Socializing in Germany

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m considering a move to Berlin and am hoping that there might be some people who have lived in both countries.

My main question comes down to socializing. I never took up drinking alcohol nor hanging around bars to socialize, which - in the US at least - seems to really reduce the chance of meeting a wide variety of people. I’ve been going to various club activities, but so far this hasn’t been all that productive since you rarely see the same person twice. There also seems to be only a small overlap between activities that interest men and women and I don’t want to join something I’m not legitimately interested in, so while I’m doing pretty well at hanging around with other men (playing board games, playing billiards, practicing parkour, etc.), that hasn’t translated so well to meeting the opposite sex.

Germans are, of course, noted for their fondness for beer - which doesn’t sound too encouraging. But for all I know, the pub/bar scene is more relaxed and quiet, and you can actually talk and feel perfectly a part of the group even if you’re sipping on a glass of milk. Similarly, maybe there’s less division between male and female interests? Over here, for example, the only physical activity that seemed to have approximately equal interest from both sexes is volleyball. That seems a bit extreme, given that the list I saw probably included 40-50 things.

Anyways, any thoughts?

2

Not surprising because most women aren’t into that shit.
I’ve been all over the place (including Germany) and I suspect that it’s probably the same wherever you go.

There’s not much of a mystery to how people socialize. Most men socialize through sports or drinking. Most women socialize through shopping and book clubs and lunch with their friends. Sometimes there is overlap like co-ed ZogSports leagues and whatnot. But for the most part men and women are into different shit.

People tend to make friends with people who are in close proximity to them. In high school it’s your classmates and kids in whatever sports or clubs you participate in. Same thing in college, plus your roomates, dorm mates so on. When you become an adult, typically it’s people from work or sports leagues and stuff.

Typically what happens is as you meet a couple people through work or kickball, you meet their friends as well. Hopefully some of them are the sort who lived there forever and always throw parties where you will meet other people.

But whenever anyone asks “how do I socialize but I’m not into bars or sports” (and I’m not into sports either), they have to know they are cutting out an activity that is done by a lot of people who like to socialize.

3

You certainly wouldn’t drink milk in a german bar (would you do that in US bars?). Get yourself to an German-language class. There may be some drinking involved but you are not obliged to partake.

4

I lived in Berlin for 14 years and loved it!

Yes, there is a lively bar scene, but there is also a very lively cafe scene - places where you can go and meet people and have coffee and cake and just read a magazine or work on your laptop or whatever. Those places are jammed full, every day - lots of students in Berlin and lots of people with time on their hands who can spend an hour or two by day in a cafe.

Meeting people in Berlin is pretty easy - they are far more open than in other parts of Germany - people compare Berliners to New Yorkers and there is some truth in that. Berliners don’t mince words and are quick to tell you what they think - but in the same sense, they are far more worldly than other parts of Germany and that means they are open to new cultures, foods and people from different countries.

The weather pretty much sucks - lots of rain and cloudy skies in the summer, snow and sleet in the winter…so cafes and bars are the traditional meeting places. Plus, even at a bar it is no big deal to order a Coke or have a wine spritzer or non-alcoholic beer…so you don’t have to drink to get blotto to go there.

That said, when it is nice weather, lots of forests and lakes and rivers (more bridges in Berlin than in Venice, Italy!) and plenty of clubs to meet people who like to hike and swim - plus lots of book stores and book clubs, lots of movie theaters, concerts, dance clubs, museums, artists, musicians, writers…just like any major metropolitan area.

There is also a large group of Americans who live in Berlin, but in my experience, most have assimilated quite well and they don’t necessarily hang out together often. It is important that you start learning a smattering of German as soon as possible. Nobody expects perfection, but just learning how to count and say a few standard phrases will help greatly in meeting people and getting around.

Berlin is a fantastic city and I envy you for going to discover it on your own…but you do have to keep and open mind and dive in head first. That means learning the language a bit, trying new places and things, and just being open to new experiences - even if that does mean the occasional foray into a bar (kneipe) for a mineral water with the gang.

Viel Spass! (Have fun!) and report back.

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions you might not want to ask in this thread.

5

I have found that many Germans are fairly stand-offish about their personal lives - they will socialize out at company functions [I found going to a company sponsored bowling night with a bunch of Germans a hoot compared with going bowling with my old work krewe when I was with State Farm’s call center in Cheshire]

Do you do online games? Try finding a 'con and meeting up with guildies/EVE corpies. I have a network of gaming buddies across Europe [well, also a lovely couple of guys in South Africa] and Australia/NZ/Tasmania that have tendered invites to come and visit when/if mrAru and I are planning to be in the area. I could probably go to England, Denmark, Norway, Finland, Poland, Croatia, whichever the hell country Vilneas is in, Romania, Germany, Spain and Belgium and not stay in a hotel at all. [Well I know I can go to Germany, my oldest gaming buddy and EQ ‘husband’ is in Karlsruh and I have already visited him previously on vacations.]

6

I tried signing up for a cooking class to meet women in Germany, but it turned out to be a total sausage-fest.

7

:confused: Do you live in the '50s? Shopping & book clubs? Phhssh…

Sage Rat, Berlin definitely has bars that are quieter and where it wouldn’t be weird to have a coke. (They might not have milk in a bar though.) But before you find your crowd who goes to the bars you like to socialise, you need to find a way of finding that crowd.

It’s difficult to make suggestions without knowing more about what you are into. Amateur theatre? A choir? These are really social activities where you get to know people, but obviously may not be your thing at all. (ETA: They do love people who don’t want to perform though, if you like doing tech or building set they’ll be delighted. There are likely to be English/American versions of both as well.)

Getting involved in local politics can also be a good way to get to know some cool people, with the plus that they might be quite like-minded.

Another idea might be some kind of volunteering. Could be animals, kids, homeless people, guerilla gardening… There might be a local Amnesty International letter writing get-together club, if you’re more of sitting down type.

ETA2: another thought - learning. Obviously German classes would be good. But maybe you could take some classes in something you always wanted to know more about. History, philosophy, photography, anything.

8

So what do women do these days to socialize with each other?

9

The same thing men do, get blind drunk.

10

We are actually all allowed to play together now, since we found out we all pretty much like the same stuff. What with being human an’ all.

11

Also, avoid any events that promise “National Socializing.”

12

I have no input on Germany, but: women aren’t into board games? And men are? What about card games, especially ones using special cards instead of a 52 card deck? My experience at parties is that the women want to trot out Apples to Apples, Taboo, or some such most of the time, and the men grunt assent or dissent half-heartedly.

With you 100% on parkour, and billiards (“pool”) is popular with both sexes. Especially with men who want to “show” an amateur female how to “play,” sexual innuendo and braggadocio optional.