So I’m coming up on my one year at my first job out of school. My title is Programmer/Web Author, but technically I’m a Junior HTML Author. Or at least, that’s the job I thought I got. Which is where my problem comes in.
I took Comp Sci through high school and did a semester of it in university and have been told I’m about the equivalent of a 2nd year Comp Sci student in skills. I figured out it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I don’t have the math and logic skills for it and it frustrates me. However, I love the web so much and want to work in tech, so I embraced my passion - site implementation/HTML/CSS/Programming-lite. This fits in with what I thought I was doing at this company.
I’m now spending about 65%/35% of my time programming to site implementation. I’m stressed and miserable because I’m getting apps dropped in my lap that are beyond my ability and nearly break me down into tears. I know programming makes me stressed, that’s why I didn’t major in it! I feel it isn’t fair to anyone. It isn’t fair to me because I hate going to work sometimes and my morale is in the toilet. It isn’t fair to the clients because they are getting a product that isn’t of the highest quality. It isn’t fair to my bosses because I take longer and need more help, thus losing them money . It isn’t fair to my coworkers because I have to ask so many questions, interrupting their already heavy workload.
But I’m too scared to voice any of this. In this industry, you either need to be a jack of all trades or be at the very top of your specialty. I’m too young and inexperienced for the latter. I’m afraid that if I say anything, they’ll boot me out the door for someone who can do it all.
It’s a tiny company that’s seen an unfortunate amount of turnover in the last 8 months. At 6 months with the company, I was left for 3 weeks as the head of the production department and the most senior programmer. I am now the person in the tech part of things that has been there the longest. We’re hemorrhaging money. I love being here, and I don’t want to throw it all away, but there’s one place in this city that has the manpower to let their people specialize, where I might be able to do just what I’m good at, but my family has been telling me to stay put, but they don’t know the tech industry and barely comprehend the surface of what I do. I need advice from those in the industry. There’s not that many companies here and it’s definitely a place where everyone knows everyone else in the industry, so I don’t want to quit here and go somewhere and find out I don’t like it there and then have nowhere else to go.
Also, I’ve hinted towards wanting less programming, but instead I’ve gotten encouragement and been told that I underestimate my skills. At this point, I think even if I got better at it, I hate it so much I’d be miserable anyway.
Opinions, advice, ‘sit your ass down and put up with it, you youngin’!’ statements?