I once attended a cooking class with a friend. It was a rare break for her, as she had a very active toddler (left with a babysitter) and a newborn (who came along in his carrier and slept quietly through the class).
As the class broke up, we were all talking animatedly about shared interests, and we slowly drifted out of the room. As we were walking down the hallway to the staircase in order to leave the building, my friend said “Oh my god! My baby is still in the classroom! I COMPLETELY FORGOT I HAD A CHILD WITH ME.”
The thing was … this happened in the presence of a whole roomful of students and a teacher, and not one of us noticed that the baby was left behind. Admittedly, we were not the baby’s mother; but also we weren’t as harassed and sleep-deprived as she was either. And as the friend who had just an hour earlier done the obligatory cooing over the new baby, I felt a little guilty that I hadn’t noticed.
Things like this happen. Thankfully, they rarely have serious consequences. But if you want to prosecute every caretaker who absent-mindedly forgets a kid, you need to draw the line somewhere, don’t you? Or would you like my friend to be prosecuted, and me too, and maybe the teacher who was technically in charge?
I did. What you put in this post is nowhere near what you put in the one I quoted. You specifically said she left the baby in the hot sun for 40 minutes. Clearly, based on multiple articles and witnesses, this is untrue.
You can have your own opinion, but you can’t have your own facts.
Will people kindly shut up about her name? Dopers work my nerves with this kind of snobbery. If you give your kid a “made up” name, you’re a horrible parent. So if you give your kid a name with meaning, you’re also a horrible parent? “Cherish” is no different from “Mindy”, “Aimee”, “Cara”, or “Darlene.” They all mean the same thing, except “Cherish” is English and thus its name is instantly recognizable to us. OMG AN ENGLISH NAME WITH RECOGNIZABLE MEANING! HOW GAUCHE!!
As far as Cherish goes, I say charge her with a misdemeanor. I say this not because I think she’s a bad parent for having an “oopsie”, but because I’m tired of judcial discretion only applying to pretty white women with a Facebook following. If the laws are injust, change them. But don’t implement them differently based on popularity polls. If mean, if poor, brown-skinned Cherisha gets in trouble for mistakes made with her children, why shouldn’t Cherish?
Right. IOW, she noticed almost immediately after starting to walk away. Not twenty or thirty minutes later.
Another good sign. As a general rule, if you catch your own mistakes before anybody else does–and can immediately reverse them–you’re probably doing all right.
I think this example illustrates the line very well, thank you.
I find it ironic that the name was probably chosen by her parents rather than her, yet people judge her for it.
It is also worth remembering that popularity of names depends on race, ethnicity, and economic status. So just by shaming unusual names, we could be (intentionally or otherwise) discriminating against some sections of the population.
But she DID leave the baby in the hot sun. Someone else took him inside. If it wasn’t for that person, we might have had a real tragedy. From the mother’s POV, she had NO WAY of knowing what danger the kid was in. How long before she remembered without her other kids mentioning it? Hours? Just because someone saved the kid doesn’t make the mom any less negligent.
Bolding mine.
The first point is one of semantics. Yes, the baby was in no danger, but not due to anything the mother did. We don’t even know if the baby carrier had a sun shade.
I don’t think she deserves a felony rap, but I definitely don’t think she should get a pass.
If someone else came by before the cop, the kid might have been loaded into a car and driven away. Surely the outcome of such an event should have some kind of impact upon the consequences for doing it, or in this case for failing to do it.
Given the fact there was no real harm, punishment should be minimal. But there should be some form of punishment.
You don’t know how many times before that she forgot him.
You don’t know how many times she wished that she had left him.
You don’t know how many time she wished that she could change her name from Cherish into something she really liked…like Mary Lou.
How so? Which “example” are you even talking about? The lady who left her kid in the shopping cart example, or my friend who had an oopsie moment with her newborn in the cooking class example?
I think it would indeed be interesting to come up with a “line,” or rather some general guidelines, as to when a parent’s forgetfulness goes beyond the point where public censure or punishment is warranted. But I’m willing to bet that most instances are either (1) harmless and minor, or (2) serious, and the worst punishment for the parent is knowing what they did to their kid (or if they are lucky, only almost did). Shaming-by-internet is unnecessary in both cases.
The example of your friend, which is a clear contrast with this case. A very reasonable “line” for enforcement is between the two, I think.
The significant purpose of enforcement (or “shaming,” for that matter) is not to punish the neglectful parent. Rather it is to send society’s message, to everyone else.
Even if we were interested in punishment, it would be stupid in all cases to look to a malefactor’s own sense of guilt and remorse; by definition, the more wicked and selfish they are, the less troubled they will be. It is better to leave feelings aside, and address actions.
The mother left the baby because she forgot, not because she thought “no reason to double check, there will be no legal repercussions if I leave him”. The risk of being charged isn’t going to change anything.
The judgment of the courts on people’s actions is one thing. Letting someone be trampled by nasty and anonymous commentary is another. I guess from your perspective, such internet stampeding is irrelevant, because the only damage done is to people’s feelings, and feelings don’t matter.
If it sounds like I’m inclined to give all parents who forget their children under any circumstances a pass, that’s not the case. But I don’t think trial-by-internet, while probably inevitable, is something we ought to applaud. As a means of “sending society’s message” so that other parents don’t forget their kids, I doubt it has any impact whatsoever.
Embarrassment on the internet is not administered by the criminal justice system, it is happening in parallel to it.
Such public outcry over child abandonment (even cutesy wootsy oopsy LAWLZ I fIRGIT’d MY BABBY! negligence) displays why child abandonment is against the law in the first place.
I’d really prefer everyone be treated like the dominant demo than to pull everyone down. I don’t see any real way child endangerment laws are able to be changed or repealed, so the real reform has to be to stop using them as weapons against the poor and minorities.