… and you are one of those people.
Look, I understand that a student clinic is a good place to get an inexpensive full body massage. And really, I like you. You’re a nice lady. I enjoy working on you, really, I do.
But see, here’s the thing. You told me before we started that you don’t want your chest and abdominal area worked on. I won’t go into the importance of having the pectoral muscles worked, especially for someone as round-shouldered as you are. Nor will I give you a dissertation on how good for the digestion having your tummy worked on is. You are uncomfortable having these areas worked on, and I respect that.
Also, you came in wearing panties with a waistband almost up to your floating ribs, which indicates to me that you don’t want your butt worked on. This is a common issue with women when Aunt Flo is visiting, but you are of an age that I’m guessing that wouldn’t be an issue. Again, I won’t belabor you with a lecture on how the glutes play a vital role in back support and someone with back pain should have them worked on. I respect your personal boundaries. A bit of compression through the sheet, and I’ll move on.
Oh, and those spider veins aren’t actually a contraindication for massage, but your thighs are almost completely covered with them. Spider veins are something that should not be worked on deeply, or for extended periods of time. A few minutes of firm but gentle effleurage is about all I would want to do on that area.
The thing is this. You booked an hour and a half massage. It isn’t that I don’t like doing hour and a half massages. I love them, really. Under normal circumstaces, I feel like an hour isn’t enough time to do the kind of work I want to do on a client. But between the amount of surface area of your body that you don’t want touched and the area that I’m limited in the type and amout of work I can do, booking an hour and a half is a bit excessive. I mean, really, the reason I spent fifteen minutes on your feet isn’t because I like feet. Not that I don’t like feet. I do like feet. Feet are our friends. Without them, activites such as standing and walking would be very difficult. They are also one of the most neglected areas of the body. Many therapists just don’t like to work on them, so they get a light fluff-and-buff at best. Me, I pride myself on giving good foot. But really, unless I’m doing a full-out reflexology treatment, two or three minutes per foot in the course of a full-body massage is about all I usually do. Anything beyond that, I’m just killing time. The same goes for the shaking and rocking. Usually about thirty seconds is all I do in the course of a massage, if I do it at all. I spent, um, a lot more time with those techniques as a time-killer.
I understand that you came with your husband, and he’s also getting an hour and a half. That is fine, there are other things you can do for thirty minutes until he is finished. For instance, you could pick up dinner. Right here on campus in the next building is a cute little cafe owned by a nice Armenian family. The food is very good, and also very inexpensive. They have a lovely Middle Eastern combination plate- humus, babaganoush, tabouleh, and pita bread for $3.75. You could get carry out. Then you wouldn’t have to cook when you get home, and I’m sure your husband would enjoy a fresh, tasty, cheap meal.
For someone like you, an hour and a half is a waste of my time and your money. An hour would be plenty of time for me to give you a thorough massage. So either get over your hangups and let me work on all of you, or only book an hour.
Oh, and one last thing. That glass of water I brought you after the massage? You were supposed to drink it. See, massage stirs up metabolic wastes that can become trapped in body tissues, and it is important to drink water to flush them out of your system. If you don’t drink your water, you can end up feeling very crummy the day after a massage. So, drink your water, dammit.
That is all.
Have a nice day.
