kill me.
Oh, and I have terrible eyesight. That’s something else I don’t like about me. Being a poor student, I can’t afford laser surgery yet, but my eyes haven’t changed for five years now, so if I win the lottery or something (unlikely, since I’ve never played the lottery once) I would probably do it.
~Harborina
“This is my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end. That’s where I saw the leprechauns.”