I don’t know where else to vent because it seems as though everywhere I turn I can’t find the right place or person to talk to about the depths of this depression and where it’s heading.
This is my second time heading in this direction. My world seems to be closing in, the life is being sucked out of me.
Is there anyone else out there that feels the same way?
It’s not the holiday season, that’s just a part of this lonliness I feel. It’s the job, the family, the work, the boyfriend. It’s the little shit that happens during one day that makes me on edge and want to explode.
Anyone else feel this way?
I can’t talk to anyone because anytime I have ever done that, it just bites me in the butt and people expect me to “grab myself by my bootstraps, and get over it.”
Anyone else feel this way?
Well, sorry to bring such a depressing topic to your season of peace, love and joy, but this year I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin and run screaming down the street all in muscles, tendons and bones.
Anyone else feel this way?
I don’t ever want anyone else to feel this way, but it sure would be nice to know that I am not the only one that feels this way.
BTW…that was not a post for pity…I just need to see if there are others out there like me that feel as though things are as screwed up for them as they are for me…no pity really!
Forget the pick yourself up the bootstraps nonsense, I am pretty sure that comes from people who equate what you are feeling to a cut on the finger. Its different much different. Its hard to explain the difference, but I am pretty sure you know it.
Find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. (Friend, who doesn’t use the bootstrap line, therapist, rabbi, priest, baseball manager, baseball mascot)
Don’t let yourself get lost in the depression, but don’t just throw it away. If that makes any sense. Don’t get self pitying for too long, because that doesn’t usually help anything. But, also, don’t feel sad about feeling sad. There is nothing wrong with it. Many people feel that way. Talk it out, write it out, sing it out, dance it out.
If you are feeling too sad to do anything about it. Just feel sad. There is nothing wrong with it.
OK ok I am rambling. sorry.
Oh, and, yeah, other people feel like you sometimes.
People who say “Just get over it” and things of that ilk are blinded by their own false empathy. “I’ve been sad, and then I bucked up, so Techchick can too”. Yeah right. That’s like saying if you’ve had a pot belly you know what it’s like to be pregnant.
Sometimes I get jealous. When people get the flu, everyone wants to bring them chicken soup and rub their back and all that. When I get depressed, everybody acts like I want to be that way. What, is it because depression is intangible? Uhh, last time I checked you can’t really pick up and see a flu virus. Thinking about it, I know why people malinger. I got run over and had my leg broken - a condition I consider about one tenth as serious as being depressed, and everybody and his dog was my long lost friend. “Is there anything I can do? Can I donate my first born child? Can I can I huh?”
How 'bout you return my fucking calls when I super depressed, and listen to me without criticizing me for a change, you rodent? Just because there’s a little bit of metal in my leg, you suddenly remember I exist. When I feel like crawling into a cave and collapsing the entrance cause I can’t stand to look at the world, Oh heck, you’ve got to wash your dog.
So yes, Tech, there are people that feel like you. Make somebody give you a hug for me.
I don’t want to make people think like me, I want them to think like me of their own free will.
Techchick, you are most definitely not alone. I have had plenty of serious life changes, breakups, deaths, loss of jobs, etc. in my 30some years. Yet this past Spring they all seemed to happen at once and I responded in a way that I’ve never experienced before. I fell into a very deep and debilitating depression.
And NO ONE understood. They didn’t get it because a) they’ve never been depressed and they equate the word with “sadness” which doesn’t even come close to describing the depths of the despair and fear one feels, and b) because they’d never seen me like that before - I’ve always just brushed myself off and forged ahead. And let me tell you, I was TERRIFIED. Scared to death that I’d never feel better, never want to get out of bed and face life again.
But even though I’d never suffered it before, I recognized the symptoms and, from having researched the subject in the past, decided to look for someplace that I could get help. You will find many, many valuable resources right here online. Here is a very informative website that I found…
The most important thing you have to make yourself (and often the people around you) understand is that depression is not simply a state of mind. It’s a real, physical illness. And because it’s an illness that is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, it’s important that you speak to a doctor and have them determine if you need to follow a course of treatment that may include anti-depressants. I opted to go the herbal route (St. John’s Wort) and have had great success. But not everyone will respond to medication the same way - that’s why it’s important to see a medical professional.
I don’t know you, but I can feel that you need a {{{{{GREAT BIG CYBER HUG}}}}}. You are not alone, ok?
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank
Clinical depression. Most times they will now offer you the chemical wonderland… say no. There are coping skills you can learn that don’t cost a dime and work better.
Almost everyone, from time to time, feels this depression. It is normal, natural, and also nothing to ignore. Talk about it, write in your journal about it, get it out of your system anyway you can. Avoid any drugs or alcohol; they will make it worse. Avoid making major decisions during this time. Relax. Hug yourself. Take a bath. Get into the sunshine as much as you can. WRITE.
If I could hug you, I would. Human contact, knowing that other people feel the same way sometimes, helps a LOT. You are not alone. Some of us, no matter how happy we are, have this dark beast within. I slay him with my words and he has very little power over me now…
I am beginning to think that there are a lot of people who feel like you do, including me. this has been a really tough year, and being one who doesn’t “share” their problems probably doesn’t help. I am going through a good spell at the moment, but a while back I was really really scared, because I was just soo tired of everything and just could not cope. I cried every day on my way to and from work so no one would see and very nearly got out of it all. Somehow, I made myself feel better, got another job, so I woek 12+ hours a day and don’t have time to think too much any more. Feeling productive really helped.
Anyway, don’t think that you are alone, and any time you need to chat, feel free
Just an add on to Shayna’s comment, you are so right, people think that you can make yourself have depression, that somehow if you just look at things differently that it will be better, but that is utter crap.
Medication is the only thing which has helped me and it can’t just be talked away - like “don’t worry - cheer up” My flatmate comes out with comments like “what’s wrong” “what has upset you” when it is nothing except my own self, the chemicals inside me, I too am scared, feeling myself get out of control ( I am a huge contol freak) and it took me a long time to admit any of this to my family even though they have similar problems, I make it harder on myself trying to be the good daughter, the strong one, but perhaps this strength is what has kept me from completley succombing to it.
It is so hard not having people understand you, thanks for the links Shayna
Darling, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too; even after dumping my major source of depression(my ex) I still have periods of feeling hopeless and depressed.
May I recommend a book? “Feeling Good - the New Mood Therapy” is an excellent book that deals with the origins of depression and teaches you how to overcome depression with simple behavioral methods, rather than drugs. It is NOT a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” method - that’s bullshit. Check out the reviews on Amazon.com. Just reading this book can change your life.
…in a state so nonintuitive it can only be called weird…
Depression? Yeah, I know her. She and I go way back. I went to therapy, I went to group therapy, I was on antidepressents for awhile.
The best thing I ever found to help me cope was my cirle of friends. They are my supports group, and I’m theirs.
FWIW, Christmas isn’t usually that cheerful for me, either. All I do is get meloncholy and think about how much my dad enjoyed it.
Byzantine, Shania, and others on this thread have the right idea about coping. It’s not something you can do alone. Your post here is an excellent first step in finding people to just listen to you.
Those deep depressions are about the scariest thing a person can go through. It seems like no one understands, no one wants to help (or can help), and everyone else is getting on with their lives while you lie in bed unable to even start the day. The good news is, there are people who understand and can help.
Talk to someone trained in providing support - a minister, therapist, or even an understanding friend who doesn’t use the word Bootstraps. There are behavioral things you can do to help yourself feel better, and learn coping techniques to help avoid minor depression, and lessen the very worst depression the next time it comes on. You may want to try medication if your depression is a frequent and debilitating problem. (Newer antidepressants have different ways of acting on the brain, so you don’t get the ‘lobotomy patient’ numbness the older drugs could cause.)
The links above are excellent sources of information; there are others you can search for that also offer information and support.
Make someone hug you for me, too. Best wishes for you.
I know exactly how you feel TC. I have been through some major depression myself. I used to just work my way through it myself until recently when I found that it was getting so bad I had to have someone help me through it. It’s always good to talk to an impartial party to clear up some issues and gather your thoughts. Also regardless of what others may think, sometimes depression can be helped by a temporary use of medication. Of course whether it would help you is up to a physician to decide.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
I’m bipolar, so I know depression real well. Sometimes depression is a life-long illness but transient depression can be very effectively treated with medication for a short time. Talk to your doctor.
Big ol’ ME TOO here. I’ve been depressed for almost 12 years. Been in (and out) of therapy for the past 5. Been on medication for the last year. And I remember vividly the pain I felt every day…the fear I’d never feel any better…and the complete and total desire to kill myself so I’d feel SOMETHING.
Yes, there ARE people who feel like you, dear. But…(as trite as it sounds) you CAN and WILL get better. I second everyone here…find someone you can talk to. And IMO, the best person for that is someone who will just listen, and not start telling you “quit being so negative.” Been there, done that. All of us here are pulling for you, hon. Hope things get better, and PLEASE feel free to email me if you need someone to vent to. I’d bet other people here would say the same…and speaking from experience, they’re pretty good listeners.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, hon. Let us know how you’re doing.
“Jesus Mary Joseph…you’re a biker chick!” - co-worker, upon hearing of my tattoo.
This is not the first time I have gone through this. I am fighting it this time, but am finding that there really isn’t anyone that I can discuss my problems with.
I’ve been through the round of medications and therapy before. It really didn’t help a lot, in fact most anti-depressants and I don’t go well together, the side effects seem to make me feel worse.
Anyhow, thank you again. It helps me know that there are others out there that are feeling the same way.
Some fixes to my problems:
More money (enough to pay my rent for December and January thank God I have a good landlord)
A boyfriend that doesn’t seem depressed too, it only is bringing me down further.
A family that doesn’t get pissed at me cuz “I don’t call” yet they never call me. I have the caller ID records to prove it.
My job–more hours so I can pay my rent, phone utilities.
Health insurance, car insurance, renters insurance.
Those are the major things, but there are a ton of little things that inflate the scenario.
I think I need to take a week’s vacation from everyone and everything!
Byz and I are on opposite sides of this question but I found therapy without medication of limited value, while the addition of medication made all the difference. Note, however that I think therapy is the more important component.
Depression is just one way (although not a very effective way) of dealing with the world. The people who tell you to “just snap out of it” aren’t offering you an alternative method of coping, they are just telling you to stop using the one you have. Therapy provides the alternative. It may take a while to discover which alternative works for you, but you’ll find it.
You should be aware, if you’re not already, that depression has a “vicious circle” component – you feel bad so you don’t do much, then you feel like a failure because things aren’t getting done, then you feel bad because you’re a failure, then you feel worse and do less, etc., etc. Therapy and medication are aimed at breaking this circle. They make you feel a little better so you can do a little more, so you’re not such a failure, so you feel a little better, and so on.
“If ignorance were corn flakes, you’d be General Mills.”
Cecil Adams The Straight Dope
pluto – let me clarify a bit. Medication is an important part of an overall therapy; however, I’ve seen doctors toss it out like candy and not back it up with other modes of therapy. IMH experience, I did not see any improvement with drug therapy. In fact, for me, it made things worse. But that doesn’t mean it won’t work for someone else.
Put me in on Byz’ (Byz’s? I’ve never had to apostrophe a z before) side on this one.
techchick68: Find a therapist. Good friends can be good pseudo-therapists; but since you feel you don’t have anyone you can rely on in that matter, find a professional therapist.
But, as a caveat, find a professional therapist who you like and are comftorable with. Don’t be shy about jumping ship and seeing someone else if you don’t feel that things are working out. Not all therapists are the same; not by technique and not by personality.
I speak from experience- the two periods in my life that I went to a psychiatrist, it was one that had been ‘highly recommended’ by my family, and I kept myself involved with these incompetents because I didn’t think I could get better help. In retrospect I could have, and I’d be a lot better off today if I had.
So find a therapist that works for you. After all, it’s your time and your dime.
JMCJ
Die, Prentiss, Die! You will never have a more glorious opportunity!