This morning my son and niece wake me up all excited because it’s December 1 and time to pull out the cool Playmobil Advent Calendars that Grandpa bought them. They’re jumping up and down on the bed, screaming, the whole works. So I haul my sleepy butt out of bed, get the calendars out of my closet, and read the dreaded words:
“Parents: Assemble before giving to children”
This is 6:30 in the a.m., mind you. Since I love the kids, I grab myself a cuppa coffee and start assembling. Took me 45 minutes to put the two calendars together! And thats not counting the time I spent yelling “Hush or I’m going to tell Santa Claus”. I had to fold 48 little boxes! Put countless tiny stickers on countless tiny pieces. Did the whole insert tab A into slot B thing. By the time I was done, I was a very bitter, very un-Christmasy tatertot indeed.
So, this year I have declared a ban on toys that need assembly. In fact, I’m not buying anything that needs batteries. It will come out of the box “ready to play” or it’s not going under our tree.
That’s silly. If you don’t buy things that require assembly, how are you ever going to supply the old mayonnaise jar full of extra wingnuts, washers and screws left over from putting together all the stuff?
I recall fondly my nephew’s christmas last year when I gave him a complicated pirate lego set. He looked at it and said “Uncle Jacques, put it together for me!” The best part of Christmas that day.
La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit.
H. de Livry
There you are at the office on the Monday morning after Christmas - among the group gathered around the water cooler or coffee pot - silent and unable to share in the camaraderie while your colleagues regale one another with “some assembly required” war stories. Then, in the afternoon, being shunned by them as they realize that your foresight provided you with an infinitely more relaxed and serene Christmas holiday than they had. Will they eventually forgive you? Is this worth your career?
We spend Christmas Eve with my wife’s family (usually until 10pm or so), then drive the 100 miles home, THEN I get to tackle the “some assembly required” stuff. If I’m lucky I get 2 hours of sleep before it’s time to get up and act all surprised. But you’ll never catch me saying “I will insert no more forever”. A priest I ain’t.
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik