Some Assembly Required

This morning my son and niece wake me up all excited because it’s December 1 and time to pull out the cool Playmobil Advent Calendars that Grandpa bought them. They’re jumping up and down on the bed, screaming, the whole works. So I haul my sleepy butt out of bed, get the calendars out of my closet, and read the dreaded words:

“Parents: Assemble before giving to children”

This is 6:30 in the a.m., mind you. Since I love the kids, I grab myself a cuppa coffee and start assembling. Took me 45 minutes to put the two calendars together! And thats not counting the time I spent yelling “Hush or I’m going to tell Santa Claus”. I had to fold 48 little boxes! Put countless tiny stickers on countless tiny pieces. Did the whole insert tab A into slot B thing. By the time I was done, I was a very bitter, very un-Christmasy tatertot indeed.

So, this year I have declared a ban on toys that need assembly. In fact, I’m not buying anything that needs batteries. It will come out of the box “ready to play” or it’s not going under our tree.

I will insert no more forever.

That’s silly. If you don’t buy things that require assembly, how are you ever going to supply the old mayonnaise jar full of extra wingnuts, washers and screws left over from putting together all the stuff?

You think that jar just fills itself?

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

The joy of assembling is the best part!

I recall fondly my nephew’s christmas last year when I gave him a complicated pirate lego set. He looked at it and said “Uncle Jacques, put it together for me!” The best part of Christmas that day.

La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit.
H. de Livry

Tatertot - consider the consequences!

There you are at the office on the Monday morning after Christmas - among the group gathered around the water cooler or coffee pot - silent and unable to share in the camaraderie while your colleagues regale one another with “some assembly required” war stories. Then, in the afternoon, being shunned by them as they realize that your foresight provided you with an infinitely more relaxed and serene Christmas holiday than they had. Will they eventually forgive you? Is this worth your career?

I don’t really have anything to add, but I did want to say that the title of this thread is going to make it very useful for “Best Sequential…” jokes.

I guess your kids are gonna get a lot of balls for Xmas. :slight_smile:

“Some Assembly Required.”

Words almost as horrifying as discovering THIS phrase on the toy you’re putting together on Christmas Eve: “Batteries Not Included.”

No more tab a into slot b?

::heatherlee shudders::

I’m guessing you’re not getting them Legos then?

I just realized that Lego is missing the boat, here. Imagine it, if you will: Each and every Lego box with a bold notice:

** Repeated Assembly Required!**


We spend Christmas Eve with my wife’s family (usually until 10pm or so), then drive the 100 miles home, THEN I get to tackle the “some assembly required” stuff. If I’m lucky I get 2 hours of sleep before it’s time to get up and act all surprised. But you’ll never catch me saying “I will insert no more forever”. A priest I ain’t.

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik


If you get to ban all “assembly required” stuff, then I get to ban every freaking product that has the word “millennium” on it!

I can NOT wait until the middle of January when (hopefully) all this Y2K crap will be over with.

Bad news… you’ll have to wait until Jan 2001 when all those people who believe that the new millennium starts at the end of 2001 have their say.

Personally, I suspect that 2000 should just be declared World Party Year. Then we could forget about the whole thing…

“Kiu frenezas? Cxu la mondo aux mi?” -Persone


Believe it or not, my Dad actually used that phrase on my “birds and the bees” walk in the woods with him some 36 years ago.

Well, somewhat on topic for Some Assembly Required. We’re talking about kids, sort of, huh?

Uh… that’s “the end of 2000”… <sigh>

“Kiu frenezas? Cxu la mondo aux mi?” -Persone