It’s wonderful to read posts from people who actually get it. Who understand what everyday life is like.
I’ve had clinical depression since I was 10. I started therapy at the age of 16 and I’ve been on more medications than I can remember. For me, it just doesn’t work. I’ve developed my own coping mechanisms and I recognize that this is just the way that my life will be.
Even though I’ve tried numerous treatments, therapists, and counselors, none of which seemed to help, I’ve thinking again about seeking treatment. I scared the crap out of myself the other day - here I was zipping along, everything okay, when I apporach a stopped bus. And for two seconds I visualized myself not stopping - just plowing into the rear of that big Metro. It seemed so freaking easy! Depression sneaks up on you in stocking feet.
For the past twenty years, I wake up each morning wondering if it will be a high day or a low day. Some days you eat the bear, and some days the bear eats you.
Anyway, no particular point to this post, but the thread touched a nerve. Thank you everyone, for sharing your stories.
The loop. All depressives know it. It’s the chain of five to fifteen thoughts that your brain fixates on and cycles through over and over in the cavernous blackness of depression. I need to write this paper (I totally understand Payne ) but I’m so gawd awful tired. Maybe I’ll take a shower since I haven’t had one in two days, that’ll wake me up. Oh shit, I don’t have any clean towels, which means I also don’t have anything to wear to class tomorrow, the class the paper is due in. The paper is due tomorrow, I should really write it. I really need to do laundry but I’m so tired…and again. How I hate the loop, esp now, when I can simply idenitify it, but am only successful about half the time in preventing or stopping it.
I’m a mad dog, code for Manic Depressive. I found this out in 1997 and I was very fortunate because I was “outted” by another mad dog. He’d taken pains to really learn about it and try to come up with some sort of functionality managment, so he was an excellent role model. I followed suit, but it still took more than three years to find a good med combo that worked for me. I take Lamictal and Wellbutrin. The L is actually an anti-seizure medication, but somehow regulates the pathways in my brain. The Wellbutrin is intermittently used to address depression.
Anyway, being pro-active works well for me. I’ve come to identify alot of early warning signs on both sides and have certain things I do that can help regulate myself behaviorally. Medicatation alone doesn’t work for me . For instance, when I’m manic, I get really social initially, but often find myself in trouble near the end of an “episode”. Living in the city wasn’t working for me because I couldn’t control my impulses. So I moved out a little a bit and when I get super manic, I stay home and throw myself into gardening or writing. When I start to get depressed, I give myself a break. I look at the schedule and see what absolutely has to happen. I “guarantee” that I will at least take a shower if I need to get out of the house. Then, if I have to go to class, I’ll do that, but I’ll cut out hours working at the library. They are aware of my condition and are quite accomodating. I’ll cut out as much as I can and promise myself a “free” day at the earliest possible time. It’s been a successful approach for me, I’ve managed to stay inside what I consider acceptable lines on either side. I haven’t had a major episode in over two years.
OMG! I HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW! (I let my prescription slip for a few days. Oops)I thought that I was going crazy when trying to explain that phenomenon to someone.
How did you guys all get in my brain? That said I guess I have gone farther down the path again than I thought. It is a little different this time. When I did this before, I slept all the time. Now I pretty much don’t. God I am tired. My house is a disaster. I am a disaster. I just can’t scrape up any energy. Maybe it is time to get back on the prozac, or whatever might be better. I dont remember quite why I stopped. Anyway If i can get the energy to find the phone I maybe will make an appointment tomorow. Thankyou for the thread. I think it might help.
Wow, I had no idea there were so many other sufferers – I guess I tend to get caught up in thinking that I’m the only one who has spent years dealing with depression. Even the phrase ‘dealing with depression’ is ironic; when I’m really depressed I can’t deal with anything, much less my depression.
Lady Mondegreen, thank you! I’ve been taking Effexor now for about 5 years, and have been unable to describe the “sounds” in my head (you used the phrase brain shivers) when I’ve missed a dose pr two.
I think the thing that helped my depression the most was the hysterectomy that I had at age 35. Some doctors dismiss the hormone connection but in my case I’m convinced of the connection. The difference in me since the surgery has been remarkable, I may still have “bad days” but I no longer feel like death would be preferable to having to get out of bed in the morning.
Just a note since we seem to be fixating on Effexor at the moment.
All the current available meds seem to be able to produce horrible effects if you stop them cold turkey. The effects, and whether they effect you or not are different from one person to the next. No one yet knows how to determine who will be susseptable to which meds.
So if you have bad effects from one med it does not follow that another med will also cause you bad withdrawl.
For me, I have been through Prosac, Paxil and Seroxat.
The Prosac and Seroxat I could have stopped cold turkey without side effect. The Paxil I had to reduce the dosage slowly over 6 weeks and even then was getting ‘Brain Shivers’ every 5 minutes or so.
For another person it could be completely different.
I would suggest that anyone taking any of these meds should try to obtain the meds necessary to allow them to reduce from their current dose down to naught over a perios of at least 4 weeks. That way if your medical insurance runs out, you should be able to taper down the dose and avoid too many withdrawl problems.
Note: If a Doctor takes you straight off of a med, ask them about tapering off the dosage, a Doctor may have good reason to make you stop cold turkey, if the Doctor does, then take their advice.
