I’ve spent a lot of time in the pharmacy over the years. Generally I’m in there twice a week, minimum. Often I will have to wait anywhere between ten & sixty minutes while they prepare the prescription, because my dad doesn’t want to wait the 24 hours they ask for to fill. So as someone who is known by all the longtime pharmacists here, I’d like to offer some suggestions to make the entire experience, while not enjoyable, a bit more pleasant for all of us.
Of course, cell phones are a problem pretty much everywhere. Movies, buses, jackasses waving at the cameras behind home plate. Hell, it’s a joke that’s hopelessly tired and worn out when stand-up comedians do it. However, some of you don’t quite get it yet. Sure, cell phones have led to a change in society, and constant contact is pretty much a given nowadays. However, there is a right way and a wrong way do deal with this. The wrong way is to stand in the middle of the uncarpeted room using your “outside voice.” No one else in the room cares when the movie starts, what you’re in the pharmacy for, or what yo baby daddy bought his ho. Go to an empty corner of the room and speak quietly. If you can’t get out of line, speak extra quietly, or don’t answer.
I realize that there is sometimes the necessity to speak to one of the cashiers or pharmacists immediately. However, unless it is an absolute emergency, do not shoehorn yourself into one of the windows where there’s already someone talking with the pharmacist. Not everyone knows what HIPAA is, but I would think it’s common sense that the person who’s at the pharmacy to pick up hemorrhoid cream or HIV medication doesn’t want your chin sitting on their shoulder as they try to get their prescription. Go to an empty window, or leave a respectable amount of space between you and the person whose actual turn it is, an try to make eye contact with a pharmacist.
Whining about the wait
This one really gets to me. Sometimes there are long lines. Sometimes there are very long lines. But as a society, we’ve all learned how to deal with them. We wait quietly for our turn. But some of you seem to think we hadn’t noticed we were in line, or that said line is long. So you start sighing loudly, mumbling “…can’t believe this,” or “jeeeeeeesus.” You may turn to the person behind you and ask rhetorically, “What are they doing up there?!” Then, you inevitably get on your cell phone and, using your “outside voice,” you tell yo baby daddy about the line. Of course, he won’t care, not being in the line, so you’ll hang up, and continue to whine and complain like a four year old who got his red ball taken away. “Man, I’m about to do something about this.” “They better open up more windows!”
Look, we know we’re in line. We can all see we’re in line. And we can all see how long the line is. In fact, to get to where we are right now, we all not only had to actively step into the line, but we’ve had to actively move with the line as it progresses. So I can confidently assure you that our awareness of being in line is quite sufficient. With this in mind, shut your goddamn whiny-ass fucking mouth up! Fuck, it’s bad enough that we all have to stand there in a room that’s not air-conditioned with people yakking on cell phones and people butting into confidential conversations regarding our father’s health, but now we have to listen to your pompous ass whine like a baby the whole fucking time?! I’m 23. I don’t “do” kids, if I can help it. You know why? Because they act like you. I’m sure you’re proud to be such a fucking role model, but you’re actually just being a fucking cheesedick, and if I ever suddenly discover I’e harnessed the powers of the Force, you’ll be a pile of lighting-seared meat in a matter of seconds. Look, unless you’re talking to someone who might have an outside chance of actually fucking doing something, stand the fuck in line, shut the fuck up, and quit making the whole pharmacy experience even more of a fucking pain in the ass than it already is! Fucking self-absorbed assholes.
Do you think it would be frowned upon if I were to post this in the pharmacy?